Blog Sisters

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: In 1946, Congress created the Board for Correction...

2012-01-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: In 1946, Congress created the Board for Correction...: In 1946, Congress created the Board for Correction of Naval Records as a means for Sailors and Marines to correct injustices in their milit...

Would They do this to Tebow?

2012-01-14T11:13:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Take a Stand for what is Right!: According to The White House : The US Navy created an Enlisted Retention Board (ERB) in response to military downsizing. ERB rev...

I'm Interviewed At Poets United

2012-01-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

I was honored to be interviewed as part of Poets United "Life of a Poet" series. It's fairly comprehensive and includes some fun photos and limericks. So if you'd like to know some of my deep, dark secrets, here it is. :)

Take a Flying Leap - Sky Zone Indoor Trampoline Park Atlanta - WEEE!

2011-12-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

I promise I WOULD have jumped on the 36,000 Square Feet of Tramponines at Atlanta's new Sky Zone indoor trampoline park, except I was terrified I'd jack up my knee right before Christmas. Either that or I'd never be able to heft myself out of the foam pit.

There were old people like us, say over the age of 30, or 40, (or more), who dared to leap and toss dodge balls or jump and dunk basketballs.

I did the next best thing to jumping and took a friend and four teens who went NUTS with the leaping. The best part? An hour of jumping tired the kids out so that they were ALMOST quiet on the way home.

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Welcome home Sailors of the "USS George HW Bush"!

2011-12-10T12:28:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Welcome home Sailors of the "USS George HW Bush"!: Today, nearly 6,000 members of the United States Navy who have been deployed on the USS George H W Bush for the past seven months have co...

Welcome Returning Sailors Home through Live Streaming Video

2011-12-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Saturday 10 November 2011 10 a.m. the USS George H...: Saturday 10 November 2011 10 a.m. the USS George H.W. Bush returns to homeport in Norfolk, VA. The Navy LiveStream Channel takes family and ...

Blogger is not a dirty word

2011-11-17T21:57:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Blogger is not a dirty word: After reading Captain Luther's message to "Families and Friends," comments were decidedly for or against one version of the truth. Fence rid...

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Veteran's Day 2011

2011-11-10T19:35:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Veteran's Day 2011: As noble as it can be to honor our fallen veterans, it's also honorable to protect and speak out for those who are actively serving our coun...

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Chamber Pots and the Space Age

2011-11-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

It's not a Sailor's Life for Me!: Chamber Pots and the Space Age: When the United States Navy was first formed, hundreds of years ago, sailors did not have space-age, vacuum toilets on their ships, but this...

there once was a time...

2011-07-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in a long time, although a decade ago, I had a strong presence on this blog. A decade ago, when Jeneane Sessum brought me in to help her get Blog Sisters rolling, there seemed to be so many societal and political issues that we couldn't wait to discuss. Just, for example, check out the posts on this blog in July of nine years ago, when we were really rolling.

Of course, blogging was relatively new then, and those of us women who jumped on that band wagon were usually ones of strong and well-versed opinion who, while we might be moms and wives, opted to share, in this blog and in our own, less of those parts or our lives and more of our more intellectually creative and adventuresome pursuits. We questioned; we challenged; we ranted.

How times have changed in so much of the blogosphere!

Except the same issues still exist to plaque us as women. Yet somehow our voices have quieted. Maybe, with Facebook and Twitter etc. etc., there's just too much noise out there with which to compete.

But the same issues still exist, and I am motivated here to share a situation and discussion going on in several blogs and even on youtube.

Beause I'm a feminist and a humanist, because I still, on occasion, rant, I invite you to start here and link backward to discover what young feminist, humanist, atheist, and skeptic Rebecca Watson has stirred up among those who still think deep, blog wide, and rant fearlessly.

We used to be thinkers here on Blog Sisters -- thinkers and critics and fearless ranters. What happened?

Jak is a rockstar - here's the proof!

2011-03-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

Jak's first EVER "concert" - not bad after four lessons!!

they are growing up too fast!! and Jak is a rockstar!

2011-03-10T07:50:00.001-08:00

Here are the three terrors at the Natural history museum in Oxford during February half term.

India is trying to outscream the dinosaurs!!

India won....

and Jak gave his first ever guitar performance two days ago!!!

What to tell your kid about dying, when you don't believe in heaven.

2011-02-26T13:08:00.000-08:00

(cross-posted at Kalilily Time)

Your eight-year old can't go to sleep because he's crying so hard. He's crying so hard because, he says, he doesn't want to ever die and he doesn't want anyone he knows to ever die because he doesn't want to be alone.

You don't really believe in "God," and don't believe in heaven. You're not religious, and the Golden Rule is about the closest you come to embracing any doctrine, although you try to pass along a moral and ethical code that you hope he understands and continues to live by.

But what about "after?" What about after this life? What do you tell your eight-year old that will calm his fears without outright lying?

What you do is write a book that explains who and what we are in a way that will address his fears yet still be in the realm of what might actually and scientifically happen. ( After all, Carl Sagan thought so.)

And you call this book Spark.

Go over online and read through Spark -- and see if it's the answer you're looking for.

The History of the Universe as Told by Wonderwoman

2011-02-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

The production of an independent film, titled above, depends on the filmmakers raising $10,000 by the end of the month. As a Wonder Woman fan since 1957, I'm looking forward to seeing this film, and I even donated. You can too.

