Managing the Blog Sisters Explosion

I am so pleased to report that we've had a steady influx of new sistahs. We obviously are getting very well known around the net. And that's because we are an open, accepting, tolerant, choice-committed group, right?

We don't have a mission statement as such -- but I want to state here what I tend to tell potential members who email me to ask about what we are about. This is what I say: Blog Sisters is pretty much whatever the members want it to be. Conversations range from parenting to abortion to politics to relationships. Our members range from high school girls to "older and wiser" women, from stay-at-home moms to full-time high-level professionals and unemployed techies. What we have in common is our commitment to personal choice and a general irreverence toward partriarchies.

In light of the post below from our very newest member, I felt I should see if we really do have consensus about where Blog Sisters is coming from and where it stands. I think that we all have strong convictions -- including religious, political, dietary, fiscal, gender, etc. etc. And I would like to think that the two things that we have in common are our belief that we all have the right to make our own choices about how we live our lives and our commtiment to supporting each other in that right.

Am I wrong?

Choose Life license plates

This is my first post at Blog Sisters and I just want to say thanks for having me!!!!! And now, on to my post:

Those damn Bush boys. In Florida, you can buy a personalized license plate that says "Choose Life" and the money for said plate will go for anti-choice groups. While Florida is the only state currently using these plates, other states (CA, IA, IL, KS, KY, MI, MN, MS, NC, OH, OK, PA, SC, and WV) are thinking about setting up similar plans.

You can read more about this here at the Center for Reproductive Law and Policy.

More on nature v. nuture (etc.), this time in the classroom

The Chronicle of Higher Education reports that a new anthology, The Jossey-Bass Reader on Gender in Education, has been published. It offers 34 articles on the question: is biology destiny in the classroom? According to the Chronicle's review, the focus is elementary through college education, and the anthology includes discussion of the nature-versus-nurture debate, analysis of classroom obstacles encountered by both males and females, and an examination of gender-equity in the curriculum. It also addresses violence and sexual harassment, challenges the idea that all students respond alike to specific educational approaches, and finally, it includes a discussion of single-sex and coeducational schools. Could be worth a look.

Annie Mason, Great Letter

Reviewing the last twenty five posts I believe Annie's letters say what needs to be said. There is the one about the survey from 7/26 and the newest one from 8/2. All of you are saying important things. Everyone's voice is beauty in the chorus of breathe (electrons on a screen, too).

My father always said the squeaky wheel gets the grease and would verbally abuse mom (and me) when she became squeaky. Hello, corporate America, women are on the rise. Your men have been dipping too deep in the money holding cookie jar. Is this a leftover from the folklore that a man would steal the household money out of the cookie jar to go get drunk on? Let's see men feed the machine of exploitation, especially of children and women, with new bodies without mothers.

Brain "sex" is interesting too. A good friend of mine pointed out that there are brain cell structure parts ( I don't know much brain cell stuff) in transsexual men which are identical to genetically born women. That stuff only gets that way because of DNA. So then my friend says even women discriminate against transsexuals ( and white women discriminate against black women). DNA, brain sex, or any other difference given by the Great Goddess, does not mean any of us are free from someone else's idea of hierarchy and blessings of privilege. Unjust discrimination is a form of keeping unearned privilege for the benefit of the few that fit toward a stereotypical idealization (blonde hair blue eyes, Victoria's Secret look, as an example).

When I was 19 my maternal grandfather told me that my great-grandmother, a full blood Mohawk woman, allowed her husband to register my grandfather's birth as "white" so he wouldn't have to face the hatred in the late 1800's. Great-Grandmother was of more fair complexion and facial structures so she could "pass." In my college days, being known as Indian would have excluded me from the education I received. It wasn't until the American Indian Movement people began fighting for rights that American Indians stopped being involuntarily sterilized by the United States Government. My two sons might never have been here.

Remembering the past is important, and remembering that all of us live by the privilege passed on to us from our ancestors is very important. Depending on our place in the spectrum of privilege we all owe gratitude to the slaves who died making America. We owe gratitude to the American Indian mothers who often had to escape calvary charges carrying their babies in sub-zero weather. My grandmother on my father's side didn't talk much about how the Henesseys, Kennedys, and Spilaines, got here from Ireland. They were hungry when they arrived. We owe gratitude to those who came as indentured servants and rejects from their homelands which weren't secure from state sponsored terrorism. So I carry my awareness forward and sincerely do my best to think about the seventh generation to come as I am told my Mohawk heritage people do. The way most men in this world dismiss and treat women and children, I don't think we humans are going to survive until the seventh generation to come. We all owe deep and total gratitude to our Great Mother Earth for giving to us. I pray that as women become more involved in the halls of business that feminist principles and especially Eco-feminist principles begin to reverse the rape that masculinity has perpetuated on women, children, and the Earth. That we have to write Senators to support equal rights for women is a very sad state of our collective existence for all humans and all sentient beings.

Women's Treaty Update
The Senate Foreign Relations Committee's vote was 12 to 7 in favor of sending CEDAW to the full Senate. For more information go to the Human Rights Watch. You can view the hearing by clicking on the "Take Action Now" graphic on the left.

So, did anyone else watch "Brain Sex" last night?
The gist of the program was that, according to studies that used MRI technology to track energy surges in the brains of males and females exposed to the same stimuli, the brains of each gender function differently. The result is that we respond to our world-based experiences differently. However, we can learn to find greater common ground. That's where nurturing, teaching, and modeling come in. I think that we all agree that we can learn to minimize the innate differences between genders so that we can work together to build better relationships and a better world in general; the problem, as many here have verbalized, is getting the guys to figure out how to neutralize some of that aggression-triggering testosterone. (And it's not that women are not also affected by their own testosterone levels. However women tend to have much lower levels than men.) Again, biology dictates where we begin; but the rest of our brains, in concert with our hearts and souls, can chart a much more positively connected course for our shared lives.

anti-sister in da house

What does Celine smell of? My guess was that the noisome noise-stress reeked of dead babies, toilet candy and Pure Evil. Apparently, I was foolishly misguided and it's all Woody Base Notes with Sonatas of Oriental Lily or some shite. In any case, her Dion-ship joins the horde of chantoozies with a signature whiff and unveils plans to bring us something that will not be called Celine, as a rival designer has already trade-marked that lyrical appellation. Nor will it be called Irritating Canadian Bint. Which is a shame.

So it's all in our heads?
Do male and female thought processes differ (beginning with human formation in the womb) and so there really are innate gender differences in terms of our skills and abilities? The Brain Game: What's Sex Got to Do With It airs on ABC-TV at 10 p.m. EST this Wednesday. Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Good Morning America contributor, surveys the latest scientific research, which seems to indicate that male and female brain powers differ because of biology. I, for one, am very curious to hear what the program does with this subject.

Sometimes biology is destiny.
Relative to all of the discussions here, you might be interested in reading this.

Women in Refrigerators

Just when I thought I'd run out of things to post here, I stumbled across this site in my many meanderings. The author of the site attempts to examine the frequency with which female characters in comic books get offed especially messily or have some other form of extreme violence exacted upon them (e.g. rape). It's a cool little site, esp. since it includes a lot of responses from comics creators/ professionals. It's not a statistical examination, it just brings up an interesting concept for discussion. Worth a read, maybe even if comic books aren't totally your thing.

[edit]
Here's a quote from an article by John Bartol on the site:

"The point is this: our beloved heroes and heroines, the idols of our childhood and myths of our adult nostalgia, are not exactly all running plays from the same Campbellian playbook. Their fates are not the same, their lives are not the identical epics of archetypal meaning. Someone seems to be getting the shaft."

Trolling For A Blog Sisters Review

There's what sounds like a worthwhile movie out in the U.S., "Lovely And Amazing," starring Catherine Keener ("Being John Malkovich") and Brenda Blethyn ("Secrets & Lies"), and written and directed by Nicole Holofcener ("Walking and Talking"). The official Web site is here, and lots more is here (trailers and showtimes on both). It's a mom-and-daughters story that has gotten (mostly) excellent reviews; here's an informative one from Stephanie Zacharek on Salon. Anyone seen/would recommend it?

Carol Gilligan Strikes Again

From the latest New Republic:

Gilligan's famous contention is that girls and women are possessed of a distinctive morality more attuned to maintaining relationships and caring for others than to arguing for justice and equity. This generalization has often been taken as the product of stringent empirical research. So has Gilligan's idea that plucky and confident girls wilt into diffidence on the cusp of adolescence.

While there is certainly a shred of truth in some of Gilligan's assertions, it bothers me that they are presented so often as foregone conclusions instead of statistical curiosities. Not all girls wilt; not all women are good at relationships (lord knows). And arguing for justice and equality? Women are not good at that?

