I really dig Dervala
So does Tom Shurgart, who cited a very revealing "guide for male supervisors adapting to the influx of women workers during World War II" that Dervala discovered. Well, some things have changed, I guess. These days, Dervala is awfully busy, so there's no time to jump into our gangblog. But check her out anyway. And Tom's a good guy. You might want to take a peek at his blog too and read his current post on "Passion and Envy" -- about his appreciation of the passion that his wife feels for her therapist vocation.

Porn's Fake -- Girls are Real

Make your own fake pornography pages!
These women aren't necessarily anti-porn, but are definitely dismayed by the sheer proliferation of it on the internet. What I appreciate is their plan of action. Just wish they wouldn't call women "girls". O vell.

Re: the Rapist Blogger

There are pretty clear guidelines listed in the Blog*Spot terms of service, and I think, Elaine, what you brought up clearly violates this one:

You agree to not use the Service to:
(a) upload, post or otherwise transmit any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable;

Violations can be reported to admin@pyra.com, so Elaine, report that jerk! Unfortunately, we can't completely silence the bastard, but at least we can make it a little bit harder to display his disgusting, inhuman vitriol.

Something else we can do, in a bigger way, is encourage young women to educate themselves about ways to prevent being victimized like this. Date rape is the most common kind of rape, but there are ways to avoid it if a woman is sensible and knows how to protect herself. My dad has a background in law enforcement, and when I got to a certain age, he made sure to teach me a few things, like how to get your arm back if someone grabs you by the wrist, no matter how hard or what way they grip it, or what to do if someone tries to force a kiss (bite down hard, on their lip, until you've bitten all the way through-- grim, but effective).

Is there anything we can do?
A non-Blog Sister blogger asked me if there's anything that can be done to get a misogynist asshole banned from Blogspot. (I had linked to him, but then took Shelley's advice and took the link out.) As this woman emailed me, The article - GUIDE TO RAPE DRUGS FOR POTENTIAL RAPISTS is absolutely disgusting and I'd like to see this guy lose his account at the very least.

I understand the First Amendment, but can we band together and contact Ev about what hateful and dangerous stuff this guy is putting on his blogspot site? Are there guidelines for Blogger and Blogspot? Please, comment here. What can we do? Anything?

Here's how the article starts:
The internet is a wonderful thing. The hype is true...we are creating a global community here. I am proud of this and I am aware that to ignore the advantages of the information age would be socially irresponsible. I know there are many of you out there who could be rapists, but are not brash enough to get a rape kit together and grab a woman off the streets. Some of you are too timid to even commit the most enjoyable kind of rape: Date Rape. I am sure RAPE DRUGS are for you. If this post results in just ONE woman getting raped, than my work is done. Without further ado, here is my guide to rape drugs.

And then he goes on to give just the information he promised -- in detail. *Retch* Isn't there some way we cut off his virtual balls?

Frank Paynter resurrects my AHA!
(This is a double post; it's on my site as well. Just wanted to make sure you didn't miss it!)

Back in the early feminist seventies, we were all having AHAs! -- that was how one women writer back then (who, of course, I can't remember where or when) described the moment when we realized what had been holding us back, what had been making us angry. In the course of his e-mail interviews with me, Frank Paynter unearths the Ms. Magazine article that changed my life. My AHA! Read it here.

I had a chance to actually meet Lilly Rivlin, who wrote the article, several years ago when some of us who had contributed to Which Lilith: Feminists Writers Re-Create the First Woman -- including the editors -- gathered in a theater in Kinderhook, NY to read our pieces. What a phenomenal woman! We hugged a lot, cried a little, she gave me her card and then we each went off in our own direction to follow our chosen paths. But I've never forgotten her or how her words changed my life.

Why men behave badly
According to this very interesting study (what would we do without them?), women who want to know if their men will stray, should check out their testosterone levels.

Imagine this conversation:

Wife: Are you cheating on me?

Man: Of course, not darling, I don't even look at other women any more.

Wife: I feel you've lost interest these days...

Man: Oh darling, it's just that there's so much on my mind these days... And then there's the kids, paying the bills, bringing home the bacon, blah..blah..blah...

This could actually be a valid excuse!

"Scientists at Harvard University have discovered that married men who spend time with their family have lower testosterone levels than bachelors." - Read it here.

So if the husband feigns a headache and looks tired and uninterested, you know what to blame - marriage and the kids! Don't say we didn't warn you now!

There is a Goddess

Seems like the new book "Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children" -- which warns women that having a career first could leave them childless and miserable in middle age -- the book just isn't selling. Which is remarkable, considering it was hyped on Oprah, Time magazine, GMA, 60 Minutes ... Are women rejecting this tripe once and for all? It;'s only #430 on the Amazon top-sellers list; nowhere on the NYT bestseller list.

Double standards?
When men are unfaithful or lust after other women (even while they are in a steady or satisfactory relationship) it is just an extension of their sexuality.

"While they can control themselves through social and emotional restraints, it is considered "normal" for men to desire a number of women."

On the other hand, when women are unfaithful, then they need a good reason - like an unfulfilling marriage or a bad relationship.

"The feminist solution has been to argue that women simply cheat for the "right" reasons -- be it sexual or emotional freedom. This in turn implies that the most widely acknowledged cause for male adultery -- the desire for variety -- is simply "wrong"... When we claim women cheat for "better" reasons, we are being unfair, though less to men than to women. Beneath this celebratory rhetoric is an archaic and repressive vision of female sexuality. Implicit in this type of reasoning is the idea that married women have to provide worthy motives for straying -- be it emancipation or love."

Read the whole feature here.

Getting Girls Behind the Wheel

For some reason, I was watching WE (I don't normally watch "women's" networks, because I'm too eclectic and I just need a good dose of the Man Show or something every now and then), and they have this program called "Cool Women." This particular episode struck close to home as they featured Dawn Riley, a woman to participate in the first co-ed America's Cup team (for non-sailing people, the America's Cup is a big deal sailing race). Definitely a cool woman, who really loves sailing (after my own heart!).

Even cooler, I notice that a foundation she runs, called America True, has a program for girls to teach them about sailing tall ships. Oooh! I drool in envy. I'm definitely going to have to find something to sail this summer. It's been too long.

Lovely Paintings

NancyCentral | The Paintings and Drawings of Nancy Spoelhof
I ran into an exhibition of this woman's work at the Momi Toby cafe in Hayes Valley, SF, CA.

Plagiarism

My first post!

I have been doing some reflecting on plagiarism in my journal. It is a subject that has been in The Chronicle of Higher Education a lot recently, with articles about both students and faculty. It has even received some attention in other places, because of the allegations about the works of "popular" scholars (Stephen Ambrose, Doris Kearns Goodwin, David McCullough, Joseph Ellis, etc.)

I have always found it very disturbing, and now it has become personal. At the end of the week, just before grades were due, I discovered five current students, teamed with five former students (all graduating seniors) cheating in my class. I won't duplicate my many thoughts on this difficult episode here, but there is one thing about it that might concern gender.

First, a little background is needed: the five current students handed in term papers that were identical to papers submitted by students last semester, and two of the students also handed in midterms and final exams that were identical to former students' work.

Four of the five current students are male, and four of the five former students are female. That might be completely unrelated (this ordeal was so painful that I am sure of nothing right now, plus I am so very tired), or it may say something about power, relationships, manipulation, roles...?

Is this a f***ing joke or what???

Backward view of the role of women
Hey, Tooley! Bridget Jones's mom was just as neurotic as Bridget AND she was a Stay-at-Home Mom!

Making the Right Connection
I found the post on Anita Bora's blog about how to choose the right mate very relevant to my feelings about the relationship between my daughter and son-in-law and prior posts here about boyfriends. Anita links to an article in the Christian Science Monitor that makes some points that should be obvious but, unfortunately, rarely are. For example:
This choice has more to do with the eventual success of your marriage than everything else combined that you do after you get married," says this voice of experience. "If you choose someone who is highly compatible, it feels almost effortless; if you are mismatched, it's all hard work and good intentions."

Duh. It took me 14 years of hard word and good intentions before I figured out that we were mismatched.