This is how the filmmakers describe their project:

The goal of the film is to explore how female heroes have fared in popular culture. We're using Wonder Woman as the central figure in this story, as she's the rare example of a female hero who doesn't require rescue and determines her own actions and adventures. The film not only serves as an inquiry into our evolving values about women as agents of strength, authority and leadership, but also reminds us of our common need -- no matter our gender, race, class or sexual orientation -- for stories that tell us we can all be heroes.

You can donate as little as a dollar or as much as you want. $35 or more gets you a free signed DVD of the completed movie. Watch the trailer. You'll be hooked.

Gave Blog Sisters a Little Facelift...

2011-01-31T21:33:00.000-08:00

Seemed since I was "dehoarding" my house this past month (should be done in about ten more months), it would be a good time to stop by and do some template refreshing to take advantage of Blogger's new template designs.

I've been reading some great stuff - keep up the great writing and sharing with the nearly 250 other women bloggers who call this place a home away from home, or sometimes getaway.

Corsica is gorgeous!

2010-11-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Especially in October!!

Operatic Verse

2010-05-03T15:24:00.001-07:00

If you enjoy writing (or reading) limericks, you might have a good time with my latest Limerick-Off.

Political April Fools' Day

2010-03-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

April Fools' Day is coming up on April 1st, and you'll want to be prepared. After all, you don't want to fall victim to any political practical jokes. My Political April Fools Day limerick should help.

Addled Threats

2010-03-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

Now that health reform has passed, are you all intimidated by Republican threats to do stuff they've been doing all along? (There's a limerick, of course.)

Snow in Austin...really!

2010-03-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

Plumpest snow globs I've ever seen this far south. It was rather surreal. A bit like the 3" long rocket-shaped hail last winter. Extreme weather is thrilling. Scary. And it's going to get more extreme. Been through Missouri tornadoes, hurricanes, wildfires and earthquakes, desert floods, Austin floods, blizzards, mudslides, El Nino, La Nina, droughts, and forest fires. There's a wild joy in nature busting loose, even when there is real danger. Somehow the primordial elements seem more in the order of things, rather than say, a car wreck.

(Austin, TX, February 2010)

Notice how green it is, even though it's snowing. Reminds me of a March--gee, 17 years ago--when I flew to Austin from NJ to attend Paul B's last party. We had been through 23 separate snow storms since New Year's Eve, with ice still on all but the major highways. As the plane dropped into the old Mueller airport, something felt off-kilter. Once we dropped below the clouds, it was emerald green as far as the eye could see. There wasn't a sprig of green in Jersey. A lush 18 inch thick carpet of grass stunned my snow-accustomed eyes. Bluebonnets hadn't yet bloomed, but it was obviously going to be a bumper year. Much like this spring will be.

After years of relentless sunshine, heat and cold, withered plants and panting trees, Austin is a different animal this winter, metamorphosed by rain. Only in Texas skies can the color gray be described as vibrant. Light lends a different character to colors under the lowering clouds, intensifying and showcasing the metamorphosed earth. Moss covers live oaks like a coat of paint, contrasting with the wet, velvet black bark. Rainbows shimmer in the humid air. Gray glows argent, like burnished silver jewelry. Neighborhood cats, thick coats sprinkled with fairy dust, perfect muddy footprints trailing up and over my white car. A bird flutes a surprised, subdued query to unaccustomed early morning rain.

Grackle flurries restlessly prowl in the twilight, one eye on the dumpsters outside the eateries close to the river, one leg on trees perilously bending under the weight of tens of thousands of the buggers, moving like black schools of fish, pulled apart and collapsing together again like taffy, yet somehow averting mid-air collisions and managing not to knock a neighbor off a perch.

New buildings loom over downtown like giant, shiny tinker-toys. Or maybe metallic mushrooms. The currently tallest one looks suspiciously like a flash drive standing on end. Folks coming to SX won't believe how the skyline has changed in just one year. There's something vaguely nauseating about how much building is going on, when news from other towns describes a completely different story. Where is all the money coming from? Who will populate the buildings? Will they fill as quickly as they went up? Will it be a repeat of the 80's, when the original "skyscrapers" went up, only to stand empty and forlorn for who knows how long?

Changes abound. Weddings and births, changes in circumstances. Can't control the weather, really can't control anyone but your own self. Wish life came with seatbelts. I'm gonna enjoy the ride anyway.

Obama, Keep Your Progressive Promises, Instead of Making Voltairian Excuses

2010-02-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

I’m getting really tired of this line: “America can’t afford to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

Obama repeatedly uses this Voltaire quote paraphrase as an excuse for breaking promises he made to progressives.

And that's why I wrote this double limerick: Dear Obama, Enough With The Voltaire!

Women in Tech

2010-02-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

As a female owner of a technology company, I have come to see first hand how the perceptions men and women alike hold about the role of women in the technology sphere have yet to evolve. Within the last few years, women have been shown to fill less than 30% of all IT positions here in the US. Not only that, but this percentage has been declining.

Women as well as men hold beliefs about technological skill that is based on gender that make it less likely for women to be chosen as service providers. There is a perception that a male technology consultant is likely to know things one doesn't know in-house, while the expertise of a female is considered to be something one should know in-house. People are less likely to have a perception that a woman has something to teach them about technology. This is particularly true of men, but women also hold such beliefs.