It was one thing for Gilligan to popularize the notion that patriarchal systems tend to quash and undervalue the feminine in places like schools (boys are called on more than girls etc.) This was pointing out differences in how women were treated.

Presenting women as morally superior, outside of the context of various social systems, is interesting and we like to hear it, but it invites the other side of "difference feminism": if women are better than men at one thing, they are probably worse than them at something else. Like balancing checkbooks or parallel parking. Do we really want to get into thse kinds of bogus equations?

Attention!
Steve Outing, senior editor, Poynter.org refers to Blogsisters as an example of a group webblog in this article:

Blog Sisters - More than 80 women contribute to this blog on women's issues. It's a diverse group, though lots of the contributors are writers and all publish their own weblogs.

:)

(PS: Sorry, Elaine. Just noticed that you beat me to it :)

Men, please take note!

According to this very interesting report, while women are beginning to outnumber men on college campuses, some demographers say that "American men are becoming less literate, less ambitious, less responsible, and less employable than women".

Quoting from the article:

-- "Men are less mature today than they were 20 years ago." [Is this really true? On what basis is this maturity or immaturity measured and what is the evidence that the article talks about but does not explain]

-- "Traditionally, men have been more likely to marry women with less earning potential and professional stature, although that trend is shifting." [Is it really shifting? I suspect, most men still feel the same!]

-- "It is predicted that finding a successful husband (read, someone who earns more) will become increasingly difficult. This also means that the choice for younger women will be more constrained than it was 20 years ago.

An American study which does throw forward some interesting statements. Except, I'm sure how factual or correct they really are. I doubt one study is enough to reveal the true statistics and give us a more correct picture about this one.

Nostalgia: the last refuge of the copywriter.

Gina- it’s certainly not the past which I disdain. This era of corporate feudalism, Nsync AND McHappy Meals certainly needs its fundament looked at by a Professional.
Tis nostalgia which I abhor. Hence, the (rather purple, I concede!) parody of an objectionable meme that keeps re-infecting my inbox called ‘Remember When’.
Nostalgia, and its fraternal twin ‘retro’, seems to me to be the temporal equivalent of patriotism. Zeal for the customs, constructs, language of a place, or time, just ends in friction and broken bodies, if you ask me. Or, at the very least, syrup-y correspondences and VILE ad campaigns.
It is not the past, but the fetishisation of the past – nostalgia, which is, perhaps, the penultimate refuge of the scoundrel.

A new Blog Sisters fan?"
I noticed a brand new male-person's comment on Helen Razer's post and so went to check him out. His post on Jim Throws Gasoline on the Fire, (you have to scroll down to get to it because his permalink takes you somewhere else), which gives his take on motherhood, is very very much well worth reading. I don't know how fertile_jim found us, but he's my kind of guy.

And, speaking of motherhood -- MY GRANDSON IS ON THE WAY. My daughter is in labor. Send good vibes to Boston, everyone!

Blog Sisters highlighted in article on group weblogs
Our reputation is spreading. We are one of four group weblogs cited in an article by Steve Outing at Poynter.org. My thanks to b!X for emailing me about it.

Accoring to the main page of the weblog article, Poynter's Steve Outing also is a columnist for Editor & Publisher Online. Recently, he wrote a column suggesting that newspapers give weblogs to all editorial staff (read the column here), which generated considerable discussion and controversy.

Past and present space/time and our belief

Time has a different meaning to me today than it has just a few short years ago. When I was nineteen my Maternal Grandfather told me I was one eighth Mohawk and that some people would hate me if they found out. He felt compelled to tell me since Mom died in a car crash when I was 16. He wanted me to know his heritage and that my great grandmother was a full blood. He wanted me to know that things are not always what they seem. Time is like that. It plays tricks on our minds with our beliefs. Today I had to explain to someone that once upon a time my empiracle mindset which believed only that which could be physically proven to me was totally shattered by a series of subjective events well beyond the pale of believability. I was converted and confirmed to Spirit and to a place of timelessness. Who was I to believe that the world, our Earth, was held in some saucer track of perfection rotating around the sun. Our Earth is never in the same place twice, ever, any millisecond of time, yet space itself is said to be folding back upon itself all the time. I have admitted that I have felt time speed up, slow down, stop, and go backwords. On my side of the family I am the oldest one now, but I know there is an extension of this reality. Perhaps it came from one of those silly jackpots I lived through but was unconscious for some part of time.
I am glad to see others have read the news from Pakistan. Witness is a very strong way we can connect. Our sisters in the world need our compassion and our activism. Yet we can trust that Spirit will make it alright. Let us not forget that our mothers and grandmothers wore veils to weddings and to church.

L Chandler, my sons were diagnosed ADHD and IDD. IDD means Inattention Deficit Disorder. He may be cautious but he has a genius IQ score. They both do. I knew once they were diagnosed that I had something similar myself. I have learned it is not a disorder nor is it deficit. It is simply a different form of cognition that is a very special gift. If you teach your ADHD's etc. that they have a special gift and feed it novelty, their minds will eat it up and soar. People with this gift can visualize the universe holographically, but then, who wants to listen to a Mohawk-Irish upstart woman with two kids who are deficit disordered.

The Great Mother does, of that I am sure. Do American women owe the world's women a helping hand? Do they want it?

In defense of the past

I debated whether to rain on this parade, and decided someone had to take the unpopular job of speaking up for times long ago. They mean something more profound than stereotypes.

You might say I dearly love the past. Let me admit my bias: a fun day for me involves going to the State library to look at microfilmed census records from 150 years ago, or perhaps visiting a tiny, long-forgotten, overgrown cemetery in the woods to record the names on the weathered stones. It was my first academic interest, discovered second semester of freshman year, sneakily replacing pre-law, and so I have an undergraduate degree in U.S. History and began a career as an educator. Plus, I volunteer for a town museum, a private house museum, a cemetery board and a town historical society. The book which induced me to take a risk and waltz out of the world of educational administration to the world of freelance is a memoir about my grandmother, Mimmie, that I have been working on since 1996.

I'm not suggesting it was somehow "better" then, and I don't hate the times we are in now. I'm optimistic, but not romantic. I take the long view, and think of it all as "life," all worth celebrating. If that's nostalgia, so be it. Mimmie's nearly 89 years on this planet were sometimes hard, but they were also often happy. She left actualized. She taught me some simple things, and some profound. I'm the first to admit to have been a big beneficiary of the increased opportunities available to women. I have kept my own name, I have a "modern" husband, and I am childfree (and by 40 people have stopped asking questions about it for a few years). I haven't had to struggle with my family over these things. Mimmie finished at the one-room school at eighth grade and that was all she wrote in the formal education arena. (But then so did my grandfather.)

Of course I enjoy many modern conveniences (electricity, computers, refrigerators), but there are a few that I choose not to embrace (convenience foods; chemical pesticides and fertilizers; instant messenger, driving). And I certainly don't like those silly email messages (on any subject) that beg to be forwarded. Years and years and years ago - heavens! It must have been the real early ‘90s -- did we have indoor plumbing then? -- when email was new to me, I dutifully opened every one, and scanned them for the two or three quips that brought a brief smile to my face. All of my email buddies got wise to it back in the golden oldie days of Windows ‘95, so I rarely get a forwarded spam now.

I wrote that I discovered history as a college freshman, but the reality is that I've always been charmed by it. In my small hometown there is a large reservoir, that supplies water to New York City. It was built starting in 1909. Several hamlets in two towns were relocated, and the valley flooded. From the dividing weir that crosses the Reservoir, it is impossible to look down at the water, at the panorama framed by the Catskill Mountains, and not to think about the rural people who lived in those lost villages, and not to wonder about the merits and demerits of technology's advance through that valley to bring water to thirsty urban residents 100 miles to the south. Those folks mattered. They persevered. Sometimes they even laughed.


Recently I have had the privilege of helping to sort through an ordinary family's collection from several lifetimes. Yes, people died because of the lack of antibiotics. Yes, aren't those drugs a marvel? But the truth is, death is a reality, a very sad part of life, even for those of us in modern society.

Judging from the bottles we found, they were obsessed with a product called Nujol for constipation (my guess is that without it they would avoid making trips to the outhouse at all costs). Sure, there were illiterate people; but in my census research I've been surprised to discover it was less than my expectation. In education we have some literacy issues of a different sort now - two are innumeracy and differential access to computer technology.

Plain, everyday, uneducated, working class people also read books and actually played music themselves (and they weren't even professional musicians!) - they wrote letters and talked and told stories to each other. They lived real lives, instead of watching people on television live artificial ones.

Now, no question the Internet has advanced communication. I have read somewhere that email has resurrected the lost art of letter writing -- for that alone it is a good thing. The voices of the past tell me so.

ladies, i am gleefully unemployed and returned. and angry!