Check out the CS article to learn the 29 dimensions [that relationship counselor Neil Clark Warren says] must be "matched and managed" for a relationship to succeed

Kindergartner Expelled Because Mom's a Stripper

This just infuriates me. A Christian school finds out a 5 year old's mother is an exotic dancer (not illegal, by the way) and expels the child. The logic: the other children should not be exposed to such immorality. But the kid isn't being immoral -- she didn't even know what her mom did for a living. I have tangled with Capitol Christian Center before -- I was defending women's health clinics from their violent attacks. When they wanted press, they would make a scene by giving their children posters of dismembered fetuses (always good to expose children to that) and put them in the street in front of moving cars to disrupt traffic. Talk about abusing children in the name of God.

As Usual, He's Right-on
It's more Chris Locke than RageBoy, but it's still THE "voice" that we all know and love speaking the truth of the web. And you can even hear his actual mellow tones as he talks to Tess Vigeland on NPR's Morning Marketplace about the marvels of weblogging. According to Chris, the program's editors cut out a lot of his references to specific webloggers, but what they left in is his right-on take on what's really important about weblogging, and that's what matters most. It's worth the listen

More on Manufacturing Post-Feminism

As an addendum to brooke's link to that incredible and succinct article, Manufacturing Postfeminism, by the fabulous Susan J. Douglas...

Everybody who received this article from me was justly blown away. Even those of us (yes, myself included) who might have, at one time or another, denied the existence of a backlash. For further reading enjoyment from the same writer, Where the Girls Are : Growing Up Female With the Mass Media, was very highly recommended to me.

TBIO
There are some sites "out there" that are NOT turning beauty inside out, but rather upside down. Being sexual at an earlier age, and being comfortable talking about sex at an earlier age is not necessarily wrong. It seems that everything moves much faster than when I was growing up. What's my point here? There are things far worse, and worth fighting against than people magazine's top beauties of the year. Check out what Wired, MSNBC, and NOW have to say about Lil Amber, the "new media" and preteen model web sites. Find out what "legal child porn" is. And how does one survive the Mommy from hell? I was especially struck by the mother after reading Elaine's post on her site, in which she describes her visit with her daughter who is expecting. Who your parents are is the first roll of the dice in the crapshoot, but you don't even get to be the roller!

Whew!
Well, it's still before midnight on the East Coast, and I managed to post about TBIOD on my site before it's the next day. There's so much more we could and should all say, and Andrea's new site makes it possible to share more of our personal perspectives on that issue, so thanks, Andrea. Meanwhile, good night all you beautiful BlogSisters.

Get Up Early, Stay Up Late

Or whatever you have to do. But be sure to catch Chris Locke tomorrow morning on Marketplace Morning Report with Tess Vigeland.

Rumor has it Locke gets deep into blogging in his talk with Tess, and also gives his take on the exciting stuff women are doing within the blogging medium--including blogsisters, among others. Tess found the subject pretty fascinating and has extended the segment to several minutes. Sisters, what we're doing IS fascinating. Check here to find out if your local radio station carries the show. It should also be linked off the site sometime tomorrow morning.

When Chris does an interview, it's worth the listen, even if we end up on the cutting room floor.

6:50 a.m. here in Atlanta on WABE-FM 90.1. See you there.

Pant....pant....
Wow, I go away for an overnight to visit my daughter in Boston, and I'm missing all kinds of chances to Comment on all of these great posts from the Sisters. And I've got all kinds of stuff I want to blog about the notion of beauty, and I will as soon as I feed the cat, check on my mom, unpack, eat something.......

It will probably be midnight before I get to it all, but it is TBIO day, and I don't want to miss putting something on my blog about that and reading everyone else's. So, I'd better get to it all....... Stay tuned.

Women Wearing Wool

Willa blogged this and I thought it fit into the TBIOD theme.

TBIOD Effort

Well, here is mine. I'll be publicizing it on my own blog/site as well. It's a little less than I wanted to do, but I ran short on time. I also created a CafePress store, the proceeds of which I'm planning to donate to New Moon Press. Feedback is welcome.

Post Script

Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie sold for a grand total of $823.46.

Perhaps I should start pondering other interesting ways to mutila-- er, I mean, "dress up" Barbie and sell them on eBay...

okay, so i've been a little cranky too.

Ladies, I'm sorry for my crankiness of late and my outloud wonderings about how and why women bother to live without men, when I know full well that this is a choice and a reality of many women. Being alone and happy with it. I on the other hand am married, but am alone for three months (maybe more), a kind of unique predicament, except for military wives, which my cellular phone carrier assumed I was the other day when I called and suspended service on my husband's phone until sometime in July.

Which brings us to the present. I am, pure and simple, a bundle of pent up female energy with no place to go. I think I could twist like a tornado through my neighborhood taking down every house and tree in my path. And this clearly is not good. Which brings me to my rather unusual question.

Does anyone know where I can buy a waterproof cordless phone to bring into the shower with me? (Blog sisters are itching their collective heads, followed by Ah ha!) Today I called my love on my regular cordless phone and I'm quite sure the water did some damage. This cannot go on. The cordless phone is my life line in more ways than one. And when I mentioned it to my husband, he said, "Ask the Blog Sisters--They'll know."

You can laugh. You can call me a helpless, useless lonely soul. Or, you can give me a link. The choice is yours.

Manufacturing 'Post-Feminism'

"Post-feminism" is a conservative construct to help women feel better about not giving a shit about the fact that there is still not equality between gender at the most basic level -- like, say, the paycheck. First, they turned "feminism" into a dirty word by convincing women that feminists are angry childless lesbians who hate men, then shoved the knife in farther with studies about how women in the workforce are neglectful of their children and susceptible to heart disease and stroke. Now, we have a new mantle for those who have bought this line (often while enjoying the fruits of the feminist movement): "post-feminist." And the corporate media are the No. 1 promoters of the idea.

I don't know about esrogen but...

Did I see this here already? If so, I apologize for being redundant. But I thought it was interesting in light of Jeneane’s posting about women in the work place. It would seem that Phyllis Chestler has written a book about Women’s Inhumanity to Women.
“Chestler begins with a run-through of the scientific and historical evidence on female violence. Among primates, evolutionary psychologists have found, females often bid for “alpha” status by trying to sabotage the reproductive cycles of their sisters. Mother lemurs and chimps have been known to kill and even cannibalize their competitors’ babies.”
She has a psychodynamic/mythic theory.
“Some of this behavior, Chesler believes, can be explained by psychoanalytical theory. She speculates that women’s penchant for indirect aggression results from the frustrated romance of the mother-daughter bond. Longing for intimacy, girls may be enraged to find that their mothers reserve most of their affection for their husbands. To this Chesler adds a portrait of the “Demetrian” mother—named for the goddess Demeter, who kept her grown daughter Persephone in tow six months a year—who feels betrayed when her child shows signs of independence.”
And as for the work place…
“This is not to suggest, Chesler hastens to add, that women alone are to blame for women’s inhumanity. Another culprit (needless to say) is the “patriarchy,” especially in today’s male-dominated workplace. She cites a study showing that female economists were more likely than their male counterparts to reject the proposals of women for National Science Foundation funding—a result, Chesler asserts, of women having to compete among themselves for a few token positions. Nor are things any better in office settings, where women obey the dictates of various dysfunctional “gender standards.” Thus, some female managers pretend to be caring mother figures in order to suppress dissent and demands for money, while others act, as one of Chesler’s subjects put it, like “male-impersonators.”
More here.

Specially Formulated Diet

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the
stress that builds during the day.
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's Kiss

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate-chip topping

DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family-size Supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts".

More on women-only/majority workplaces

Interesting discussion on Burning Bird here where who should rush to my defense? Gentlemen. Thanks guys.

I particularly find what Tom Graves says there interesting:

"Dysfunctional behaviours in so-called 'male-dominated' environments have been much-studied, and have been the source of much finger-pointing by blame-oriented (nominal) 'feminists' and others. Dysfunctional behaviours in 'female-dominated' environments have rather noticeably not been studied - or rather, when they have, the results have often been either passively or actively suppressed, because they're not pretty, and don't _at all_ conform to those merry stereotypes about "sugar and spice and all things nice"... (cf. the US National Family Violence Survey, which for thirty years has consistently shown women as _more_ violent than men, in physical violence - let alone non-physical, at which women have always 'excelled')."