At the same time, fewer girls are deciding to pursue tech related career paths. This makes it less likely that men working in tech fields will be educated on the abilities of women in the field by exposure during their early educational experiences. They are therefore even less likely to view women as competent peers later in their careers.

There are a number of groups that have formed over the years to address these issues. Such groups support members' career success by offering networking opportunities, sharing information, and advocating for public policies that encourage the math and science education of girls and young women around the world. (Check out www.witi.com and www.womentechworld.org for starters).

Personally, consider making a commitment to advocating for the selection of female vendors whenever possible. My company, AspiraTech, which offers SalesForce Training and Implementation services, has benefited from the strong advocacy of both men and women at client companies who have pushed for greater utilization of our services and written positive reviews of the services we've provided on public sites. Consider the various ways you can support the success of women in technology, even if you are not yourself a business owner. If you are a business owner, evaluate how many of your company's vendors are women. Do you believe women have as much to offer the world of business as men and that we can become just as expert in solving business problems using technology? If you do, then align your decision making with your beliefs and put more women to work in the tech sphere.

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!

2010-01-20T14:29:00.000-08:00

I’m as big a web addict as the next woman. But do we really need Internet-enabled dashboards in our cars? I answer that hi-tech question in my latest limerick.

An Up Side To Martha Coakley's Senate Loss?

2010-01-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

It wasn't easy, but I finally found an up side to the disastrous Senate election in Massachusetts. Hint: It has something to do with Joe Lieberman. And needless to say, I wrote a limerick about it.

All the Love You Could Have Given

2009-12-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

I've had that line from a Kate Bush song running through my head the last few days. It just pops up out of nowhere, sometimes when I'm meditating, other times when I'm just going about daily chores. Any time my mind comes to rest, it seems to want to remind me, "Are you giving all you could give? Are you fully using the opportunity of this day of life?"

Generally when I have songs I can't get out of my head I find it really irritating. In this case, I'm grateful for it, because too frequently I find the answer is "no" and realize I need to make an adjustment. I suppose it would be irritating if I found it difficult to make such adjustments, but fortunately I do not. In fact, having set my intention to truly take full advantage of the opportunity daily life presents to give love to others, I find more and more opportunities seem to be presenting themselves. I'm sure it is just that I'm noticing more, but either way, I am finding I am experiencing more beautiful moments in which I am able to touch someone's heart and support them in a loving way.

I've found so much joy in remembering this simple guiding principle, "Give all the love you can give each day," that I thought to share it with you. I hope you find it as useful a reminder as I do. It is so easy to forget the point of life. So easy to get lost in the striving for what we want, the desire to be entertained, or the warding off of what we do not want, that we easily forget that we always have the power to direct love outward to others, as well as savoring the love we feel for ourselves.

I hope you will take this inspiration to pause for a moment and truly sink into a feeling of love for yourself, and that in your next interaction with anyone you decide to direct that love outward with an openness towards them and genuine desire to contribute to their feeling good about themselves.

Everyone is an artist. Our works of art are our lives as we live them. Yet too many people die with their artistry unacknowledged, both by themselves and by others. Each time you help someone to appreciate the artistry of who they are, you help them to love themselves, and make more and more beauty out of the art of you. This is an invitation to become a connoisseur, but not a snobby one. Would you choose a world filled with people who are all loved and appreciated for their unique prism's reflection of the Divine light that shines through all things? If you would, then in each day, be alert and open to perceiving that beauty and artistry in anyone you encounter. Love them. Appreciate them. And someday die knowing you have given all the love you could have given.

Check out this great MSN Video: World's most dangerous volcano reborn

2009-12-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

Check out this great MSN Video: World's most dangerous volcano reborn

Krakatoa, it appears, is going public again.

Uplifting Music - Remember Who You Are

2009-09-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

I would like to share with you some of the lyrics of Shimshai, a World Fusion musician who weaves together the wisdom and sounds of many world traditions. Ever hear a song with Hebrew, spanish, Sanskrit and reggae flowing as one? It is an experience worth having, and also a message worth hearing.

"You are forever pure.
You are forever true
and the dream of this world
can never touch you.
So give up your attachment
and give up your confusion
and fly to that space that's beyond
all illusion."

~ Shimshai from the song "Suddhosi Buddhosi" off the album "Live on Maui"

"Pure, pure like the water,
let it run forever more,
to be clean, clean as the waves
come crashing to the shore.
It leaves me
smooth, smooth as a pebble,
polished in the depth of love
carried by the winds of grace
on the wings of a dove.
...
Arise and awake from your slumber
Kindle ancient flame
as witness to the waves of what's to change
though the essence remains the same."

~ Shimshai from the song "Pure" off the album "Deliverance"

If you like his message, you can read more about this beautiful music and what its message can mean in your life in the longer article I wrote on my blog today called Singing for your Freedom. Also find links to where you can listen to the songs or purchase downloads of them. Enjoy, and may you see the Truth in yourself, and find it again reflected back to you within every face you see.

VIDEO: Why Did They Cheat?

2009-09-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddesses,

Tina Tobin's Luv Em Or Leave Em Question this week - Why do people cheat?

Of course we know that there are different kinds of cheating ranging from emotional to sexual affairs, and there are probably as many answers to this question as there are cheaters. Watch!

Abiola of PlanetAbiola.com...

Nando of Nandoism.com...

Tina Tobin of LuvEmOrLeaveEm.com...

Mwah!

What do you think?