If anyone forwards me a variation of this ultraright apologetic sappy shit one more time, I will vom. Argh.
Do you remember??
Close your mind and go back in time. Before Penicillin and dental hygiene.
Before general anaesthesia, double-entry accounting and civil rights.
Before feminism and domestic plumbing. Way back
I’m talking about segregation at the park. DDT, Asbestos.
Driftnet Fishing, church sanctioned child abuse, all-Polyester Leisure Suits, Cold War.
Smoking cigarettes and sun baking. Dalkon Shield.
The smell of lead based paint. The fear of Italian kids about to have the shit beaten out of them for daring to bring salami sandwiches to school.
Cowboys and Indians, Zorro!! More vapid racial stereotypes than you could poke a pointy hat at.
The worst embarrassment was to be picked last for a team. That is if you didn’t count the daily humiliations of being disabled, queer or from a non-English speaking background.
When nearly everyone’s mother was at home when you got back from school. When nearly everyone’s mother had a benzodiazepine dependency, chronic anxiety disorder and bile born of boredom.
Didn’t that feel good? Just think back and say, yeah I remember all that.
If you can remember these snippets or even some of them, then you are currently undergoing intensive cognitive behaviour therapy!!! Or, you are on Zoloft!!
If you wish to remain a tolerable human, do not make a fetish of the past or long for a ‘golden era’ that never really existed. Do not drown dumbly in nostalgia. Do not pass this, nor any other cookie cutter correspondence, on. Write your own damn emails.
GO ON I DOUBLE-DARE YA!!!

About pulling hair...

Annie -- I came here Sunday to share words of support and to bitch about my 13 yr. old son with you, but we had a power outage and my whole rant was lost. Oh well, it gave me time to think anyway.

We are mothers because we chose to be (thank the Great Mother we STILL have that right!). There was something inside us at conception that said, "Now's the time, and this child will bring me something I need and experiences I've never had before. Can I get a Hallelujah from the choir? This child, my 13 year old, has posed more challenges to me than I've ever had in any other aspect of my life. This was from the very beginning. We knew at 5 he was beginning to show signs of LD, and at 8 the teachers were screaming ADHD (he's not, not really, and we're only now beginning to find that out :P) so our family physician put him on Ritalin, requested a referal to a neurologist, which was denied by the HMO (don't even get me started...) and he was on that until we changed HMO's last year and he actually got to see a specialist.

He's always seemed slow and awkward after the age of about 8. He didn't actually read at grade level until 5th grade (Goddess bless Harry Potter and JKR) His hand writing is still illegible and his speech, while highly literate, is s l o w, so I tend to try to finish his sentences for him. That's led to some amazing fights, or to him withdrawing and not talking to me for a day or so. That's when I want to cry, and usually do.

Now we know that he has something called Sensory Integration Disorder, and that it's auditory and visual in nature. He hears and sees fine, but loud noises are horrible for him (has to cover his ears at ball games and movies because it's too loud.) He sees, but his vision is impaired because the muscles of his right eye failed to develop properly, so his left eye does nearly ALL the work, and we are just now finding all this out. So I cry in frustration for him some more and do everything in my power to help him catch up or learn to cope.. Add the hormones in there (his and mine!) and life in my house is interesting to say the least right now!

He was given to me and my husband to raise for a reason. His challenges are something my family needs to learn from in this life so that hopefully we will grow and become what we were meant to be. If we couldn't do it, really do it well, he wouldn't have come to us and brought us these life lessons to learn, right? I know I love this child with my last breath. And when this trial has passed away and we've moved on, there will be joy on the other side. I know it was that way with my mom and me. Even after I screamed in her face that she was a bitch and swore I'd hate her forever when I was 13 and she knocked me across the room for it, we were best friends by the time I was 17. When I was 16 I'd have told you it'd never happen, but in spite of everything it did anyway.

I hope this helps you, and all the other moms out there. When life throws you Llamas, make llama-ade, as a young lady of my acquaintance likes to tell me, and if it's lemons, that's even better ;-D

With joy and light, my Sistahs...

I'm trying really hard not to tear my hair out :( My blog is broken and it looks like I'm going to have to tear it down and rebuild it. I'm frustrated as I'd finally gotten a chance to blog about something Elaine got me thinking about during an email exchange we had while I was resting per doctor's orders. Technology is responsible for my high blood pressure today, I guess. So I'm going to let it go for a day or two. BUT I did want to share what I did for Marek which is stuck in blog limbo...

This is what I said:

Okay, first things first, as a recently ordained ::tongue in cheek:: SistahBlogger, I am climbing on the band wagon to blog for Marek. I don't know him, but I think I can understand how he feels. Lying in a hospital bed, condition indeterminant, and annoyingly curious doctors hawking about like vultures just for the challenge you have become. "Who's going to diagnose this patient's condition first?" they wonder. They poke and prod in places you weren't even aware existed until that moment. And you cry (or scream depending on your preference at the time)...not just because of fear, but more from frustration. Haven't these damn doctors "practiced" their professions enough to find out what the hell is wrong?

I'm sorry this is happening to you, Marek. I don't know you. You don't know me, but my good thoughts are now being moved from Elaine to you. And I know from experience that human compassion is always welcome in whatever form it comes to us. And Elaine, I'm glad you are doing well! ::turns attention to Marek and concentrates good thoughts his way::

ugh oh

Today's blog sisters alert: Hide your underwear! You know, as a collective, we're every man's dream. That and a buck fifty will get us a cup of coffee.

An eloquent example of other choices
Well, I've read about her before on other blogs, but I didn't seem to be able to connect with her dedication to strange technologies that I know nothing about. (I get excited when I type in the code correctly to make a link in a Comment box!) But her interview with Frank Paynter is a portrait in choices, and she restores my hope that all of that anguish some of us feminsts went through in the 70s was not all for naught. All of you who are caught in the web of societal and family expectations -- GO MEET DOROTHEA SALO. Her choices might not be yours -- and they wouldn't have been mine either -- but she shows you the range of what's possible for women of passion, courage, and (very importantly) self-awareness and honesty.

And, btw, if any of you have been trying to get to my weblog, my server/son has been having network problems and updates, so it's been off-line. Try again, later, please??

Carve your own future

That made a lot of sense, Elaine.

In a way, we have always looked at the women of the 'West' because you seem much more advanced and liberated.

And yet from the many posts that I have read here, the underlying problems seem to be the same.

The expectations from women and their supposed role - whether as a daughter, a mother and a wife - are more or less the same. Wherever we are in the world.

I agree when you say that it is therefore upto us to bring about the change. Not get mad and try and change our parents, or change the world but instead to try and bring up the next generation with a greater a sense of equality. If we bring up our sons and daughters as equals, we will definitely be sowing the seeds for change.

I think a lot of us commit the same mistakes and start 'acting' like our parents, becoming what they were like, sometimes not even realising the fact. It is perhaps true when they say that we are mirrors of our parents. That's why probably we will have to work harder to change ourselves first and then make sure our children learn the right lessons.

There are still some things we are in control of and those are the things we have to try and change.

Elaine, you put it beautifully as usual and I have to agree completely: "Have the courage to make your own waves and ride them into the future that you want for yourself."

Is This the Neverending Story?
It's very discouraging to read the posts here of today's young women who are still struggling with the same issues about self-determination that I struggled with more than 40 years ago. If we are still, as Rohinee says, in an "exerimental stage," how many generations is it going to take for the experiment to have results? Yes, we need to bring up our sons and daughters in an envrionment of equality. (But be prepared for them still to be different; mine are anyway.) Yes, we need to try to change society's systems that foster inequality. But guess what, girls. It's you who have to make your own life what you want it to be. Don't wait for the world to change. Change your own immediate world. Set your boundaries. Make your desires known. Do it as kindly as you can, but be prepared for consequences when you start being assertive. Be prepared not to have everything at once. Be prepared for the possibility that the men in your life will put up obstacles. Be prepared for your mother to cry and moan about what did she do wrong. If this is still an experiment, then that's all part of the process. If you don't do it individually, it won't happen globally. I repeat: get mad and then get the courage you need to make your life what you want it to be. Don't wait for some sea change. Have the courage to make your own waves and ride them into the future that you want for yourself.

First Get Mad, then Get Courage
Over on several other sites for the past week or so, there has been an ongoing conversation about "anger." And I suggest that the recent posts here on Blog Sisters are dancing around the fact that there still are some of us who are angry about finding ourselves in situations that we didn't really choose. I'm going to link you to a new blogger's perspectives on anger. (His permalinks are not working right, so it's the post on Wisdom Prayer) I really like the things he has to say and they way he says them.

In his post, he makes two pivotal statements:
Anger itself is not kinetic.
Learned helplessness is a malady of the mind as well as the spirit.