Fascinating. I'd like to think that Shelley's account is truth:

"To be honest, I've not really noticed that much of a difference, good or bad, in overall behavior of a group based on the sex of the upper management. Regardless of the preferred expression -- tears or words or actions -- excessive emotionalism at work occurs in both sexes. Sex of the boss, number of men or women in the group, sex of your co-workers -- none of these purely sex-based characteristics play into this one."

But I still say, after having survived two work environments of primarily women, from leadership on down, it's different. In my experience, not good different. You'd think, wouldn't you, that the woman president and CEO at one of these companies, a mother herself, would have somehow been a little more understanding when I nearly died after giving birth to my child and needed a second surgery--meaning I was out two sets of 8 weeks (instead of one) on disability. Oh, don't think they were paying me during that time. Silly. No paid maternity leave there. And isn't it interesting that when push came to shove, she was able to lay off this star performer of the company with a five-week-old-baby at home. What did the rest of the girls do on layoff day? Had a pizza lunch together. Mmmmm. Warm and fuzzy, isn't it?

I learned my lesson. I look for diversity in a workplace, not assuming I'm "safe" because I'm with a group of women. I like ethnic diversity, diversity of the genders, and whatever the hell other diversity I can find. It tends to dilute the psycho factor when we unrelated humans gather to complete tasks for money.

And you may say, what about Blog Sisters? We're all women? And Iove talking with everyone here, and hearing the amazing opinions, and learning from you. But I'm not sure it would be the same if we were showing up to work together every day instead of hanging out here talking about life.

estrogen heavy workplaces and homes

Elaine and I have a discussion going on over at my place that might be better discussed here. It's about the overwhelming femaleness I'm feeling in my house mothering my girl child with my husband gone for three months. The shrillness of energy (not always positive, sometimes positive) I feel in my home without him here, and the way my daughter is fighting to change into a four-year-old woman with him away, has me dismayed.

I compared this feeling to the women-majority (close to woman only at some points) company I worked for here in Atlanta that was one step away from a looney bin. Elaine had a wonderful experience at the almost-women-only business she worked for. She attributes that experience in part to the femaleness of the place. In the same way, I attribute the hysterical nature (and it was--most days someone was crying or storming out) of the place I worked for to the absence of the other half of our species, whose mere presence I think would have perhaps kept our highs from going so manic and our lows from going so depressive. Maybe with the right woman in charge a workplace can emulate the best of women? And maybe with the wrong woman in charge, you get what I got at that psych ward that was my job for 4 years.

Am I insane? Probably just missing my man. What a woman. ;-)

Elaine, you're still my hero.

Happy Mother's Day!
To all of you mothers out there.

Men and Self Help

Has anyone else wondered about the self help industry? I see a large number of wealthy white guys selling programs for us to improve our lives. I see a lot of wealthy white guys running off to the Cayman Islands to deposit large checks hidden behind corporate "bodies." I mean really, who is going to put "Enron" in jail, or "Global Crossing," or "Arthur Anderson?"
Who pays? We do. Oh yes, I do admit my jealousy. Like Mrs. Lay, I too would like to have so much that when I want to get rid of a few things I would have to do as she and open my own store. I would love for a man to buy me a white Caddilac SUV with Blue velor interior, "Here honey," as he hands me the keys, "I got this for you as a token of my love." To the Devil with the Diamonds!. But no, I get stuck doing data entry and having my ideas dismissed. My 1987 Ford Taurus Wagon works and so I must assume it is the perfect car for me.
At one time I came to a point in my life where I had to join a recovery group. I was a sloshed sister. The recovery literature was he/him focused. God was a man (no more! Thank you Starhawk). Some recovery and new age types will tell me that I am perfect just the way I am. Then why is it necessary to go out and buy Spiritual self help programs? I am perfect just the way I am.
Yet sometimes I am caught in the youth worship thing. I mean I do not have that "Victoria's Secrets" body (are stretch marks art?) and I am always getting caught up in worrying over my weight. Scientists say diets cause muscle loss, and the weight comes right back. Exercise works but with three jobs and trying to improve myself for those golden jingles of coinage that make greater privilege possible, there is precious little time for exercise. But then am I not perfect just the way I am? Yes!
Okay so I am getting older. Divorce cleared away the dead wood, but left precious little intimacy (if there ever was any). My boys are grown and doing their things, I am proud of them, even though they inherited the family disease. Older doesn't make for a "Secrets" Girl anymore either. And still, I am perfect just the way I am.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have to go out in public in a sack from head to toe. If we love and cooperate we are told we will eventually win out over sepratism, hatred, and evil, because we are perfect just the way we are.
How do I know? The Goddess told me so.
Robin

This is fun.

Hey…I just figured out how to use the key to the kingdom, so this is my first post. Thanks Elaine and Jeneane! I though you all might like to see Jennifer Portnick’s page. She’s pretty amazing.

RIP Kevyn Aucoin.

As a matter of fact, diamonds are not my best friend.

Tonight's 60 Minutes II features an ecstatic report on "clean" (vs. "conflict") diamonds coming out of Canada.

It's estimated that approximately 4% of all diamonds are mined out of war torn parts of Africa. Sales of these diamonds fuel fighting in Angola, Sierra Leone and the Congo. There is almost no way of assuring whether a rock is clean. There are no brands and no way of telling where a diamond originated. That said, I have never wanted a diamond. As a matter of fact, if I were ever presented with a rock that is clean with 100% certainty, I still would refuse it. Diamonds hardly represent glamour to me. Au contraire, when I see rocks, I see malnourished and amputee children. I see blood. Lots of blood.

Consider me like you would an anti-fur person who won't even wear fantasy fur.

That said, I did a little Google search on this topic and wouldn'tcha know... Those Canadian diamonds ain't so clean.

Trim And Fit, Not The Same

In keeping with TBIOD, here's a story about a San Francisco exercise instructor who won a weight bias proceeding against Jazzercize, under a city ordinance that barred the company's "fit appearance" criteria. [link via Heather at Held In Contempt] More evidence: RHMP Barbie isn't looking exactly healthy... (great find, Andrea!)

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Interesting post below from Anita, given my recent blog about my attraction to Tin Men and Fallen Angels. So, I went and read the first chapter of the Nice Guy book, which you can get online. It seems to me that Glover is advocating that men go the same route toward self-actualization that we women (some of us) have been trying to go. He tells men to:
-learn effective ways to get your needs met
-begin to feel more powerful and confident
-cereat the kind of intimate relationship yo really want
-learn to express your feelings and emotions
-have a fulfilling and exciting sex life
-embrace your masculinity and build meaningful relaionships with men
-live up to your potential and become truly creative and productive
-accept yourself just as you are.

If we read this advice with any reference to "men" being replaced by "women," we'd be saying Right On! What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

And actually, I think that, perhaps, Glover is trying to help men become self-actualized, but couching it all in a marketing approach that might actually get men to read the book.

Where are the nice guys?
They are a disappearing breed and now we know why!

This site promises you (if you are a nice guy, of course) to help you break free from this syndrome.

"No More Mr. Nice Guy! presents a proven plan to help passively pleasing men stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in love and life," is the promise on this page.

And who qualifies as a nice guy? Some of the characteristics:

• Nice guys seek the approval of others.
  
• Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
  
• Nice guys put other people's needs and wants before their own.
  
• Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.
  
• Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.
  
• Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.
  
• Nice guys create situations in which they do not have very much good sex.
  
• Nice guys frequently fail to live up their full potential.

Dr Robert Glover is the not very nice man behind all the mischief!

The bottom line: A man cannot be 'nice' and have what he wants in love, life and sex!

Unbelievable, but true! Check it out and tell us what you think.

FORTUNE - How to &#$@ Manage Like Sharon Osbourne
Somehow I've found myself in deep admiration of this woman.

Even Barbie can learn that looks aren't everything

Yes, in "honor" of TBIOD, it's:

RAGING HORMONES MENOPAUSAL PROZAC BARBIE

It defies all logic and sense, and it can be yours if you win this eBay auction.