Friend me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy my novel DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you~ despite the haters!

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

VIDEO: My Fun Vistoso Bosses Interview!

2009-09-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's never crowded along the extra mile. The proof? The fun, motivational new girl group from Atlanta called The Vistoso Bosses. Recently, Mr. ColliPark of ColliPark Music sent them up to New York City to hang out with me and have an exclusive interview with The Planet Abiola Show.

WATCH & Support Them!

I LOVE sharing new artists. Didn't they remind you of another girl group from ATL back in the days? Yup, TLC!

What do you say?

Mwah! Share your inspiration.

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

Alpha-Political Verse 2009

2009-08-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period’s zany and significant political moments, with links to my related satire.

Although Barack Obama’s administration is still relatively new, there’s already plenty of material for another piece of alpha-political poetry:

"A is for Alaska with its lovely Russian view.

B is for the Birthers who will rant and rave on cue.

C is for conservatives co-opted by the loons.

D is for each Democrat who caves and often swoons. ..."

(Alpha-Political Verse 2009 continues here.)

VIDEO: My Inspirational Convo With Malik Yoba

2009-08-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddesses,

Let's have a Motivated Monday!

My personal intention for today is to try looking for the BEST not the worst. Sometimes I succeed and other times FAIL miserably, but it's usually FUN! I know that sometimes it's a daily battle for us with some people always trying to share their negativity.

That's why it was especially refreshing to have this conversation in Brooklyn, New York with Malik Yoba, the actor best known from 90's cop drama New York Undercover.

Don't you love it that America is a country that salutes the second act? Whether you decide to do one thing for your first act and become a star for your second act like Bea Arthur or Morgan Freeman who didn't become stars until after 50, or you decide to diversify like Malik Yoba who is now a playwright as well as musician, this is possible.

Watch!

What do you say?

Mwah! Share your inspiration.

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

VIDEO: What If You Suspect Your Man Is Gay?!

2009-08-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddesses,

What do you do if you suspect your man is gay??

Abiola of PlanetAbiola.com says...

Nando of Nandoism.com says...

Tina Tobin of LuvEmOrLeaveEm.com says...

What do you say?

Mwah! You’re still fabulous.

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

VIDEO: You Broke Up! Now What?

2009-08-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddess,

I love this~ every week Tina Tobin at LuvEmOrLeaveEm.com assigns us an advice question so that YOU can learn from my, um, I mean our mistakes!! LOL

This week, HOW TO HANDLE A BREAK UP!!

Abiola of PlanetAbiola.com says...

Nando of Nandoism.com says...

Tina of LuvEmOrLeaveEm.com says...

Mwah! You're still fabulous.

Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy my novel DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you~ despite the haters!

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

VIDEO: Michael Jackson Doctor on YouTube

2009-08-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson's Cardiologist, Dr. Conrad Murray

Shout back! Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy my novel DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you!

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

Music Monday: Ledisi!

2009-08-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

Singer Ledisi wanted to make a few bold artistic changes this time out. But just before she started work on her sophomore release, Turn Me Loose, she hit a wall. The singer-songwriter had a bad case of writer's block that stretched for six months. Ledisi was petrified as she tried to figure out how to follow up her debut, Lost & Found. The album garnered strong reviews and two Grammy nominations.

NOW: 'Turn Me Loose' - Available Everywhere August 18th!
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/ledisi

Fans in the NYC or DC area have a chance to attend an exclusive Ledisi album release event!

For NYC Residents: Be one of the lucky few to celebrate the release of Ledisi’s new album 'Turn Me Loose' with her in NYC at (Le) Poisson Rouge! The event will include Ledisi performing songs from her new album and an album signing! Here’s how you can get in: purchase the album at J&R on August 18th and receive a wristband (one per album while supplies last), listen to WBLS and text to win, or visit the Carol’s Daughter stores in Harlem or Brooklyn for a chance to win.**Entry to the event is only available to those with wristbands.

For DC Residents: Ledisi and her band will perform selections from her new album 'Turn Me Loose' at National Harbor just outside of Washington, D.C. on release day, August 18th at 7pm! And it's a FREE SHOW! Purchase a copy of the album from Kemp Mill, who will be on site, and have it signed by Ledisi. For more information, visit the site: www.nationalharbor.com

And don't forget to visit 'Turn Me Loose' Online Countdown Website, where each week you can preview two new tracks off the album. This week, listen to "The Answer to Why"!

Check out Ledisi performing Today in the "My Black is Beautiful" Superlounge at Essence Festival 2009:

How are you? Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy my novel DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you!

Velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,

Abiola

VIDEO: Tribute To Gorgeous Natural Hair

2009-08-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

Hello Goddesses!

I see you shining over there... Every day I send out an inspirational "Goddess XO" on Twitter and PlanetAbiola this morning it was: "Stars SHINE in their own light. Its not necessary to blow out other lights to let yours shine. SHINE, baby!"

How exciting it was to see Solange Knowles jump off the weave train that most others-- including ME - are usually on. Fabulous! And thank you to AmaryllisTV for creating this GORGEOUS VIDEO TRIBUTE to natural Afrocentric hair. Let's celebrate our beauty in all of its forms. Watch!

Tribute: Natural Hair Beauty!

AND WATCH "Ugly/Beautiful:"

My Discussion About Plastic Beauty with Actor Michael Beach

How are you? Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy my novel DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you!