As I said in my comment to his post:
Sometimes women are maneuvered into roles and values that they never really chose, and then the anger begins to build. Anger at husbands, if they are married; anger at their mothers if they are not; anger at themselves for allowing themselves to be manipulated. The challenge they face is to turn that anger into the courage they need to non-destructively assert their own "Selves."

OK. So how does one begin doing that? (My own blog is down because of a netowork problems with my server, or I'd post about this there.)

And if you want to read a lot of other perspectives on anger, take a look at the post and comments at burningbird's here and here.

I am inclined to agree with Deborah's thoughts that women are pretty much in an experimental stage ( ideological evolution.. maybe ?) ; and not really knowing our definite role in todays dynamics of the world.
I have been thinking for a while on this..and do correct me if I am wrong.
More often than not we are compartmentalising individuals as men and women. When we do that we begin to define roles, priorities etc. and in an endeavour to do so get caught in a vicious circle of whats if and what not's of womanhood and manhood.
Why was there so much of distinction earlier and why does it still prevail in subtle ways today?
Men and Women are equal in ways ..they intrinsically have the same inspirations , same aspirations..
and according to me ( philosophically speaking ) a part of a whole..
I believe, apart from the physical aspects and related issues.., the growing up and nurturing of both should have been and should be
on an equal level.
However..we are bread differently, and thats how the strory really begins..
Imagine a prisioner or a bonded slave or even someone who has been denied. You could also compare the state of a school kid
having to follow rules and regulations.. and then imagine some one set free..
The first bit is the sense of freedom.. the joy..and slowly as you grow accustomed to the new found lifestyle.. you encounter issues related to it..how to deal with it.
Like hey now.. i can do this, i can do that..i can even do this but then i also have this to do, and then that..
Its about handling all what you want to do..with all that "have" to do... and what i would like to know is who defines that.. who defines what a woman must do? I dont believe any of us were born with life's little book of rules..but there is something instilled in the social psyche thats inhibiting..thats leading to stress, confusion.
I think if we accept that we all are equal.. that men and women both have equal responsibilities of bringing the bacon home, raising kids..devloping themselves, accepting that either one can be better at one role ..say..a woman can make more money than a man, a man can be a great parent than a woman..etc.will we able to really settle down.
When..How..well,thats anyones guess.

being an independent woman is a great thing. and its not about freedom. its about responsibility, about living life as an individual. person. and i am greatful for that. i love the idea of working for my living, payng my bills, managing money, being able to do what my heart desires with the rider of responsibilty towards my actions. what really excites me is the fact as a woman there really is a lot of adventure in all of this. sometimes there is a sense of discovery, a sense of thrill, excitement. i look at all the thing women do now days..work ( and i really mean slog) , cook, clean, take care of the house, the kids, participate in investment decisions. wow. and what about men? hmm slowly women are in a differently league all together.. u have them drinking hard after a hard days work..partying hard.. after all of that get home to start "work" there...burnout rate i bet is high. now you have a whole breed of newgeneration women with hypertention, alchoholic problems, early menopause, gout and a whole plethora of "new gen" health problems.. all arising out of extreme stress. you now have more divorces, more relationship issues..women with a lot of desires and aspirations..and men not really understanding any of it. you really cant blame the man.. he cant understand why women are so hyper now days.. and you really cant blame the woman she she is only being equal and is still learning to handle the new found "independence" where are we headed? where are we going? what is happening? i love the feeling.. i love the life..but dont want to lose control.

Unbelievable...

"A Pakistani tribal council ordered an 18-year-old girl to be gang-raped in order to punish her family after her brother was seen walking with a girl from a higher class tribe."

It's hard to believe that as we enjoy our freedom and sometimes even take it for granted, this is what's happening to women, in some parts of the world.

Dear All..
I would like say thanks for giving me place to speak my mind. Sometimes connecting lets you grow and develop. by voicing ideas and thoughts.. you are on a continuous learning mode. Not only are you expressing yourself but also the door to newer ideas is opened and you probably get a deeper understanding to yours as well.

Iranian Bloggers Follow-up

In case you hadn't noticed way down there in the comments, we got a couple of interesting responses on my post about the BBCNews article on Iranian women bloggers. One is from nwa who thinks Blogsisters is cool, and another from Mahdiyar, who kindly offered to be an ambassador for us to other Iranian femme bloggers. Thanks to both of you for responding!

A postscript: Even though my posts have been focused on Iranian bloggers, I hope it's obvious that my main interest here is in promoting women from all over the world to join blog sisters. I've always been interested in different cultures and what they have to offer, especially cultures I don't know much about, and the more here, the merrier.

P.P.S. Mahdiyar, your English is much better than my Persian, so don't apologize!

Another freebie from the Chronicle of Higher Ed

In a fascinating and very readable literature review entitled, "Are Girls Really as Mean as Books Say They Are?," Carol Tavris takes a look at The Birth of Pleasure, by Carol Gilligan (Alfred A. Knopf, 2002), Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes and the Myth of the Slut, by Emily White (Scribner, 2002), Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, by Rachel Simmons (Harcourt, 2002), Queen Bees and Wannabes: A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, by Rosalind Wiseman (Crown, 2002), The Secret Lives of Girls: Sex, Play, Aggression, and Their Guilt, by Sharon Lamb (Free Press, 2002), The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing Is Essential for Who We Are and How We Live, by Shelley E. Taylor (Times Books, 2002), and Woman's Inhumanity to Woman, by Phyllis Chesler (Thunder's Mouth Press/Nation Books, 2001).

Finally some action here!
Well, it's about time some Sisters surfaced. If you haven't checked the website (including bio) of our newest and most venerable Blog Sister Lorraine, do so. Very interesting lady here. And our never-venal Andrea can always be counted on as well.

As for me, here's something my very pregnant (due next week) daughter emailed me.

Subject: Women who read

A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking ‘isn't that obvious?’)

‘You're in a restricted fishing area,’ he informs her.

‘I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.’

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.

‘But I haven't even touched you,’ says the policeman.

‘That's true, but you have all the equipment.’

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Because sometimes Bad Girls are Fun

Train at home to become an Evil Empress today! You know you want to.

Highlights:

While seduction has its place in my vast arsenal, I realize that "evil" and "skanky" are not mutually inclusive. Royal Dressmakers unable to realize this fact will be flayed alive in the presence of their replacements.

If I require my Hag or Crone to poison someone, I will require the poison be quick and deadly rather than a mere sleep aid.

My Amazon Hordes will wear full body armor, rather than three small triangles of chain mail, which are reserved for dress occasions.

I will neither repress my Beautiful but Wicked Daughter nor smother my Handsome but Evil Son. It's hard enough raising a ruling family these days without extra dysfunctional baggage. No one wants disgruntled offspring suddenly "seeing the light" and turning Good simply because mother dearest gave them an unhappy childhood.

The appearance of weakness can be as useful as the appearance of strength. I will exploit the double standard for all its worth.

My poison-fanged or -clawed beast minions will not be spiders, snakes and ravens, but kittens, goldfish, and canaries.

"Straight-laced New England Pilgrim Lady Blogger"? Yeah, right!
Halley Suitt's candid and candied comments to probing interviewer Frank Paynter prove that she's anything but.

Paynter's latest interview of the blog's most fascinating women (heh -- that's my arrogant editorial sidebar, so don't attribute that to Frank) is a portrait of Halley that reveals her complex, creative, productive human mind, her wittingly raunchy female soul, and her attitude toward body that -- well, go and enjoy the view yourself. Move over ol' Madonna and Britney. We've got our own Madonna of the Blog.

What Weren't We Discussing about Andrea Yates?
An article by that title in the current Free Inquiry's online version forces a look at "The elephant in the middle of the room to which no one paid attention in the Andrea Yates case..."

It's the issue of birth control, and the author goes on to say this:
What he could have done, of course, as is tragically apparent, was to wear a condom. But that wasn't enunciated in all the Monday-morning quarterbacking that went on after the verdict and sentencing. What no one seemed to discuss, perhaps because doing so would not be politically correct, was the exact nature of the religious ideas that Andrea and her husband had adopted. Russell Yates was seemingly a man of the nineties, if not the twenty-first century-a National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) computer engineer at Houston's Johnson Space Center. But computers and engineering did not inform the couple's lifestyle. Until Andrea attempted suicide twice after the birth of their fourth son in 1999, the family lived in a converted bus. Russell then moved the family into a house, and it was decided that Andrea should home-school their children. He has been quoted as saying that they wanted to live "a simple traditional life" and that they wanted to avoid "social integration." (Neighbors who got him to bring the three oldest boys to a birthday party the weekend before the killing told a reporter that it was the first time they had met the Yateses since they moved into their house two years before.) The whole article is worth reading.