Boy, do those boys have a long way to go!
Two links via Sister Esta’s blog that show what dangerous dumbasses some members of that other gender still insist on being:
-- one reporting that officials estimate that more than 200,000 women and girls — one-quarter of all women trafficked globally — are smuggled out of Central and Eastern Europe and the former Soviet republics each year, the bulk of whom end up working as enslaved prostitutes. Almost half are transported to Western Europe. Roughly a quarter end up in the United States. Human rights activists say the numbers do not tell the full story, because most women remain silent rather than turn to frequently corrupt authorities for help.

-- the other explaining how The Saudi government is cracking down on factories producing versions of women's cloaks that violate religious rules.... a Saudi religious ruling requires a "decent woman's" cloak to be thick and non-revealing, not body hugging, and devoid of decorations or markings that would attract public attention, the newspaper said.

HOWEVER, I think Blog Sisters should give a “One of the Really Good Guys” award to Tom Shugart, who decided to give his "Huh?..Lemme See If I Got That Straight" Award to Newsweek’s Kenneth L Woodward, who gives his opinion of the clerical mess in the Catholic Church. Shugart lifts the following two quotes from Woodward’s piece:

My main concern is that ordaining women would fatally feminize a religion that already appeals far more to women than to men.

As I see it, the last bastion of male presence in the church is the altar and the pulpit. I would hate to see the priesthood turn into an essentially female calling.

I think that Blog Sisters needs to institute a "Woeful Weeny" award to bestow on guys like Woodward.

All of these antiquated attitutes, designed to keep women relegated only to those positions where men can control them, make me want to puke -- preferably all over those stupid Neanderthals.

All the more reason to TURN BEAUTY INSIDE OUT. Get with it Sisters. Some of us already have the mini-poster on our own blogs. What about the rest of us????

Heartless Bitches International

Divine Secrets
If you haven't yet read The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, do it. And before the movie comes out because no movie can capture the way that the book reveals the poignancy and complexity of relationships among these "lifelong friends who stage a rather unorthodox intervention to help a young playwright unravel the truth about her complicated, eccentric mother, find forgiveness and acceptance, and let go of her painful past." I think that even Helene Cixous would approve of the novel.

But even if you don't have time to read the book, go see the movie anyway. I can't wait!!

Cixous says...

Before I go off to distract myself further, this, from Helene Cixous, the dreamweaver that woke me up one night with the idea for Blogsisters.

"The origin of the gesture of writing is linked to the experience of a disappearance, to the feeling of having lost the key to the world, to have been thrown outside. To have acquired all of a sudden the feeling of something precious, rare, mortal. To have to find again, urgently, an entrance, breath, to keep the trace. We have to make the apprenticeship of Mortality."

If I had a day all to myself

I think I would do a blog-a-thon, a marathon blogging session to see how much could come spilling out of my head in a 24 hour writing frenzy. But I don't. Have a day to myself, that is. And that's okay. Because having a darling 4 year old is much more important and rewarding. Still. So much sitting back in my spinal chord that needs to freeflow to the front of my ever-shrinking brain. I got a headache with it sitting where it is. But that's how it is. Personality split three ways, maybe more. The job of mother.

Off to see E.T now.

'kay. bye.

More and more TBIO
Check out the new "Blog Sisters News" item that the Jeneane has posted and get involved in our first-ever monthly Burning Issue. See Andrea's post, below, on ways to do that. Copy the Blogsisters TBIO graphic and put in on your own blog, along with whatever else you're moved to add to the conversation. And start looking for and suggesting specific Burning Issues for future months. Let's use our collective voice to make some loud far-reaching, and meaningful sounds.

TBIO continued

Elaine, your idea is excellent, and I like the way the graphic is going. I'm definitely in on this too! I have an idea related to one of my first "poetry collections" that I made, wherein much of the poetry dealt with self-image. I hope to draw something together and post it on my own blog on the fifteenth. I would like to add my encouragement to the Sisters to not just make a simple post, but to really use their talents to speak eloquently in their own unique ways about dealing with body image and self image, whether through art, poetry, personal stories, crafts (as suggested in the comments), whatever. This deserves more time than simply one day. It's a worthy campaign. :-)

I remember when I was twelve or thirteen, and my peers were helping to make me miserable every school day (and I was helping make myself miserable right along with them). In a burst of tears I told my mom, "I feel like everyone else is a butterfly and I'm just a moth." What I didn't know then is some moths look like this, and I was judging myself by an unrealistic (and untrue!) standard.

Body image issues are certainly getting to a disturbing state when people who have starved their own child think the kid is starting to get "chubby" after being taken away and put on a normal diet. Newsflash to the clueless: all healthy one-year-olds look a little chubby. It's called baby fat and it's normal.

Important facts: Why We Need TBIO
Thanks, Sheri, for pointing us to that Turn Beauty Inside Out campaign. Here are some "shocking facts" I got off their site.
-- Eighty percent of 10-year-old American girls diet.
-- Girls are disproportionately affected by eating disorders and cultural demands for thinness.
-- More than five million Americans suffer from eating disorders.
·-- Ninety percent of those afflicted with eating disorders are adolescent and young adult women.
-- Fifteen percent of young girls have substantially disordered eating attitudes.
-- Between elementary and high school, the percentage of girls in the U.S. who are "happy with the way I am" drops from 60% to 29%.
-- The number one magic wish for young girls age 11-17 is to be thinner.
-- Millions of young girls, influenced by a culture that equates success and happiness with thinness, begin dieting to be accepted. (all the above statistics from The Body Image Project at www.justthink.org)
-- Between 1996 and 1998, teenage cosmetic surgeries nearly doubled from 13,699 to 24,623, according to the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons. www.newswecanuse.com
-- Thirty-nine percent of women in film are portrayed as “thin” or “very thin.” www.childrennow.org
-- At least 58% of women in the movies make or receive comments about their appearance. www.childrennow.org
-- In movies, 31% of women are shown primping, grooming, or otherwise fixated on their appearance, where only 7% of men are shown doing this. www.childrennow.org
-- Girls and women are underrepresented in movies. Only 37% of all movie roles are for girls or women. www.childrennow.org

I believe that we BlogSisters can serve as role models for girls of all ages who need support in going against the flow of the images of what females "should" be presented by commercial world. I would like to suggest that BlogSisters join the campaign in some way. Maybe on May 15 we each can post about TBIO and link to the site. And also put some kind of major announcement on this site. Any other suggestions? (I don't know how to import graphics into here, but maybe one of our more talented sisters could design something we can feature on May 15? Just a suggestion. What do you all think?)

Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

View from the Pocket
Girls Take on Hollywood by Declaring May 15th as "Turn Beauty Inside Out Day"

"New Moon (Magazine) wanted to show the world that we had a different definition of beautiful in mind," explains Ruth Young, a 12-year-old member of the board. "Beautiful means being caring, kind, outgoing, [a] dream achiever, and living for yourself. Basically, it means being a strong and beautiful girl on the inside."

Hello Blog Sisters
I just spent the last hour reading the first day of posts and comments here. WOW, I'm impressed. I found out about BlogSisters through Elaine. The only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't find you gals sooner. I read a post that referred to Heather loosing her job because of her blog. Heather has signed off from dooce.com; as of April 22 she will no longer be blogging under her real name. She said her site had caused too much damage to her personal relationships. In the last couple of months I have been communicating with people I've never met in "real life", and in some ways I've shared more of myself online then I do with my "real life" friends. Maybe it's not that I've shared more as it is that I've shared different things. The internet is a great place to toss around ideas, concepts, theories, and even try on new ones to see if they fit. When I first started blogging in November of last year, I didn't tell anyone about it, including my lover. I did a lot of blogging about the ups and downs of my relationship. Now in hindsight, I think I should have been much more straightforward with my lover. Oh sure we all need a private [wine] now and then, but I was over the top. You might say, how over the top? I'm really an introvert, and blogging was kind of like discovering how the other half lives. I'm rambling; it's getting into happy hour, so I'm off. WAAAaait this is where I ramble semi regularly.

did I mention....

...that the reporter described blogsisters this way: "somewhat of an "Oprah Online" blog, where women communicate on a variety of topics, from current events to personal health to the latest fashions."

why didn't he just say "hygiene."

hmph again.