XO,

Abiola

How To Live Your Dreams: from Abiola, BP & HP

2009-08-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddesses,

When I LOVE something I SCREAM it from the rooftops! I was blabbing on my all of my pages about my HP Mini 1035 Netbook computer, how it fit into my cute vintage clutch and my life as a TV HOST & WEB PERSONALITY, AUTHOR, and ART FILMMAKER & eureka-- the HP people reached out to me to SHARE this genuine love with you!

BONUS! LEAVE A POSITIVE COMMENT, you'll be the first in line for upcoming deals and contests. AND you can upload your own video like mine.

MY RULES ON LIVING YOUR DREAMS

1) BELIEF and HOPE are not the same thing. Many of you call me or hit me up on BP, on my site, twitter, youtube, facebook, flickr, tumblr and myspace asking how to live your dreams -- how to write YOUR own BOOKS, shoot YOUR own FILMS and create TV. Question: Are you hoping or believing? Think about it. BELIEVE with your language & your actions.

2) GRATITUDE. I've met many wonderful new fans from playing Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love BUT many of you, MY BP FAM were RISING with me while I was hosting BET's The Best Short Films for 2 years, reading my novel DARE, and YOU have made my online show PLANET ABIOLA a huge success. BECAUSE OF YOU the VH1 producers & Drew Barrymore found me! Because of YOU, Busta Rhymes, Young Lloyd, Ashanti, Patti Labelle, Eric Benet, Blitz and LL Cool J call Planet Abiola when they have a new project. Thank you! I'm just getting started, but I am grateful. Wherever YOU with your goals right now, be GRATEFUL.

3) MENTORSHIP. Hundreds of great people have asked me to mentor them and I can't -- otherwise I would never get my books and shows done. I tell them to USE ME though. Your mentors don't have to know that they are your mentors. Read their books, watch their work, interact with them online, subscribe to everything they have -- study them!! TAKE the knowledge you need to succeed. If you're an aspiring lawyer, find a mentor & STUDY them.

4) RISK. Don't fear NEW things. USE TECHNOLOGY! When new sites and tools come out that may be relevant to my business I LEARN by doing. I take my HP Mini everywhere because my readers, viewers, online communities and fan base are important. I use my netbook daily to send out my "Today's Goddess XO" inspirational tweet, I lifestream & photo journal, blog on my Amazon Author Page, record video diaries, test new characters, review episodes of The Planet Abiola Show & my SayNow messages. Jump in! Be about it-- not just talk about it.

5) POSITIVITY. Are you somebody that passes your negativity on to others? Sometimes I read so many nasty comments online it makes my stomach hurt. You beef and gripe then on positive posts you say nothing. Be conscious of what YOU are giving off. There are only two true emotions: Love and Fear. Which one are you sharing? Speak also to yourself with love. We may not always succeed, but we dust ourselves off, try again and get better.

6) CREATE. DIY. Do for self. If you want to write a book, don't wait for permission. WRITE-- for 15 minutes every day. If you want to create TV or film -- GO FOR IT. With a computer & a phone that has a camera you can create anything. Don't have a video camera? Get creative with stills. Although I had a book deal with Simon and Schuster I used my blackplanet page to sell 10,000 books! I want a RADIO SHOW so I PODCAST. Even though I have hosted shows like The Buzz for HBO, Source Hip Hop News for NBC or The Best Shorts on BET, I created MY OWN web show. The Planet Abiola Show will be on TV soon BUT I will ALWAYS be on the web with you & DOING for SELF!

7) HAVE FUN & SEEK JOY. My life is FUN and my WORK is FUN! Not every day in every area, of course, but I am always REACHING for JOY. Like you, I'm a HUGE work in progress. My main goal is to be better than I was yesterday. In my proudest moment I was on book tour for my novel DARE as a result of my online marketing. A few screaming fans came running up and I assumed they knew me from TV but they knew me from watching The Planet Abiola Show and having fun on my blackplanet page and website.

8) COMMUNITY. This is the second year that I've had a relationship with blackplanet. THANK YOU if you are one of my almost 500,000 friends at www.blackplanet.com/planetabiola and blackplanet.com/abiola_abrams. My blackplanet friends are people who use their brains, use the web, do research, know that everything they see on TV is just entertainment and create truth for themselves.

9) SHARE. Using pop culture to empower and entertain in unexpected ways has always been my mission. MY MOTTO is if you don’t like who’s representing you, REPRESENT YOURSELF. It's not easy sharing my life, loves and fears in books or on "reality TV." It's a RISK but it's my job to represent myself and those like me. NOW I am excited to see what YOU create. I know how much TALENT you have. You came to the PLANET with a PURPOSE...

10) RISE AND SHINE ON. Of course there are HATERS in any community who have loud voices, but I love that the beautiful people here ALWAYS shine through! I see you shining. MY MAIN RULE: BE a Shameless Self-Promoter, like moi! lol. BE your FUN, WEIRD, QUIRKY, INDIVIDUAL self and give the rest something to talk about!!

Let's do this together.

Sending You Velvet Cupcakes & Tiara Kisses,

Abiola

P.S. HERE'S MY PRIVATE COUPON. Everything HP that you need to rule your company, your school or your dreams. CLICK HERE: http://shar.es/OmcH . And upload your video HERE: http://www.blackplanet.com/howfarcanyougo/

MY BEHIND-THE-SCENES HP DIARY

VIDEO: I'm Not Who You Think I Am!