As blog conversations continue about gender issues at burningbird's and other sites, I just keep running across more and more situations where women are suffering under the partriarchal thumbs of clueless men. I think it's interesting that, although Frank Paynter has put out a call to interested men, challenging them to (as an email from Marek J. suggested) " a conversation behind the conversation" on men's attitudes toward women, only few male bloggers have demonstrated any interest in pursuing that topic. I find that very disappointing. If not you blogguys, than who?

www.blogsisters.com

Hey Sisters. Wanted to let you know that if it's easier to type in www.blogsisters.com, you now can and you'll arrive here. I have web-forwarding on the domain, which leads to our very doorstep. Enjoy! -jeneane

The Crone Has Flown
I invite you all to check out my old blog and see my final goodbye to Blogger. And then pop over and let me know what you think of my new MT site (thanks to b!X's Spartaneity Project).

Tune in to Locke

Chris Locke did a segment on Marketplace Morning Report today that will air tomorrow morning. He talked with Tess Vigeland about advertising and patriarchy, marketing to children, and gender roles. As always, he said a lot more than the short segment will relate; as always also, I'm sure it will be interesting.

See if your local station carries MMR and tune in tomorrow. If anyone has a tape recorder or another way to capture the discussion, that would be fantastic. The last time I tried to listen to a segment on my local station, something went haywire and the station didn't carry it. I sure would like to hear (or see a transcript) of this one. It's relevant to what many of us have been talking about lately.

Off to assume my mom role now and pick up my Baby Blogger.

Gender Gap in Higher Education

Although the trend exists in many four-year institutions as well, an article in this week's Chronicle of Higher Education focuses specifically on community colleges, where it is more dramatic: student enrollment is about 60-40 in favor of women, and 151 women receive an associate degree for every 100 men. According to the article, some college administrators are asking "if some programs originally designed to make women feel more comfortable have inadvertently alienated men?"

One lens amongst many...

In response to a question put out by Marek J, regarding what defines us as “men” and “women” and the roles we play in the modern world (as part of a larger discussion initiated by Frank Paynter on the roles men might play in supporting feminist leadings) -- my thoughts, for the sake of discussion…

What makes men "men" and women "women"? Well, there is one school of thought that would say: our genetic programming. And there are certainly plenty who argue pretty heatedly with this school of thinking, but I personally find a great deal of value in it, not as an end all be all complete explanation, but simply as one lens among many for examining a complex subject.

According to Evolutionary Psychology, we behave as we do due to an inherent drive to see the continuation and success of our genes. Thus men are programmed to feel the desire to spread their seed to many, not just to one. Thus women are programmed to nurture. Thus men select women who display an aptitude for nurturing (especially if this was an aptitude they saw in their own mothers), and thus women select men who display an aptitude for providing and protecting (especially if this was an aptitude they saw in their own fathers). As modern humans, we struggle to overcome many of these inherent drives -- modern man struggles to resist his urges for cheating; modern woman aspires to be more than just nurturer; and together we aspire to form partnerships based on more than just our genetic make-ups.

Where it becomes complicated is in the reward structures we have woven into modern society. Under capitalism, which also ascribes to the same basic laws of "survival of the fittest," there is little reward or compensation for those inherently female roles, such as being a good nurturer, because there is little value placed on them, which translates to little market value -- both in the cases of motherhood itself and the nurturing professions (teaching, nursing -- both roles in which the best nurturers amongst us should flourish, but both examples of predominantly female roles that are not-coincidentally under-valued and under-compensated). This is likely due to the fact that the "return on investment," so to speak, on nurturing is neither immediate (as we've increasingly come to demand) nor directly attributable. Certain Alpha male behaviors, on the other hand, tend to be both more immediate in their results and more directly attributable. Our capitalist system is run by Alpha males and would not thrive if it were otherwise. Why do men strive to be Alpha? Because then they will be selected by the prime females. Or something to that effect...

At any rate, before we females chastise the Alpha male-dominated capitalist system, we must note the degree to which we reinforce it. We are, all of us, consumers. And many of us are also investors. And managers, and employees, and business owners. And role models. All part of the system -- the macrocosm that embodies everything from the bedroom to the playground to the boardroom.

Another point that I would like to make is about the romanticizing of women. The fact is, power corrupts -- it twists and it taints and it tempts -- and were women at the helm of industry and politics, you can bet that there would be no less corruption nor violence. It might be a little different in form, but it certainly wouldn't be any more a utopia than the world we currently live in. We see plenty of that already -- trouble is, when we see it, we conveniently dismiss these women as behaving like men. Maybe they are; or maybe they are behaving like humans in positions of power. It's hard to say because it shapes itself into a circle.

What's more, women can be incredibly cruel. We don't see it so much because it is far more covert, tends to be smaller scale, and is psychological rather than physical. It's also insidious. Boys, you don't know cruelty unless you've ever been an adolescent girl.

Of course, I can say that, because I'm a woman. If a man said anything of the sort he'd likely be impaled for it. That's the sad reality of politically charged conversations -- you piss off a lot of people if you try to strip away too much of the comfortable bullshit. Women, as a group, are not above reproach, and neither are we simply victims (some are, yes, but those of us who talk about it the most are not). Don't get me wrong -- I'm far from the Camille Paglia school of anti-feminism -- but I think that no real progress comes without balance and objectivity.

And to that end, I really do value spaces such as BlogSisters where women's voices and thoughts can flourish, and I value them all the more in knowing that men are listening in and thinking and learning and responding. There is a balance to be found, and I think we're starting to find it in small spots like this.

All Hail the Queen of BlogGeeks!
Awesomely articulate Andrea Roceal James is the subject of Frank Paynter's latest intense interview. Since this lovely GeekIcon is my apprentice Crone, I admit a very strong bias. But that's not the only reason I'm so delighted to have her as a Blog Sister. If there's such a thing as an "old soul," she is one of them. Read her interview and see why the world needs more twenty-something females like this Web Monkey Grrr. (And there's photos, too!)

Treaty for Women's Rights
Following up on Robin's and jfcates' posts below, I have posted a piece on my blog with links to the Treaty site and a call for action. Please feel free to use what I wrote on your own blogs or just steal my links and write your own plea in support of the Treaty.

On Women's Own Voices

I found This Page today, and have listened to Elizabeth Bishop reading Manuelzinho in her own voice, which I found fascinating. Listen and enjoy.

Islam, Conservative Christians and women's rights

In the New York Times this passed week was an editorial piece about the women's rights treaty. An overly graphic tale of an Islam Imman from Pakistan beating his wife until she ran away, and then after she was captured and returned, burning out her vagina with a 240volt charged iron rod, appalled me. What was even scarier is there has been no massive outcry generated from that article.

It is clear to me that the mysoginist attitudes of the Christian Right and their view of family values is very close to the mysoginist attitudes of Moslem fundamentalists. These are control issues built around women as family slave, as property of the master.

My field of work and study deals with images. Our cultural imagery is rife with thin submissive women and over muscled obnoxious men. The other image of men is the federal blue suit, white shirt and red power tie. Attorney John Ashcroft was so uncomfortable with the stone breasts of justice behind him when he talked that he made his department cover the work of art with a federal blue drape.

I am in the story board phase of my next video which will be about images. My first choice for an image is my mother in her wedding gown. It is a very long gown swirling out around her on the floor. Her veil is lifted only because the photo was to convey an after marriage image. The veil is the same veil the Moslem women are under, and it was a Christian veil. So the cultural connection is not that far in our past. Her dress also prevents her from easily walking, let alone running away. Her clothing traps her and conveys that message. Her body is displayed through curve and fold, allowing her maiden image to sexually arouse.

And I will go deeper into those meanings in the video.

America is sick. The country is sick with fear and self loathing. I see it in the bravado of militarism. A handful of whacko freak men managed to kill a few thousand souls whom deserved better. Now the leaders we have squabble over who let the idiots into the country and who let those idiots fly planes into working offices. The sickness is in the greed that opens us to whackos from abroad. And we are not considering the whackos who live here amonst us. Our sickness gives the symptom of whackos. An insidious possibility is that those that knew might have been hoping some sort of action would come so that they could do the very things they have done to take more intensive control in their co-op.

The rest of us are trying to figure out how to be appropriately patriotic, defensive, and still solve the major problems we had before the war on terror made discourse almost impossible. Roe vs. Wade may not be a perfect solution, but it is a far better solution than stoning to death women who have been raped and then accused of infidelity. Universal health care might just spend some money on the indigent. Structuring the economy to provide a living wage as a base might eliminate homelessness, but it would threaten the system of exploitation, too. Having the community raise our children as well as Mom and Dad, might not sell as many refridgerators--and I can witness for myself and my neighbors, the children can eat down all the refridgerators in a block pretty quickly--but global warming may slow down as a result.

