Sunday, January 30, 2005

My Blog, My Self

So, you might have noticed that there's been a change or two recently regarding the picture that's displayed in my blog's header.

A few weeks back, the blog was chugging along with the header graphic I chose on New Year's Day, a bit of commercial art from the forties named "Who me?". It's nice; I like it; it's just fine. Problem was that by the third week in January I was bored with it. I decided I'd change to something else for February. Hey yeah, that's it: I'll change the header picture every month. So, what should I put up for February?

First I went, as I often do, to a very cool site called World Wide Retro, which has mass quantities of clip art, pinups, pulp covers, vintage erotica, etc etc. Gacked an item or two, including this nifty cover of Flirt magazine from, oh I dunno, probably the forties, don't think it could be from later than the very early fifties. Look at it. It's gorgeous. Somebody painted a pinup of a very curvy redhead wearing a tight sweater, a skirt that seems to be falling off, nylons with very visible garters, and not much else. Except earmuffs, because it's cold, you see? It's February! It says so right in the top righthand corner. This also explains why Curvy Red is sitting on a radiator. Lastly, she's giving us that pouty, clueless, requisite pinup look. You can almost hear her saying:
Gee, I'm so cold! WhatEVER can I possibly DO to warm up?

Oh you mean like putting on long pants and a parka and some fur-lined boots?! Well, where's the fun in that? This is not serious art. It was never meant to last through all eternity. It's a little cheesecake for the cover of a magazine called "Flirt" , fer cryin out loud. I just love it. I think Curvy Red's a knockout.

Knowing, as you probably do by now if you've read my blog for any length of time, that I'm constantly honing what I laughably call "my skills" with Paintshop Pro and Photoshop and MS Paint, you won't be surprised to read that I altered Curvy Red's pic a little bit -- here's my paintshopped version -- and put it up as my new header picture. Woo hoo! I was very happy with the whole thing. For about a day.

I wish I could tell you that I received lots of feedback about the new pic from many of my regular readers. I actually do have some regular readers out there. You know who you are. The truth is that I didn't receive lots of feedback. To be precise, I didn't get any feedback at all. Well OK, you say. Everybody probably thought the picture was nice and went on with their lives. No big whoop. So what's the problem?

I'll tell you what's the problem. The problem's me. Every time I looked at my Curvy Red header picture I felt twinges of anxiety. What is my blog header picture saying about me? What am I saying about me? Am I saying that I look like Curvy Red? Am I saying that's me sitting on a radiator like a complete idiot in my suburban Minnesota home in February 2005, displaying a creamy expanse of thigh with the fuck-me-now garters and wearing the Little Annie Fanny expression?

[Jebus H Christ the Baron Krauss Von Espy! she exclaims, invoking Coen Brothers phraseology as she so often does in times of horror or astonishment, when no other filmmakers' dialogue is adequate.]

Oh come now, you say. People who read blogs are an intelligent, cosmopolitan group, fully capable of discerning multiple nuances of meaning in all aspects of life including blog graphics. People who can't, don't read blogs. Or, not my blog anyway. People like that are probably all Freepers, and therefore only allegedly people, so to hell with 'em.

Okay, but what about the fact that I chose the pinup picture because I like it? A minute ago I was saying that I think Curvy Red's gorgeous. A knockout. Is this a long-hidden lesbian persona of mine coming to the fore? Well, no. Because I don't have a lesbian persona, hidden or otherwise. Really. I'm just plain boring old hetero me. Nothing to see here, folks. I'm not the dyke you're looking for. Move along. Do you think it's impossible for a woman to find a female pinup attractive or appealing or just plain sexy and yet not have a homosexual orientation? If you do, please please PLEASE take my word for it: it's possible.

But if I did have a lesbian aspect would that be so bad? I have often thought about a photo I once saw of a woman marching in a gay pride parade somewhere. She carried a sign that said I AM NOT GAY BUT THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. Nice sentiment. Solidarity and all that. It's a message we all need to see -- that gays and straights can and do coexist in the world in friendship and love. But at the same time I looked on that woman as a coward. Well-intentioned, but still a coward. What if she just marched in the parade without her sign? What would happen then? Would some spectators think that she must be gay? Probably. And what would be so bad about that?
There's a true litmus test for us all.

Anyway, back to my discomfort with the Curvy Red pinup picture in my blog header. What to do? What to do?
A) I leave it there, because I'm a rational adult and even tho the picture is what it is, I know that I'm not a deliciously pneumatic tart sending out a come-hither message to guys and gals everywhere. To be exact, I am a 52-year old woman living and blogging in America in the year 2005. Some other words that describe me are: white; fat; and pretty much asexual.

Or B) I change the picture to something else; to an image that's safely in my comfort zone.

To see what I decided, go on over to Tild~ and take a look.

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