(oprah online? will this boost our google search results?)

dumbing us down

I was doing my latest vanity search (on my name, on google, you know), when I came across a recent blogging article by E. Michael Rudman, and... WHAT DO YOU KNOW!? We're mentioned! That's the good news. And it really is good news--I appreciate the reporter taking note of us.

The bad news was... of all the posts he picked to focus on was... well... you'll see. I mean, we've discussed some heavy shit here, and wouldn't ya know a male reporter would "position us" in our first online reference, with one blast of the keyboard, as ladies who talk about fashion.

exasperated.

Well, as I said, let's look at the silver lining. People are reading what we're writing here--what YOU guys are writing here--and that's always refreshing to know. More women are asking to join every week, and that's totally exciting. Still.... maternity fashion... over the posts about dealing with our own mothers... alcoholism... the middle east... hmph. Let's all have a tea party and relish our five seconds of fame (she says with a wink).

j.

Time to get my pyramid-building pants out of storage.

I'm not too crazy about a periodical that promotes books by my arch-nemesis, Peggy Noonan. However, and whatever the motivation for this, the NRO has published the following article: Primary Document | Saudi Telethon Host Calls for Enslaving Jewish Women. In it, "prominent government official cleric" Shaikh Saad Al-Buraik is quoted as saying (I added the italics),

Muslim Brothers in Palestine, do not have any mercy neither compassion on the Jews, their blood, their money, their flesh. Their women are yours to take, legitimately. God made them yours. Why don't you enslave their women? Why don't you wage jihad? Why don't you pillage them?

Al-Buraik also happens to be accompanying Prince Abdullah in his visit to the U.S.

I wonder if he might be that elusive "someone" who requested that no women direct the Prince's flight into Texas earlier this week.

Mechanics and tigers and bears, oh my!

This is my very first Blog Sisters post, so please bear with me...

Just experienced a classic, "You're just a girl so shut up and pay up," moment at the garage. I merely wanted a summarization of my car problems so that I could discern what needs to be fixed first, considering the $800 quote I was just issued. Apparently, elementary car mechanics is too heady a subject for a mechanic to discuss with a woman. Granted, I'm not weeping into my latte over his attitude; rather, I'm worried about getting ripped-off.

Seems like the best way to avoid this would be to educate myself on the basics, learn the lingo, etc. So, I picked up Car Smarts by Mary Jackson.

Erma Bombeck always made me laugh with her wry comments about womanhood and motherhood. She lost her fight against cancer back in 1996. Just after she found out that she had cancer, she wrote this:

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it ... and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Women in Australian History

Yesterday was Anzac Day, so Adam had the day off, and he and I went to the National Maritime Museum for a few hours.

One exhibit we went through tracked the passage of water sports and the way people were involved with them throughout history. This is where I encountered the persona of Annette Kellerman. The symbol/ idea/ archetype of the mermaid in her many guises has been sort of a personal one for me, having lived near or on the ocean for almost my entire life, so Kellerman really attracted my attention because she's often dressed up as one.

First an athlete and vaudeville performer, then later a beauty queen and actress (I believe I read that she won the first beauty pageant ever), Kellerman was interested in health and body image. Defying restrictive Victorian custom, she devised a type of female swimsuit that was easier to move in and wear, but was considered scandalous at the time. I find it interesting in these days that women often find the modern swimsuit oppressive, because it is revealing and we are insecure of our bodies' shape and appearance. In Kellerman's day, her new revealing swimming costume was actually freeing. There's a brief online article about her here.

Another exhibit told the story of Matthew and Ann Flinders. Matthew was the explorer to first call the Australian continent "Australia" and led the first European expedition to circumnavigate the continent. On his way back home, he was imprisoned on the Isle of France (Mauritius) as a spy. He and his wife, Ann, were married for thirteen years, and were only able to spend less than five together in person. Their letters to each other were moving, especially to a girl who knows what it's like to be vastly separated for long amounts of time from the one she loves. ;-) Here's an excerpt from a draft of a letter from Matthew to Ann while he was imprisoned:

The arrival of thy letters forms the greatest epochs in my present monotonous life, and I sigh for them as for the most desired of blessings; next to the liberation which should permit me to fly to thy arms, they afford me the greatest happiness I can receive. The improvement in thy health, the constancy of thy affection, and the continued kindness of our friends to thee, are the subjects which I call to my aid, to keep off that depression of spirits which so many causes are ever ready to excite, and I receive consolation from them. Cease not then, my best beloved, to write often if thou wouldst preserve me from distraction.

[Added Later...]
The museum's blurb on Matthew and Ann Flinders, and the blurb on Annette Kellerman, along with some memorabilia, from my pictures yesterday.

"Can this man fuck his way out of a paper bag? Maybe not, but he recycles!"

Speaking of baching it: have we invited Heather Havrilesky to this shindig? If not, we should.

Go Jan!; Two wrongs...

Wow, how wonderful to know we are part of the scholarly discussion.

Regarding Esta below: it is indeed lamentable at some twisted level I haven't quite come to terms with yet - since I deplore the concept of the show in general - that ABC's next round of tripe is going to be "The Bachelor" again, and not "The Bachelorette." The show's message boards have batted this around - see here and here, for example. The recurring argument made about why The Bachelorette wouldn't make it is it wouldn't have as broad an audience - that is, men only watch this show to ogle, while women watch for the drama, suspense, etc. I think (straight) men (of a certain limited intellect) might still watch the reverse version for the same reason they read those "how to really please a woman" articles - on some subliminal level, they'll want to see what it takes to "capture the flag."

BlogSisters featured in research paper.
Several of us have been quoted in a research paper, "Weblogs: An Opinioning Opportunity for Women," developed by Jan Carroll, a student at the University of Wisconsin--Eau Claire as part of her program in technical writing major, web emphasis. She had contacted various female webloggers and asked them to fill out a survey; many of the respondents were BlogSisters. I had an opportunity to read a draft, and you can be sure that we are very well represented. The paper takes a unique look at the technologies to which women have had access to express their opinions, from sewing machines and typwriters to weblogs. There is no doubt that we BlogSisters are carving out our own territory on the web. And we have only just begun, so keep on posting. Of course, we think that Jan should get an A+.

Following up on Esta and tv, posted below
First of all, let me say that I don't watch the Bachelor or any or any of the reality shows. I'm beginning to prefer the world of Ally McBeal more and more. And I'm bummed that it's approaching it's demise, although it really was running out of plot lines. And, as you know, I'm really going to miss Jon Bon Jovi. I watch too much tv also. It's how I escape -- whether it's Alias or Ally, Gilmore Girls or Buffy, it's all a much different reality than the one I live in and that's fine with me.

As for men, I repeat that I am a female chauvinist, and until a few years ago, serial monogamy served my purposes well. Of course, I had already done the other -- marriage, kids, etc. -- so I figured "I'm entitled." I don't pretend to understand men at all, although I think Camille Pagia got it right when she used how they piss as a metaphor for how they do everything. But, as one woman novelist I once read wrote (or at least something pretty close) "I am always fascinated by the hydraulics of the penis."

Speaking of penises, I just skimmed though Camille Paglia's Vamps and Tramps, the first chapter of which is entitled "The Penis Unsheathed." As usual, she melds scholarship with clever verbiage. But if you've seen one Paglia, you've seen them all.

Linda Lovelace died yesterday.
(I'm double posting this because it belongs here but I wanted it on my own blog as well.)

She died in a car accident. But that's not my point. Linda Lovelace's most famous and most degrading movie, Deep Throatwas the first porno movie I ever saw. It was on a double bill with The Devil in Miss Jones in the only movie theater in Gloucester, Maine.

One summer weekend in the mid-seventies, a female elementary school teacher friend of mine and I left our husbands with our kids and took off for a weekend on our own. We wound up in Cape Anne, Massachusetts, where we did some sightseeing, including discovering that Harry Chapin's song about "Dogtown" was based on real and really weird stuff. On our first night there we were so tired that we crashed after dinner (and wine, of course) and then set out the next day for Gloucester. Well, what can two married women do in the evening after dinner in a town where they don't know anyone? Heh. Go to the movies, of course. We had a choice of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or a double porno bill. Neither one of us had ever seen a porno movie, and no one in town knew who we were. It was a chance we couldn't pass up.