Do we have it in us to pressure the congres to ratify the international women's treaty? Just because we already enjoy those privileges it seeks to enforce for all women, does that mean we can let the world's sisters suffer while we watch and use up the resources?

Another thing that has been pissing me off is the slamming of the Green Party, of which I am a member. I am a member because the other party, the Demopublicrats, has forgotten about me in favor of some good old boys who aren't even real, Mr. Inc's. I don't want to spoil elections, I want to win elections. I want Green Victories and the Green Platform.

Oh well, I've said my piece; just another feminine voice of love.

Robin

Two Blog Sisters Meet in Maine

Nothing better than a blog sister hangout day. Halley and Elaine had a day on the beach this week. I'm sure they'll post soon filling us in on the details. They must still be emptying sand out of their shoes. In the mean time, here they are, with Elaine sporting a groovy Blog Sisters' shirt! Where'd you get it Crone? I want one too!

Sisters Watch Out!
I'd very much like to know how Blog Sisters feel about one of the questions I asked on my site today. Here it is:
3.) What do you think about the alliance of conservative U.S. Christian organizations with Islamic governments (Iran, Libya, Iraq) "to halt the expansion of sexual political protections and rights of gays, women and children at United Nations conferences" (Washington Post article by Colum Lynch, June 17, 2002)?
I'm appalled by this, but will hold my tongue and see what others have to say. What I really wonder is what we can do about it?

Blogging in Iran

This is an interesting article from the BBC about how people in Iran are finding freedom on the web where they can't get it in 3-space. Very cool. Let's hope that the Iranian government continues to leave internet access and the web free and uncensored. Heaven knows the people there can use a way to express themselves unhindered.

I don't know much about Iran, but what I do know scares me. I had friends, a brother and a sister, in college who were Iranian. Their family had converted to Christianity and left Iran when they were both young, I assume at least in part because of the danger that decision had put them in. My friend Nagmeh had a scar on her forhead where she had been marked in case she ever tried to return to Iran.

This is for Linda -- too long to fit into the comment box...

I have struggled a bit with depression myself, going back to the time I was a teenager. I don't think my depression was anywhere near as extreme as many have to deal with (but it's always so hard to compare -- as you say, it's not tangible, and sometimes you wonder whether you're just being melodramatic). Anyway, back when I was a teenager, that was when I started writing. Writing became a "psychology of survival" for me (a term once used by a friend, which seemed very apt). I wrote a lot of poetry back then, it made my dark, melancholy feelings more tangible, and, perversely, beautiful.

Later, as I began to mature in my coping skills, I distanced myself from writing because I associated it with my depression, and I wanted to get myself out of my head and back into the “real world.” I spent about a year on antidepressants (Paxil/peroxitine), before deciding to cut myself off of them (much to the consternation of my doctor, whom I hadn’t consulted in this decision). The antidepressants worked wonders initially, but I disliked the side effects, which I described at the time as making “looking through my brain feel like trying to see without my glasses” -- they seemed to blur the edges and made me feel slightly stupid. Trying to write a simple essay for school seemed an impossible feat.

However, there was certainly something to the logic behind them, and that’s when I learned to think of my depression not as some dark romantic poetry, but as a simple imbalance of chemicals in my brain. I began to learn how to manipulate my chemistry through things like exercise (endorphins = new chemical to add to the mix), and through keeping a close eye on diet (sugar = impending crashes, caffeine (in moderation) = medicine). I also saw an acupuncturist on a couple occasions, and this worked a small wonder towards revamping my waning energy level, or my “chi” as they called it (aka “get-up-and-go”).

Then I learned to manage what was left through a lot of introspection and learning to understand my psychology (beyond my chemistry), and this I still do. I take note of things which consistently trip off the downward spiral (such as weekends with too much free time and no plans or structure, too much time alone, or allowing myself to become overly tired or hungry), and I make a point to structure my life so that I don’t run into those obstacles -- I keep a very busy life these days, so that free time is something I covet instead of fearing. Free days I structure around exercise -- I’ve learned that part of my depression comes from not having enough channels to release my abundance of mental and physical energy. So I’ve taken up taekwon do, and I avoid the after-work slump by going to my taekwon do classes every evening whether I’m in the mood or not (it’s amazing how difficult it is to feel depressed when you’re walloping the hell out of a bag). I identify things which I know will result in making me feel good (like friends who can make me laugh), and I keep these in the back of my mind as “medicine” to take if I should feel a tinge of depression coming on. I have learned that it’s much easier to manage it preventatively than it is to pull myself out of a pit of despair once I’m in there, so I try really hard to not let myself ever get there.

I remember a conversation I once had in college (which is when it was at its worst) – the guy I was talking to was several years older than me, and I remember talking to him about my depression and asking plaintively whether this would ever go away. And he told me: No. But you will learn to cope with it. And as you do, you will find yourself getting better and better at coping with it. And after a while, you won’t even remember that you’re “coping” anymore.

This is where I’m at now. I sometimes think that my depression is a thing of the past -- just a little melodramatic episode indulged by a less mature self -- but then I’ll relax my “structure” ever so slightly -- I’ll leave myself a long weekend with nothing to do -- and suddenly it will come swooping in with astonishing speed. My chemistry does not change, and yet, I rarely feel a victim to it anymore.

And now I am able to return to writing…which I love like an old friend.

I hope that some of this might be helpful to you – feel free to drop me an email if you want to talk further – though I also know that everyone’s depression is very personal, and what works for one person may not do anything for another. But the trick, I think, is to have faith in yourself and your own resilience and to KNOW that you will get past it -- and don’t, DO NOT allow yourself to get attached to it (this may sound absurd, but it is so true) – and, lastly, think in terms of moving forward through it, not backwards to a time you knew from before.

And of course, miserable beast that it is while you’re in it, you will know yourself so much more deeply once you’re through it. Having to battle with depression made me very much the person I am, and for that I can hardly hate it.

Can there be anything worse than the label "newbie"...

I ask you, as I sit here trembling in delight attempting to make my first (oh, I HOPE this isn't my only) entry to Blog Sisters. I am so tickled to be found worthy to be invited by Elaine to join you. In the few days since my discovery of your blog alliance I've found the entries here and at the Sister sites to be inciteful and more than a little intimidating.

Most of you seem to be professionals well into your careers. I admire and in many ways envy that. I, on the other hand, am a stay-at-home mom. Oh, don't get me wrong, I can already hear your statements, "there's nothing wrong with that, you are just as valid in your choices as the rest of us..." but (can you here that echo?) but, it's not choice that places me here. I worked for many years before I had my youngest son. I worked my way up the ranks in a small independent bank. I felt my career was well in hand (not one I really *wanted* but sometimes you settle, right?). Then an illness struck me that I've fought for the last 7 years.

Um, no, not the "C" word. Don't I wish it were that simple. (Don't get me wrong here, I know cancer is devistating, but at least there's something tangible you can find with an X-ray, MRI or other diagnostic tools) Depression took over my life, deflated my ego and has laid me out. It's part of why I joined Blogger in the first place. I needed a place I could share my emotions and frustration at this fleeting, intangible illness. I wanted to fight, to find the Linda I was when I was 25, the strong and vital woman I know is hiding in this cringing mass of fear and frustration.

The crazy thing is, and I use the term "crazy" rather loosely here :-D, my on-line life, Blogger and a couple of writers' groups I've joined, has helped me find a Linda that I didn't even know existed. She's still strong, maybe not as vital as she was 15 years ago, but she's working on it. But there's this love for putting my own words out there for others to look at (and hopefully admire :-), of which I didn't know I was capable. I'm still fighting to climb from this quagmire of self-doubt and self-despite. I remind myself daily that it's not me, it's what's going on in my brain, and I try to find the little victories every day (Yesterday the little one used the potty 3 times and remembered to poop in it once...now THAT is a victory around here :-D ).

I also add my attempt to reach out, and Elaine's subsequent invitation to join you, as a victory too! I hope that by being drawn into a community of woman like yourselves, I can look at each of you, the beauty each of you offer to the world, your ideas for dealing with the ugliness, and find that ability, that beauty in myself. I want to draw it out and show it like a precious jewel...

Oh my and ewww...sorry for spewing that bit of fluff there...but it is true. :-) I want to draw out all that is good in myself and share it as best I can in an adverse situation. Thank you again, Elaine, for the invitation {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs all my new Blog Sisters}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and thank you Jennifer for pointing the way here.

You Can't Have Love and Patriarchy.
I was going to post this here, but I'm hoping men will read if it's on my own blog.

Invasive species, genetic manipulation, "daughterlessness"

Here is an article from New Scientist that I came across last month. I find it upsetting on so many levels that I am unable to comment.

Indie Brides?