2009-08-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddess,

Motivational Monday!

Here's the positive energy you need to get your week going.

Here's my sister, artist Damali Abrams: "I'm Not Who Think I Am, I'm Not Who You Want Me To Be..."

How are you? Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you- despite the haters!

XO

Abiola

VIDEO: Let's Go On A Green Fashion Shopping Spree!

2009-08-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

Who says fashion can't be good for us? This was fun. Watch!

How are you? Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you- despite the haters!

XO

Abiola

VIDEOS: How to Break Up 101

2009-08-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

Hey Goddesses,

And now... Presenting The Vlogger Tag Team from Tina Tobin's Luv Em or Leave Em on HOW TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEBODY, 101.

Pick the advice that works for you, and if it doesn't, move on to the next one...

ABIOLA, author of DARE, TV Host from PlanetAbiola.com.

TINA TOBIN, official advice maven, of LuvEmOrLEaveEm.com

NANDO, writer from Nandoism.com.

SARAH MALDANADO of NoRicksAllowed.com.

MARYANN REID, author, Alphanista...

-------------

How are you? Hit me up @abiolatv on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com. Buy DARE by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Have a great day being you- despite the haters!

XO

Abiola

Has Stephon Marbury Lost It?

2009-08-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's a fab new week!

As you may or may not know, Stephon Marbury has been livestreaming himself 24-7 on Ustream & Justin.TV through singing, dancing, screaming and crying jags, sleeping and sleep deprivation, fasting, eating Vaseline, and the like. Some are saying that he's on drugs; Others are proposing that he may be in the mania stage of bipolar disorder. Some say he's just having fun? What do you think?

There's a similar situation that I include in one of my books, my debut novel DARE, because I don't feel like we discuss our mental health enough. We cry, we hurt, we're human. The NBA when contacted for comment said that Stephon Marbury is an adult who can do as he pleases. There seem to be friends with Marbury in every shot. If he is having a breakdown and we are all witnessing it, are others liable for not truly having his back?

MARBURY, WHY HE'S STREAMING

MARBURY CRYING (AS WE ALL HAVE)

STEPHON'S PREROGATIVE, SHAKING IT OFF

Hey! I am a "reality" TV alum so I can't judge folks letting it all hang out. If he needs help, I just would like one of those people in the video with him to get him treatment. As for me, I am enjoying writing in the summertime and had fun this weekend emceeing Blitz the Ambassador's NYC album release show. How are you? Hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, blackplanet, or PlanetAbiola.com.

Have a great day being you- despite the haters!

XO

Abiola

NEW VIDEO: Chris Brown Apologizes for Apology Shirt

2009-07-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Friday! Let's release some tension after a stressful week. We've made it clear we NEVER condone relationship violence. Whether you believe that Chris Brown's apology to his fans and Rihanna was genuine is up to you; but for now we bring you Chris Brown's SHIRT!

CHRIS BROWN'S OFFICIAL SHIRT APOLOGY

xo,

Abiola

Official Site: www.planetAbiola.com

Twitter: www.twitter.com/abiolatv

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abiolatv

Youtube: www.youtube.com/planetabiola

Blackplanet: www.blackplanet.com/planetabiola

Biracial Not Black, Dammit!

2009-07-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

I'm Biracial Not Black, Dammit is the name of a thought-provoking new documentary from filmmaker Carolyn Battle Cochrane. You can find more info about the doc here. Watch the video clip and share your thoughts. Leave a comment or hit me up @AbiolaTV on twitter, PlanetAbiola.com, blackplanet or flickr.

How do you classify Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, Faith Evans, Mariah Carey and Kelis -- if at all? And your president? Is there anyone whose family isn't mixed race? Is it time to move beyond racial classifications? Do you care how other people choose to define themselves?

WATCH...

VIDEO. Meet MADCON: Norwegian Hip Hop Duo

2009-07-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

You claim you want good music. You claim you're tired of the corporate radio B.S. You claim that you're tired of the degrading music videos and misogynistic lyrics. I got your back but you've gotta work with me. Damn! I am trying to introduce you to next level artists but now I need you to do the right thing and support their music. Okay? *Smiles.*

Meet MADCON. Two Norwegian brothers with roots in Africa spitting fiyyyyahhh, funk and fun on the mic. Please check out my Planet Abiola Show interview with them below. And ALSO watch my recent interviews with up and coming artists Blitz the Ambassador, LMFAO, Anthony David-- and fine, watch my Busta Rhymes episode too. ;-) Enjoy-- and hit me up on Twitter, Flickr and PlanetAbiola.com!

It's Music Monday, y'all...

Blitz the Ambassador Interview: Ghana's Son

2009-07-19T21:55:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

You say you want quality music with conscious lyrics? Well here it is.

Enjoy Music Monday with my exclusive new interview with Ghanian rapper Blitz the Ambassador. Catch the MTV premiere this summer of his new album STEREOTYPE!!! Nas, Kanye West, Talib Kweli and Common agree that Blitz the Ambassador is the next big thing in hip hop music's evolution. Watch the interview & discuss here, youtube, my blackplanet page, on twitter or PlanetAbiola.

xo,

a.