Years after, Linda Lovelace revealed the horrors that she endured as her (then) husband proceeded to get her hooked on drugs and caught in a spiral of prostitution and personal brutality. That was the reality. But for two young naive married women off on a weekend away from their every day real worlds, the fantasy was too intriguing to pass up.

It is important to know the difference between fantasy and reality.

Here's an interesting question from Annessa:
Hey, I have a question for you bloggers out there: If you had the opportunity, would you participate in a group 'blogger's vacation'? Like if a bunch of us were to go somewhere fun (cruise, Virgin Islands, etc.) as a giant group? Kind of like SXSW, but without anything productive to come out of it? I'm not saying anything's going to happen, but if enough people say yes, I'm thinking about setting up something. Let me know.

Check out Annessa's site and think about all going on a non-blogging vacation together. Post your thoughts here. I'll tell Annessa to check the comments.

A different female's perspective
I don’t remember where I first heard Camille Paglia speak. I think it was on the old Phil Donahue show. What I do remember is being totally enthralled by her perspectives on just about everything. Hated by both radical feminists as well as right-wing “fascinating womanhood” females, dismissed by most men because of her intense, confrontational, opinionated style, and shunned by many of her peers because of her controversial convictions about sexuality and morality, Camille is just the kind of woman that gets my attention.

I posted a long ramble on my own site about the opinions of this controversial thinker and writer and invite you to take a look and see what you think about what she has to say.

Is the Net taking up too much of our time?

Apparently, about one in 10 couples who go to Relate for marriage counselling, blame the Internet for the breakdown in their relationship.

The report goes on to say that: “Both men and women complain of becoming Internet "widows" as their partners spend hours at the computer downloading software or looking at pornography.”

Does spending too much time online/ chatting/ playing games eat into our family’s time?

Are we indulging in a form of cybercheating if we spend a lot of time chatting with people of the opposite sex, when there are other things to be done? Or should we spend that extra time with our partners, building our personal relationships instead?

Where does one draw the line?

Should we be more careful as to how we spend our time online?

What do you think?

Would your relationship suffer if you found your partner/ spouse was spending too much time online? Time that you wanted to spend with him/ her?

Do you know anyone who has personally gone through a relationship breakdown because of this reason?

If you have something interesting to share, please post it, instead of commenting.

If you’re not a member of the fairer sex and reading this and would like to justify your position and what you feel about it, please feel free to use the comments or email me.

OK. I admit it.
I watch Ally McBeal. I've seen every episode since it started. I love the show. I love Vonda Shepard and her vocals. I have all of the show's sound track albums. But most of all, these days I just luuuuvvv Jon Bon Jovi in his portrayal of Victor. So fine; I have a severe case of arrested development where he's concerned. But I don't care as long as I can feast my eyes on that incredible beautiful young man. Yum. Yum.

The Shadow Knows
This afternoon in posting on my own blog, I wound up rambling onto the issue of our “dark side,” our “shadow side.” I wanted to link to something that explained how I view that psychological concept, and so I Googled over to this site, which ended with the following:

My own experience with the dark goddesses has taken me down a path of several goddess myths and stories. I have struggled with and overcome an inferiority complex over body image (Medusa). Most recently, I have been working with Lilith, trying to incorporate her (heretofore forbidden) drive for freedom of expression and assertion of sexuality into my thinking and lifestyle. I look forward to working with Hecate, the Crone of Wisdom, when the time comes. I'm enjoying every minute of it; the feeling is like an opening flower. Each instance brings new light into my life, as well as a greater feeling of wholeness.

Polarity is undeniably a part of this world. The dark side is all around us, everywhere we look, in everything we experience. As the Christian Bible says "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." It follows by simple observation that all seasons are not right for all things; some are to be put aside, hidden, taken from the light into the dark for a time. Yet they remain a part of everything, a part of the whole, resting until the time in the great cycle to appear again.

And then as I was making dinner for my mom, I thought about posting something about “shadow,” and then had this weird deja vue thing that I had done this before and that Tish, on her fatshadow.com blog had linked to the yoni.com site before. Except it never happened.

So I’m going ahead and bringing up the “shadow” up here, because I think that Kali, and Lilith, and Hecate – in the Jungian archetypal sense – have a great deal to teach us. Years ago, I spent several years in therapy getting to know an love the Lilith in me. Got a lot of good poetry written out of that experience as well.

I’m wondering if any of the other BlogSisters have ever done these kinds of explorations of their “shadow” sides as a way of getting to know yourself better and change self-defeating behaviors. ???

I think it's time for a joke.
A WORLD FIRST - A MALE BLONDE JOKE

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch, and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him a taco or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

“Don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."

Let Us Mourn
Today another young Palistinian woman blew up her own life and the life of 6 others. I mourn the deaths of those who are the victims of those two testosterone driven madmen. And, I wonder, if I were a young Palestinian woman, what would I do? And if I were a young Israeli woman, what would I do? Two rights, two wrongs. I mourn the thwarted dreams of women at the mercy of power-hungry men.

In response to Valerie's post on Drunk Driving

I had to respond to your post Valerie because if i left a comment it would have been way too long.
My father lost his license for two years after being caught drink driving, this was many years ago, and i'm horrified to say that he still continues to flout the law continuing to drink and drive. The worse part is that he abuses alcohol, heavily, putting other peoples lives at risk as well as his own without a thought. I remember years ago in my teens criticising him heavily for the risks he was taking and i continually received a devil may care response, he seemed to think he was infallible, and that i was nagging him!!? Interestingly my mother never said a word.
I even recall him being so drunk one evening that he crashed the car in a ditch in the mddle of nowhere, walked home and then got friends to drive him to the place so he could retrieve it, no police involved. He was lucky. I was however not sympathetic when he eventually lost his license and made it plain, but it made no difference, i can't help but view it as arrogant.
I can't say Valerie whether its men more than woman, or older people more than younger people.......who take it upon themslves to drink and drive all i know is this, it is unforgiveable and irresponsible.
Will they only take responsibility for their actions when a tragedy occurs, but then it will be to late.

Drunk Driving

I've been thinking about drunk driving since this morning, when my father (whom I unfortunately live with) called to tell me he got a DUI while working out of town.

Now, I know they say young people are more responsible for drunk driving. But it seems to me the older generation thinks they're invincible when it comes to alcohol. Shouldn't a 50-year-old man know better than to drink and drive? Shouldn't a 50-year-old man be mature enough to take responsibility for it when he gets caught? I'm 21. I know better. I knew better at 19 when I became legal (in British Columbia).

Anyone here have any experience/wisdom on this? Can I be totally sexist and say men are more likely to drink and drive?

Walk a little in their shoes
Wonderchicken linked to this great article about Japanese women, their shoes, the way they walk, and where they're walking toward. It's a long piece, but very interesting. Do you walk uchimata or sotomata?

Just saying hi.

I would like to introduce myself........i'm Em, just 30 and as English as could be with a little Irish thrown in. Shaken and stirred with equal measures of confidence, craziness, itchy travelling feet, desire for knowledge, down days, up days topped off with taking each one as it comes, well it works for me? Too often i try to run before i can walk, i guess you could put that down to an impatient soul but i'm working on it.
I spend my days working as a Sport Studies Technician although exactly how i fell into this career escapes me but its an enjoyable job with a great deal of freedom to pursue my MA in social sciences. Where i'm going isn't particulary important i never make life plans just immediate choices but i suppose that comes under my 'feet first, think later' personality trait.
I'm looking forward to joining in and following the adventures of Blogsisters along with posting on my own site boudoir along with contributing towards BadsamaritanNext. No harm in a little shameless plugging is there?
Hello to you all.

Our once a month or whenever we think of it call for blog sisters

Anyone we should list in the sister roll who's not already there? Let me know. Or any invites you'd like me to send out for fresh voices and views? Always looking for those too.

Going to bed now. The count down has begun. My tour of duty as single working mother (for the next three months) begins in 31 hours, when my husband jets off to Hong Kong, where he'll be staying and playing until July. He's been so busy finishing up this latest recording project, it's like he's already gone. And I hate it. After 16 years of marriage, I feel like I'm riding on one wheel without him.