From NPR "Type-A "Bridezillas" often insist on the "perfect" white wedding, with flower petals and bridesmaids' hair colored the same shade. But some women are trying to thwart the wedding industrial complex with wedding potlucks and a dress from Goodwill. Now there's a cottage industry to accommodate the indie bride, replete with Web sites, books and even therapists." Listen to this quite interesting audio. If I get married, this is how it's going.

Helping Pregnant Girls Make it through High School

My dear Adam sent me this interesting article about a high school in Sydney that's making significant efforts toward aiding pregnant teenagers in finishing out high school. This is a really forward thinking idea, and I salute it. It's tough enough to make it through high school without a kid. Helping young mothers (rather than shaming them or ignoring them so that they drop out) benefits not only the girls, but the children who are dependent on them.

Who is she, really!
RageBoy confidante? Cabo Frio groupie? Proud Mama? Hot babe? E-writer extraordinaire? The ultimate Blog Sister? All of the above and more, of course, and you can find out all you ever wanted to know about Jeneane Sessum in her interview with Frank Paynter -- hot, hot, hot off the blogpress NOW!

It's time for some levity!
Martha's way#1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake.

Martha's way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the
dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #4: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
The Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. (Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes. )

Martha's way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women's Way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.

Martha's way #: 7
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine??????

Ventriloquism & Hemingway Heroes

Over the weekend Chris Locke (aka Rageboy) wrote to me that his sister refers to the tendency of women (most notably in business) to act like men as "ventriloquism," a concept found in Folklore studies.

A quick search turned up a paper on this subject by Galit Hasan-Rokem of The Hebrew University in Jerusalem. Hasan-Rokem discusses what she describes as "the garbed or even distorted voice of ventriloquism," in which "a ventriloquist looks as if she or he are quiet and the voice emerges from somewhere else, from somebody else's mouth, very often the mouth of an effigy." Questions arise in instances when ventriloquism is identified as preferable to the true articulation of voice, leading one to ask: Who causes the mouth of the owner of the voice to hide its own voice and to transpose the voice to another, false source? And why? Hasan-Rokem suggests that the answer to this question may be found in experiences with children, in which the authentic mouth is forbidden to utter its speech. Alternatively, it may be ashamed to speak, or have another tactical reason for hiding the source of speech, such as a contrived deception, or simply for play.

This explanation reminds me of so many of the early female voices of literature, which were masked behind the names of men, such as the Bronte sisters, publishing as Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell, and George Eliot, who was really one Mary Anne Evans. Now we are seeing the inverse in the form of the token female at the helm of business, smiling at us from the other side of the glass, but she may in fact be just a mask for what amounts to just another male voice. Much like Hemingway's scarce and notably unfeminine female heroes.

I recall my frustrated response to reading The Sun Also Rises in college -- I was infuriated at his female heroes far more than their male counterparts, namely in the case of Brett Ashley, because she was not in fact a woman at all -- rather she was a female ventriloquist masking a male voice and a male persona. And even more interesting and enraging was the fact that Brett featured not only as the odd heroine, but that Hemingway wrote her onto a pedestal, elevated higher even than Jake (our male protagonist and Brett's failed lover). As I recall, by the end of the story Brett is left standing alone as the one example of a "real man," after all of her male peers have shown themselves to be cowards or failures in some form. In Brett, the Hemingway voice finds not only his ideal human -- a man -- but a man in the bodily form of a woman, whom he could take as a lover and love as a lover, and yet respect as a man.

There is of course nothing wrong with the male voice -- nor is the so-called "male" voice necessarily strictly male, any more than the "female" voice is strictly female. In fact, quite often I find that I am able to express myself sometimes more articulately but no less genuinely through languages that I have picked up from my male peers, or a fusion of those languages and my own.

But I suspect there is a distinction somewhere which finds its source in the notion of "integrity," one definition of which is: the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness. The insult lies in the distortion of a form (a person, a role) into something that it, at its core, is not.

Of course, literature is symbolism, and symbolism tends toward the extremes of black and white to make itself understood -- not so in real life. My lone female CEO I'm sure is no Brett Ashley, but it may just be that the same societal influences that gave birth to Ernest Hemingway, thus in turn giving birth to Brett Ashley, have had a hand in shaping our modern day Hemingway Heroine-style female CEO.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Hope you popped over to Jeneane to wish her on her 29th (well, close!), 'coz she's going to be quite miffed if you haven't!

Here's something I made yesterday but had trouble uploading since Blogger was giving its usual share of problems.

Pass the cake and champagne around please :)

Birthday Reminder.

I found this site to help me remember Jeneane next year. Kinda fun.

Happy Day for Jeneane!

Let's hear it for Jeneane, the brilliant mind behind Blogsisters! Today is her 29th birthday (heheheh-- that's what my half-sister says when it's her birthday, anyway). Seriously, though, let's all wish her a good day, since she can't be with her hubby.

This is a piece I recently wrote for my own blog site, but I thought it might be of relevance here as well, for the sake of discussion, which I'd love to hear...

we are our own glass ceilings

I am coordinating a conference attended by MIT faculty and financial industry executives. Of 11 faculty and 14 senior executives, only one attendee is a woman. I am appalled that there is only one woman. And I am intrigued by her. In an industry so blatantly ceilinged in glass, who is she and how did she come to break through?

At lunch, I make a point to seat myself at her table. I watch her interactions, her mannerisms. I want to learn something from her; I want her approval.

My first impression is that she seems harder, overtly shrewder than her male peers. The old question: is this because she is, or because we are accustomed to women being gentler and warmer? I note that her gaze is not enveloping and her smile is not warm -- when offered, it is very obviously for effect.

I watch as she does a quick assessment, as introductions are made around the table, of who is important and who is not. I am mildly stunned when she stops short of me -- she does not bother to ask my name or my affiliation. Instead she zones in immediately on the Dean. She dominates the conversation.

However, I am not willing to accept my status of invisible simply because she has decreed it. I know the posture of confidence, and I have learned how to wear it well enough, along with my moderately expensive suit. I make eye contact around the table and join the conversation when I have something to say. The male faculty members acknowledge me, but she does not.

Her only acknowledgement of me throughout the entire meal is an off-handed remark about receptionists and their distaste for being asked to fetch coffee; at which point she looks at me and smiles. For effect.

I am livid.

I am far too professional to react. I smile back. For effect.

But I want to know in what way I communicated myself to be a receptionist. Just last week my boss, also a woman, was remarking on how interesting she finds it that the faculty here (yes, primarily male) speak to me so readily, as if I am a peer rather than a servant, and treat me with respect, as if I am worthy -- me being but a program administrator of junior status. This is surprising to her, and fairly unusual, she tells me, as well as commendable -- me being neither senior in rank nor male in gender. But it is not surprising to me, because when at work I pay a lot of attention to the way in which I present myself -- the ways in which poise, dress, and mannerisms communicate professionalism, status, and whether one expects respect or not. Of course these men respect me: I tell them to in no uncertain terms through an array of non-verbal communication cues.

So how is it then, that this woman dismisses me and my carefully articulated communication cues so quickly, and makes the assumption that I am merely a receptionist with little more on my mind than whether to be peeved should someone ask me for coffee? On what basis has she made this assumption?

If this woman had been a man, I would have thought her a sexist pig right out of the 1950s.

I do not really believe that glass ceilings block women simply because they are women. I believe that the sparse appearance of women at the top has much more to do with how women communicate themselves, the goals we set, where we place our priorities, and quite simply, how much we are prepared to ask for -- or demand. I believe that I can go as far as I like, achieve anything I put my mind to.

But this woman has taken a pretty hefty swing at this belief of mine. Is she an anomaly? Or are we, in this case, as always, our own gender's worst enemy?

Thank you, Fishrush!
A quick analysis described in great mathematical detail by Kent over at fishrush.com indicates Companies run by or employing women in key upper level positions appear to outperform other companies. The girls appear to win. Of course, he does hedge by using the word "appear," and he does stress that his data might not be completely accurate.

BUT, even though, as he admits, his data collecting and analysis is "quick and dirty", it's still impressive. So take a look at see for yourself. Check out the stats he collected that show that the girls can outrun the boys, or at least when it came to business stuff during the first 6 months of 2002, they appear to outperform. If anyone comes up with more information to shed light on this subject, we'd love to know.

Even with Kent's equivocation, we're lookin' goooooood!

Two Down, Eighty Or So To Go??

Frank Paynter, the new Mike Wallace/Barbara Walters of Blogland, strikes again. This was great fun, I highly recommend it. Elaine, you concur? I'm just wondering if he's going to ask about Mike Golby's "co-ed" days, or if he'll save that for the sistas.

Did you know...

...the US is one of the very few countries in the world that has not ratified The Women's Human Rights Treaty?
Amnesty has info.