VIDEO: Hottest MAC Makeup

2009-07-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

Hey Loves,

When it's hot, we want to look cool. Check out my MAC Style Warriors makeup haul VIDEO. This was so much fun. Enjoy! Then hit me up. Let's discuss on twitter, youtube, blackplanet, and PlanetAbiola.com.

xo,

Abiola

LMFAO & Abiola: Fun New Interview

2009-07-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

This was so much fun! When Will.I.Am asks you to interview his hot new electro hip-hop group, you answer! Presenting LMFAO...
Check out my Planet Abiola Tough Love interview with LMFAO here, then leave a comment or hit me up on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, or PlanetAbiola.com:

Check out my Planet Abiola Tough Love interview with Will.I.Am's LMFAO here, then leave a comment or hit me up on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, or PlanetAbiola.com.

Why Marriage?

2009-07-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

Every week relationship expert and Advice Maven Tina Tobin of LuvEmOrLeaveEm.com has a different love or sex related question to explore. Last week's question was "Is Cyber Sex Cheating?"

This week the question Tina posed is "Why Marriage?" as in "Is Marriage Played Out?"

In Hollywood and EveryHood people seem to be splitting up faster than people are getting together so this is right on time! Why marriage? We had heated discussions on My Site, Twitter, Facebook, And Youtube. So first, advice from Tina Tobin, and then your girl, moi.

This was fun. As "Miss Picky" from Tough Love on VH1 I can tell you exactly how NOT to be married! lol. What qualifies me to share thoughts and advice? My starter marriage of course, and my (formerly) atrocious choices in men! Oh-- and my writings on my misadventures in love, sex, and dating like my debut novel Dare. Enjoy.

TINA TOBIN ON MARRIAGE:

ABIOLA ON MARRIAGE:

Can Men Be Monogamous?

2009-06-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Sexy Temptation Tuesday...

Manville is the recurring segment on The Planet Abiola Show where I hang with my boys and try to be quiet long enough to hear what men really think! It's all in fun but we get to have a real conversation somewhere in there too. On this episode we talk about men, women, love, sex, dating and monogamy.

Of course, anyone can be monogamous who wants to be monogamous. Be honest in your relationships and most of all be safe when playing with the hearts and bodies of other people-and yourself.
Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT, and call me with your hot, sexy topics for future episodes on the hotline (917) 267-2607.

Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird selves & give the haters something to talk about!

Check out this gallery of Jay-Z and Beyonce, then decide for yourself if Jigga really is still up to his cheating ways:

--
Thanks for hanging with your girl, Abiola Abrams, "Miss Picky" on VH1's Tough Love, the author of Dare, the host of The Planet Abiola Show online, and the former host of BET's The Best Short Films. Follow me on Twitter and PlanetAbiola.com. Can't wait to meet you! Join me to Party With a Purpose in NYC on June 25th.

How To Be A Sister CEO

2009-06-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

On Thursday June 25th if you're in NYC come party with me at Greenhouse. I am having a fun and fab Party With A Purpose to kick off the Breast Cancer Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure with my VH1 Tough Love sisters NATASHA Malinsky aka Miss Guided and ARIAN Mayer AKA Miss Party Girl. It should be tons of fun with a free martini hour, and Greenhouse is one of the hottest clubs in the City. Get the details and buy tickets HERE. And I will also have some Anti-Cancer Goodies here on the blog for you in the next week.

Cancer has affected my family in a profound way. African American and Latin women are less likely to get the diagnoses and treatments needed so I am pleased to be a part of the cause. The CEO of Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation in NYC is Dara Richardson-Heron, MD. Her Walk for the Cure is Sunday, September 13th in Central Park. Grab some friends, some cute Pasty sneakers, and join us!

The foundation is facing budget cuts like everyone else but Dr. Richardson-Heron has a positive take on it:

"I love this job! When you’re passionate about eradicating breast cancer, fortunate to be in a leadership position that is “tailor-made” for you, work with the most hardworking, dedicated and passionate staff, Board of Directors and volunteers in the world, AND make daily decisions that have the potential to positively impact others — you can’t help but be excited, optimistic and determined to make a difference, despite the challenges."

Thanks Doctor! If you want to be a CEO like Ursala Burns at Xerox or Dr. Richardson-Heron, read How to Become CEO by Jeffrey J. Fox available wherever you buy books.

-----

Don't leave me by my lonesome, leave a comment, and find me, Abiola Abrams, author and TV personality at PlanetAbiola.com or on Twitter.

Is Cyber Sex Cheating?

2009-06-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

This should be fun! Once a week I'll be giving you the chance to watch a reader advice question answered by 4 different writers and personalities. Today-- is cybersex cheating?

I'm no expert in Cyber Sex... Only atrocious dating! Just kidding. But maybe if this is something your man or woman is into, maybe you can be into it together. Hmmm. And would it have killed me to brush my hair?! lol... Check it out...

Abiola from PlanetAbiola.com Answers

Author Maryann Reid of Marry Your Baby Daddy Answers

Tina from LoveEmOrLeaveEm.com Answers

Sarah of NoRicksAllowed.com Answers

What do you think? Don't leave me by my lonesome, leave a comment...

------

Abiola Abrams is the author of Dare, host of TV shows like BET's The Best Shorts, and "Miss Picky" from VH1's romantic comedy reality dating series Tough Love.

Meet India Arie's New Artist Anthony David

2009-06-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It’s Music Monday…

India.Arie is known for putting out conscious music that parallels her positive lifestyle. We never see her in the tabloids or blogs because she spends her time on important humanitarian causes and creating good music. Brava for her!

