Wednesday, March 06, 2002

smoke freedom

Helen, I feel for you, right down to the leg cramps, headache, and bitter mood. I am a pro at quitting, and unfortunately quite adept at starting again too. Longest stretch--4 years. Stupidest reason for starting again--Jamaican vacation with much drunkeness. Age of first butt - 12. Age of last butt - 15 minutes ago.

It sucks, I hate it, I am so fed up with being unhealthy, I'm an ass, Stupid stupid stupid, what am I thinking? Shit. Stinking tobacco companies. Stinking me.

Right now I'm under the impression my family is trying to kill me with massive amounts of stress. I'm just helping them along with my little habit. Perhaps it was the family therapy session today, minus step-dad, where nothing was resolved and wounds were left open to ooze another three or four weeks? Do ya think? I had all but quit again right before that.

Suck ass, I'm going outside for another. More power to you Helen. I will be needing your advice soon, as I'm resolved to leave these fucknozzles behind me, even if I will miss and the distraction they provide for me.

The one thing I remember from my longest stretch without smoking is how nice it was to realize that I CAN do one thing at a time and be happy. I had never really done one thing at a time. I was always smoking and doing something else. It's nice to be able to be in the moment, which you can't be when you're wondering when you can sneak out for another.

oh hells bells.

I hope to see you on the other side.

j.