Single in the USA

If you missed the first part of NPR's new Tuesday series called "Single in America" make sure you take the time to listen to it. Susan Stanberg explores why Americans are waiting longer to get married. According to the story, in our twenties we're finding ourselves instead of jumping head first into marriage. Also, men want their wives to be more independent. Anyway, this is a breathe of fresh air since I'm constantly being criticized for not being married.

What would you tell your (activist) kid?
I've been stumbling around this issue with my son (b!X) for years now, and I'm not sure what I think. It has to do with this question that he posted in a comment related to the rapemonger blogger getting kicked off Blogger. This is his question: Out of curiosity, do people here think that this numrod should be banned from the Internet entirely, or simply from Blogger? Should all blogging providers adopt use policies against such speech?

Truthfully, I don't know where the line should be drawn or if a line should be drawn at all when it comes to "free speech." Now, with Blogger, there's a policy about what kinds of materials are allowed, and since Blogger's a free service, Ev can make any rules he wants. But what about other sites? Should they be allowed -- under the guise of free speech -- to promote raping women? What would you tell your kid about whether or not some things on the internet should be censored? Even if you believe that porn falls under First Amendment protections, what about the kinds of stuff this guy was promoting?

Hee hee
Why stick people are extinct.

I prefer a littlle different spice
While I recognize and accept the cultural signficance of the rappings of Eminem and other males of his ilk, personally, I prefer a little more Salt 'n Pepa:

Now tell me, baby, how many hints must I make before you get the picture
That I like it when you talk to me? You say it loud what you say
Don't shy away, say it to my face, talk sweet to me
Go up and down and go round and do all that
But don't forget that I'm a sister with a thing for the sound
So make a sexy noise when you're on your way down
Yeah, all the way down

I guess I'm just an old '70s "make love not war" type.

Deconstructing Eminem--Comments Brought Up a Level

Ladies, I found the comments under the last Eminem post really interesting, so I'm putting them up into the flow here. They are as follows:

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From Eve:

Actually, much of Eminem's lyrics are just about exactly the same as Dr. Dre's, Snoop Dogg's, NWA's, etc., etc. If you look at it in a certain light, Eminem gets lots of flack because he's white. It's almost as if folks "expect" black rappers to be violent and misogynistic, but when a white rapper does it- god forbid. It could just be another form of racism.

The other part of Eminem is to understand the difference between reality and music. Sometimes it's a matter of art imitating life. But usually it's a way to vent. Or be controvertial. Some of what Eminem talks about is actually right on the money, and that pisses people off to no end.

"When a dude's getting bullied and shoots up his school and they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin... where were the parents at? And look where it's at- middle america now it's a tragedy, now it's so sad to see an upper class city having this happen..." (from "The Way I Am" off of The Marshall Mathers LP)

Most of the problems with all music is that folks miss the point completely and attack the things that make them uncomfortable.

I'm not fond of Eminem's personal life in any way, and I believe that his misogynism, if we are calling it that, is a reflection of a larger cultural misogynism and a general acceptance of violence against women.

I say this because we have too lenient policies on wife beaters and rapists. Women still make less money per hour than men, and are often put in a double bind when the choose to be mothers, not to be mothers, stay home with their children, or work full-time. Women are constantly having to keep guard of their constitutional equality with men- it is perpetually being jepardized by pro-life interests and fundamentalist Christians who wish to keep women subordinated to men at all costs.

Much of rap is a cultural commentary. A rather in-your-face cultural commentary at that. Eminem just happens to be the attack-point du jour.

And one more thing- Lynn Cheney is speaking on behalf of women? Isn't her clan involved in the cultural movement to keep women subordinated to men? So how does that make her better than Eminem?

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From Andrea

He may have extreme lyrics, but I think he's definitely not simply a dumb jerk who has hate-filled lyrics. There's a sly cleverness and a creepiness to '97 Bonnie and Clyde that goes beyond simple misogynist. For that alone I'll give him some credit.

Not fond of his music (if I'm gonna listen to rap/hip-hop, it'll probably be more upbeat stuff, the Fugees or Erykah Badu), but I think there's more behind his lyrics than the sensationlism and the mindless violent fans allow.

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Eric Raps on Rap

Eric Norlin's latest TDCRC gives some interesting insight into superstar rapper Eminem, born Marshall Mathers. Interesting to me was Eric's description of Eminem's purposeful personas (up to 3), and what he is trying to achieve in his music through their interplay. That the media has focused its attention only on one of those personas--the most abnoxious--is perhaps predictable, but also interesting. It's something I hadn't thought about before.

As Eminem goes, I wasn't quite aligned with Lynn Cheney (Dick's babe), who has labeled Eminem's music "the most extreme example of rock lyrics used to demean women, rock lyrics used to advocate violence against women." I was more in the, "Great, another white boy rapper getting over by pandering to the Kid Rock crowd" camp. Has Eminem gotten a bad rap as a debaser of women? Lover of violence? Lyrical imposter? I'm thinking maybe.

Given Eric's passion for Eminem, I'm going to give him real listen before I decide. That Eric compares Eminem to RageBoy, alone, makes this TDCRC worth the price of admission.

The rapemonger blogger is gone!
Just letting everyone now that the idiot on Blogger who was giving information on date rape drugs on his blog has been banished by Ev. Thanks to zarook.com for alerting us and thanks to all those who contact Ev and asked him to shut the guy down. See, we can make a difference.

Stay In The Game

On Thursdays, I play Scrabble with my 94-year old friend, Ruth. She and I were talking the other day about games. She's played games her whole life and when times are tough, she likes to get out the cribbage board, or dig up the Monopoly game or deal a nice hand of Hearts. She says a big part of life is just learning how to get through the hard times, the lonely times, the sad times -- you just have to learn to stay in the game.

She often asks me if I remember things that I couldn't have possibly lived through, but it's great to have her ask anyway. She told me about a dance she went to once which sounded like so much fun — in 1923 — I think I was there in spirit — I can do quite a knee-knocking Charleston. She asks me if I remember the 1918 Influenza epidemic. I tell her I have read about it. Her father died that year -- she was 10, a young girl in New Hampshire. "That's when I learned to be tough and just get through," she tells me. She talks about some of her favorite Scrabble players, now all dead, but she remembers all the special ways they had of playing — who could come up with the most amazing words, who could play fast as lightning to keep the pressure on their opponent, who always drew too many letters and kindof cheated a bit. She misses them. "I don't know how people get through life without playing games," she says.

This afternoon, Jackson, my 6-year-old son and I are learning new games. He's just starting Scrabble Junior. He's finally learning cribbage with me and leaving the little pegs in my cribbage board alone, instead of playing with them and losing them as he did when he was younger. We're playing an art game called Masterpiece. You buy famous paintings and the values are assigned to them randomly. He's mad he just bought a painting he loves — Edward Hopper's Nighthawks and the value card says "Forgery" which means it's not worth the $4,000,000 in phony money he had to pay. We have a Starbuck's mug with their version of the famous painting on it and he loves that mug. I ask him how the painting makes him feel. "It looks fun to stay up late at night," he says, "but the people look lonely."

Go To The Head Of The Class

I see Rageboy's working on his commencement speech for Eve Ensler's Institute of Vaginal Knowledge. He'll have the coeds rocking back and forth in their seats, oh yes. Those girls just love matriculating. But seriously ... in the rigorous academic environment of Rageboy's employer, the University of Blogaria, with their "publish or perish" tradition, this might just get him tenure and finally, the sabbatical he's been hoping for. Just think, he could spend a whole year in a cabin in the mountains, doing what he does best -- writing.

Join the Quilt
On this site you can submit a jpeg (basesd on their instructions for size etc.) that will be added to The [digital] Quilt of Phenomenal Women. I submitted one ages ago and forgot about it until I got their notification email today. Mine is in the last batch, which is the #63 batch. I want to encourage all Blog Sisters to send one in for yourself, since you all are so phenomenal. I think we should send in a separate one for BlogSisters. Should we have a contest to see who can design the coolest Blog Sisters digital quilt square? What say you? (Everyone who is in the quilt gets to put a logo on her site that says she is part of that project. I just put mine on mine.) Maybe the square can become our logo too? We don't have one, you know; we are using the blogsticker in place of one right now. Any thoughts?

Yes, Andrea, you don't need MoJo
(I'm double posting this because I think Andrea's post deserves a read by all BlogSisters.)
On Andrea's site a beautiful photo of her playing her beautiful acoustic guitar and not the MoJo JoJo special that she wanted so badly to win from Cartoon Network. (Sorry Andrea, I tried.)

Even more beautiful is her post on "forgiveness," triggered by AKMA's recent essays, and brought to home and heart by a very smart young woman who has shown before how wise she is beyond her years.

on our mothers' knees

Glace has an interesting post on the mixed messages of "enlightened" mothers, still chained to popularity and social proprieties. Rings true to me.