Engineering Children *with* Disabilities?

This story leaves me in a quandry. I don't like genetically engineering children either way--wonderchild or physically challenged. I think that's where I come down on this issue. There are plenty of hearing children within deaf homes that learn the same kind of identity things this couple is hoping for. Kind of a mind bender, considering the whole family is deaf. But seeking out a deaf sperm donor? Wshew!

Time Travel

Dr. Mallett has a motive that's not unfamiliar to my own.

"Since his father, a heavy smoker, died at the age of 33 when Mallett was 10 years old, Mallett has longed for a way to travel back in time to warn him about the dangers of cigarettes."

Can you imagine going back, or going forward, through time, the things you would try to undo or not undo. Certainly sparks the imagination to think that it might be a possibility.

An Oral History of Female Vietnam Vets

This is from 1999, but it is such a stunning trip through voice, womanhood, and trauma that I thought I'd give the link.

"For eight years, my husband didn't know I was a vet," says Agnes Feak, who participated in an air evacuation of Amerasian children called Operation Baby Lift. "I kept my mouth shut when I came home. He found a photo of me in fatigues and said, 'Who's that?' And I said, 'That's me.'"

A computer-generated poem based on Blogsisters.
Try doing one from your own blog by clicking here.

Blog sisters a Fractured Fairytale... Spending
the team who I agree with
my hands and
suddenly, I need to
the comment Hello! Wow!
I just found my own engine in
difficult Sometimes personal statement of people. she had a
freshman in blogging Is
nothing She was that, damned jar
open.
posted by Anita Bora at least
as I went to say,
Except Hello to women who
buy that? on your
self. and her
own but its to
change me.

Act 1, Scene 1

A great mother-daughter moment from Sharon O. over on wordwhores. Anyone who can *not* relate? I think she depicts the art of conversation control quite eloquently!

How Creepy Is This Shit?

Thanks to Pet Rock Star for this link, which is about as creepy as it gets--can you imagine your spouse fessing up one day that this is how he found you? eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Pet Rock's Shannon Campbell says:

"This company will gather background information, then stalk, and then invent a 'coincidental' meeting between a man and the woman of his dreams. How much? The least you can expect to pay is $78,000. The won't accept 'missions' from ugly people or women, they won't talk to the media, and they won't disclose where their offices are located. You also can't tell anyone you used this company."

For that, I'm adding Ms. Campbell to the sister roll.

Hey, Sister, Go Sister, Go Sister, Go Sister

In honor of sisterhood...



A mascott of sorts. Sister Mary Blogger, Eh?

Thanks, ebay.

"she is in excellent condition as she has been kept in a glass display case." (haven't we all?)

That idiot dorkvak is at it again

And trying to be funny. It doesn't work. This time he even takes a jab at us. We're in good company though. He's messing with RageBoy too. The least he could have done is link. Fucker.

"5. Jargon. Pepper your text with words like screed, grok, gonzo, meme, and other bloggerisms to show that you are a hip and with-it blogger. Women bloggers should use the word sister a lot."

Dorkvak (I call him this so as not to boost search results on his actual last name) ought to be familiar with jargon. His writing is full of it. And so is he.

Pot Calling Kettle

This is likely to be a long one. It is a day for breaking things. I broke my coffee maker. Then I slammed my coat in the car door, not realizing until I reached for a cigarette that I had actually slammed my coat *pocket* in the door, thereby shattering my cigarette filter. I spilled water all over the inside of my car. And that was before 11 a.m.

So lets see if I can break some more stuff.

In searching up blog sisters on google, I came across a couple of entries I had missed when they were originally posted. Shame.

This one by Ms. Yourish on 3/24 is a response to a post I made in blog sisters' first 24 hours of life (when we were jeered as much as linked to). One of our early critics was Brigitte of eaton web, whom Elaine refers to in this post, which elicited my intense emotion.

Meryl takes exception with what I feel was a valid defense of this blog in her critique on the debate, saying among other things:

-"The defensiveness, the perceived insult and lashing out at having one's intent questioned is what registers."

-"It is also important to note that Brigitte maintains the Eatonweb Portal, one of the most influential portals in Blogdom. I'm not saying she would refuse to list Blogsisters because of the above comment--I doubt she's even read it--but in one short, cutely-titled post, Jeneane Sessum manages to put down both a fellow Blogsister and a woman whose portal lists nearly 4,000 blogs--of which Blogsisters is not yet one. A short trip to look around Eatonweb instead of flinging insults might have been the more constructive thing to do."

-"If bloggers want to be taken more seriously--if bloggers think they should be treated with the same respect as professionals--then they need to start thinking about applying some simple rules of logic and civility to the debates that can rage across blogs."

breaatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

First of all, I defended this blog and my effort at making it happen and ensuring its successful lanch. Absolutely. Guilty on the "defensive" count. Cop to it. Wouldn't change a thing if I had it to do over again.

Second all, I have looked at the eaton web portal, quite extensively in fact, before, during, and after my response to Brigitte's initial critique. Just so we're straight, I don't temper my voice or my thoughts based on the popularity or influence of the person I'm challenging. Nice that she spends so much time on the portal. Couldn't care less what she thinks of me. Don't know why she has an issue with me, but some of what I've seen after that initial post makes me think she does. And for the record, I don't care.

A response to Meryl's third comment, ya give respect, ya get respect. You mess with my family--online or offline--you get a mess back.

And for the record....

What Meryl doesn't mention is that eaton web posted more on 2/28. Try this on for size:

"...when you follow a link from a good weblog and the content is less than desireable, you feel that you've wasted 5 minutes and have a right to complain about that waste. usually in the form of commentary about the content or poor writing. if i had followed that blog sisters link from doc searls website, i would have been considerably more irritated at the time waste. each weblog has a certain trash factor, the better the weblog and the more your interests coincide with the author's, the lower the trash factor."

And more:

"oh wait, nevermind. i have my explanation. it's the 'it's' in a popular weblog so it must be interesting, important, exciting, new, attention worthy, ' phenomenon. Doc Searls linked to blog sisters. presumably for the catchy tag line. sigh. 2 days of reading weblogs again has made me realize why i cut back so drastically in the first place."

Now let's remember, the blog's like a day and a half old at this point, having zoomed to number 3 on daypop. I'm working like hell to get everyone on the team who wants to be, to fix the template, to add all the links, to hurry hurry, to thank those who linked to us. And some of the first WOMAN blogged feedback I read was eaton web's initial jab:

"I look at Blog Sisters. at first, i thought it's purpose was to link to all the current female webloggers. but, i couldn't believe that someone would be attempting to list ten's of thousands, if not hundred's of thousands, of people. so i spent the next 15 minutes scanning through all the posts trying to figure out the purpose of the site. all i could gather was that it was a weblog devoted to women's issues. why is this so highly linked? there's 2 day's worth of content. half of which are posts about who linked to them and how high they are on daypop. what am i missing?"

How would you feel? How would you react? And be honest.

Rage, Blame, and Voice, and the Dark Side of Femininity

I have no TV right now, and it's driving me crazy. But that's a digression, or an introduction, because it has to do with my point. So anyway, I'm watching these old X-Files episodes I've taped to keep myself from snapping (I know, I need help), and this one came on that I've always liked, because it (to me) sort of captures what the X-Files was meant to be about, which is human nature and its mysteries, not really aliens or the supernatural.

So in this episode, there are a bunch of mysterious deaths, involving ravens, broken mirrors, and vicious claw marks. Something primal is scaring people in reflections and killing others in a quiet small town. Turns out the killer is really a meek little housewife, taking notes from Martha Stewart, cooking eggs benedict for breakfast. Her husband has been wanting out of the marriage for several years, and has begun to sleep around, but she clings to the marriage and lives in denial, repressing her rage at her husband's infidelity and unwillingness to stay. She physically transforms into a horrible figure, perhaps suggesting a manifestation of Cathubodva or the Morrigan, accompanied by ravens, horrible to look at. She is the dark, destructive, feminine force. But she can't stand to see her own dark side (hence all the broken mirrors, which spontaneously burst as her image slides across them), it drives her insane. Mulder says something about this at the end of the episode (I can't remember the exact words) to the effect of, "It [her anger] had to come out somehow."

Women today, in much of Western culture, are not allowed to have a dark, destructive voice that is healthy. We live in denial, we hide our dark sides. (And here I'm not attempting to say, by excluding mention of men, that they are or aren't allowed to have dark sides. In some ways, this is true for both genders as we become more "civilized" in the worst sense of the word, but I especially think it true for women.) We are allowed to be birth, but not death; healers and nurturers, but not warriors or defenders; we are the "gentle" sex, we are quiet, subdued. Somewhere inside, rage bottles up, and pops out in ways that are unhealthy to us and those around us.

To tie in something that probably doesn't fit, it always seems to me that it's angry mothers who start ridiculous lawsuits. That's a huge generalization, but I read this article today sent by a friend. It's very anti-gaming in tone, which bothers me, because even though I'm not currently an active gamer, I am an avid one. The article describes a lawsuit of a woman against the makers of the game EverQuest, blaming the game for her son's suicide. It's the age-old argument about the "evils" of fantasy-- people are unhappy with their real lives, so they burrow into fantasy as some sort of wish fulfillment to hide from reality. Obviously, I don't agree with that assessment, but I want to get back to my main point, because I could go on and on about what I think fantasy really is. ;-)

Utlimately, when I read this article, for me it begs the question: what is really this woman's goal? Does she think that warning labels about a game's addictiveness will really solve anything? What got left out of the story? This woman is in battle mode, she's raging, angry (and right to be angry about her son's death), but to me her need for a scapegoat seems like a stretch (I don't really see how the game is specifically at fault, people can use anything as a tool for their addictive behavior). In what ways is she in denial? In what ways did she try to be the good nurturing mom and fail? Is she embittered that her son turned to an online game instead of her? Has she become something she can no longer bear to look at objectively?

Techiesisters -- I need your help!
OK, this is where you find out what an total idiot I am when it comes to these stupid machines. I don't know what I did to my computer, but here's what's happening (and I hope one of you might be able to tell me if there's something I can do to fix it before I haul it ito the shop and have to be offline for a week. urrggh). I have Windows 98 and a pretty hefty Athlon processor.

When it's booting up, I get a message that it can't find a file needed to run a windows application -- SYSTEM.INI -- that it's no longer listed and I should try uninstalling the associated application and then reinstalling it. And a couple of lines down it says "vesecp.vxd." I have no idea what the "associated application is or what I did to mess it up. Then it says I can click on any key to continue booting up without that application, so that's what I do.

And then as the desktop is coming into view, there's a little window with a searchlight that says it's looking for E_SRDVO3.exe. Huh? Of course, it can't find it, so I cancel out of that window. And things boot up.

I know that, whatever it is, it's affecting my ability to use my printers. I went and dowloaded (again) the drivers I need, but that wasn't the solution. I'm not really sure how to uninstall and reinstall my Epson printer/scanner software program -- that's how clueless I am. If anyone has any suggestions, can you just email me directly???? I am sooooo frustrated! Sigh. Thanks.

Women and voice continued

Esta, yes this is just what I am going through. I too started writing with poetry, first published at the age of 12, albiet a poem about my horse (who was then my four-legged safehouse). But it was the beginning of a journey that has taken me until my near 40th year to come to grips with and just begin to understand. (I guess I am a late bloomer).

And it has taken the Internet to rekindle this voice that I buried for so long. Now that it has been unleashed, I am changing physically, emotionally, and spriritually on so many levels it's frightening to me. Who am I? I thought I knew. Happy to remain in the background. Anxious of the unknown. Secure with my own fears. These things were familiar, if not healthy. And suddenly, I find myself staring into an abyss that was me, and my heart is broken, my head is spinning, I am liberated and terrified at once. I write, I change. I change, I write. Blogging is the tool this day--setting free prose and poetry and words and emotions I had lost touch with, thought better left untouched.

In some ways, this is all so uncomfortable, and in other ways, it's so natural.

And I still don't think most men bloggers are going through this same thing. I would love to understand their journeys but few tap into where they have been in relation to where they are headed. Mike Golby does. And Marek does, to name two. And to me, their journeys are different from ours. They speak in more global terms--they seek to fix the world, while I seek to fix myself; they carry into their blogging global burdens and prescriptions for the future, while I focus on personal burdens, mainly from the past. Their release is often violent and outwardly chaotic. My release is one of inner turmoil, and my journey stems from the inside outward.

The cultural and gender implications in blogging and burgeoining voice--that I once thought were bull--may in fact be astounding.

No wonder my head is spinning.

woman and blogging role

Lately, I've been thinking about women's roles--as wives, mothers, workers, and so on. All of the recent discussion here has me thinking. And when I think, I start to write things down, which I'm doing here without much forethought or planning. I've said I'm not a feminist. I don't believe in generalized pro-woman speak. But still...

I'm thinking about women and blogging, especially thanks to the discussions we've been having here. We got flack in the beginning of this excursion called blog sisters from some not wishing to be 'defined' by gender, which is not what I think we are doing here. Still, women bloggers are different, aren't we? I think we are, in some very important ways, ways that I see connected specifically to voice and the release of voice.

As women, the historically the more repressed sex (at least in American history), blogging offers us something special. A chance to experiment with voice, to define voice, and finally to release voice.

Repression undone.

Having come from a family where chatty girl children were reminded they should be seen and not heard, where male children were cherished, given free rein, given the benefit of the doubt, "believed" above all else, I'm coming to grips with the meaning behind the evolution of my own personal voice during my first four decades on this earth. What is happening--has happened--to me through blogging is very significant in my personal journey to find and release my own voice. In fact, I don't think I had my own voice until I started blogging.

Is it different for men? I think so. I think, on the net, until now at least, men have been the default. They have an inherent credibility here, their voices found an immediate home here. I don't think we as women had it so easy. We had to work a little harder, speak a little louder, yell some, maybe stamp our feet, take risks, and say to our online neighbors: We're here. And we're not just talking about weight loss, and we're not just chatting about parenting, and we're not just here to shop. We are thinking, we are shaping, we are creating, we are catalysts.

We are changing and we are change.

Repression comes in many forms, steming from the universal, the global, the local, even the familial.

Voice repressed is at the root, I think, of much unhealth. Much distress. And I think women, and with them other minorities, stand to risk and gain more from blogging--from the discovery and release of voice--than we have even yet imagined. We've only just scratched the surface.

Such is my journey anyway. You?

Another giggle for the formerly married.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a .45 Revolver. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room, you will find you wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Six shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Marriage Material

I think it's dangerous to make sweeping generalizations, about anything, and regard them as absolutes. Of course there are relationships and marriages where both the husband and wife contribute equitably to the union. Of course there are marriages where each partner is satisfied with the other's level of contribution (whether it is, from an outsider's view, equitable or not). I think that by writing "all husbands" and "all wives" Maushart discredits her point of view.

With that said, however, based on my experience and that of many of my friends, even the most independent-minded women are surprised, and confused, when traditional marital roles sneak, surreptitiously, into their marriage. I am in my early thirties. I am divorced after a pretty-good, but not completely satisfying, 6-year marriage. My parents had a "traditional" marriage. They got married while at university. Mom didn't finish her degree because she had a child. Dad did. Dad was the primary breadwinner. Mom stayed home with the children until we started school then she worked part time. Even though I saw this as a model, I was told, by both my parents, and by outside influences, "You can have it all. You can have a satisfying career. You can travel. You can find a partner who will respect all these things, help with the housework, be kind, sensitive, and present for your emotional needs." This may be possible. I didn't find that person.

Both my husband and I automatically fell into roles we had seen our parents perform (even though we consciously tried not to). The role of "wife" was new to me. Though I had been told one thing, I had seen another. Many times, the role I had observed was the role I took on. So maybe marriages in which division of labor is more equitable will be more common in the future, where young women and men will have had role models for this behavior.

In hindsight, however, I wonder, hmmmmmm. I was told about all the benefits I would derive from a wonderful, modern-day marriage. Yet, I wasn't told about the sacrifices I would need to make (because there are many). I wasn't told how much work our relationship would take. I wasn't taught how to compromise. How many people (women and men) are taught these things? How realistic are our expectations? How hard are we willing to work to accomplish them?