The first artist on India.Arie's label, Anthony David, is a soul singer and an ex soldier. Support Anthony’s music. Watch my interview here with this Grammy nominated talent...

Oh -- And don’t leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

Some people won’t like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird selves & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with your girl, Abiola Abrams, “Miss Picky” on VH1’s Tough Love, the author of Dare, the host of The Planet Abiola Show, and the former host of BET’s The Best Short Films. Follow me on Twitter and PlanetAbiola.com.

Not EVERYONE Is In Menopause...

2009-06-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

<----OLD enough to be her GRANDMA...

I've been whining a lot lately about failed memory, emotional upheavals, gray hair, and another birthday gone by. After all I was in my 30s when I started this site with you all. I'm 47 now.

How does that happen?

Just because I'm peri-menopausal and occasionally (or frequently, depending) mean, doesn't mean that everyone is. For those Blog Sisters who might be pregnant or newly delivered, or who have daughters who are pregnant or newly delivered, check out my friends at bTrendie. You can use the invitation code BLOG SISTERS to get in to this invite only shopping community.

We're testing out some graphic blog badges, which is why you see that new badge in the sidebar to the right. Does she scream "pregnant and shopping" or what? Other things she might be saying:

Ouch my aching back.
Ouch my aching feet.
Where's the nanny?

There's a Birthday-in-a-Box Giveaway going on at bTrendie right now, so if you have a (grand)child with a birthday coming up, take a shot at winning.

Meanwhile, Jenna is starting middle school in August, and yet still sometimes rolls out of her bed at night. She's swimming up a storm this summer, which is very helpful for her scoliosis. Water appears to be the best therapy we've found so far to help her posture and pain issues related to the scoliosis. We welcome other ideas and tips from those who've been there.

And finally, you may notice that I've changed the template (again). If anyone wants to take a shot at improving it, let me know and I'll add you as admin.

That's my mid-June update -- as you were!

---

Did Aubrey F Up Danity Kane?

2009-06-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,
It's Flashback Friday...
Our girl Dawn Richard's Screen name on her YouTube Account name is AubreyFdUpDK.

Is she right? Do we all need to move on from the group sorrow and enjoy our favorite girls separately? Tell me what you think.

I love Dawn Richard's voice and can't wait to hear her solo music. And by the way, recently I had a text message exchange with D Woods and a great conversation with her PR maven, and D definitely has some exciting stuff coming up.

Here I interview Diddy's Danity Kane goddesses in happier times, exactly a year ago. I remember that they were exhausted but all appeared, at least on the outside, to be trying to make the group work. We know how that turned out. But for now, MTV girl group and reality stars Danity Kane, one last time...

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird selves & give the haters something to talk about!
--
Thanks for hanging with your girl, Abiola Abrams, "Miss Picky" on VH1's Tough Love, the author of Dare, the host of The Planet Abiola Show online, and the former host of BET's The Best Short Films. Follow me on Twitter and PlanetAbiola.com.

Abiola And The Get Girls' Salmon Recipe

2009-06-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

It's What-the-Wednesday...

I've been reading all of your tweets and emails about the Get ‘Em Girls interview. A few of you wrote to say that you were really feeling the Kiss O'Honey Potatoes recipe. Well, I think that you'll enjoy this follow up as well. It's their salmon recipe with Chef Joan A. Davis.

Check it out...
Watch the video, then cook it!

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.
Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird selves & give the haters something to talk about!
--
Thanks for hanging with your girl, Abiola Abrams, "Miss Picky" on VH1's Tough Love, the author of Dare, the host of The Planet Abiola Show online, and the former host of BET's The Best Short Films. Follow me on Twitter and PlanetAbiola.com.

Sexy Potatoes Recipe: Abiola & The Get Em Girls

2009-06-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's What-the-Wednesday...

If you enjoyed our interview yesterday with the Get Em Girls about the power of cuisine, you're going to love this! Get Em Girl Jeniece Isley takes us step by step through her sexy recipe for Kiss O'Honey Potatoes. It was delicious and we had a ball. Fun, fun, fun. Check it out!

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

Yum! Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the former host of BET's The Best Short Films, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Can Cooking Get Or Keep A Man?

Lalah Hathaway is More Than Donny's Daughter

Tyrese Gibson Has A Message For You

2009-06-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,
It's Music Monday...
I make an effort to share positivity whenever possible. My Twitter friends who follow me on @AbiolaTv know that I start each day with a brief bit of motivation before jumping back into the fun and scandal.
My boy Tyrese Gibson is celebrity who also feels it's important to develop a personal relationship with his fans. Here's a recent message that he left on his Say Now Fan Hotline that goes way past the usual "Keep Ya Head Up" that some people throw at you these days with nothing to back it up.

Listen!

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT. You can also reach me on my Say Now Hotline (917) 267-2607. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird selves & give the haters something to talk about!
--
Thanks for hanging with your girl, Abiola Abrams, "Miss Picky" on VH1's Tough Love, the author of Dare, the host of The Planet Abiola Show online, and the former host of BET's The Best Short Films. Follow me on Twitter and PlanetAbiola.com.

2 out of 3 bankruptcies are from medical bills.

2009-06-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

no one wants to talk about it. our bankrupt government bankrupting us with insane healthcare costs that have drained the finances of ANYONE who has been self-employed or under-insured this past decade, when companies transitioned from giving lavish benefits to giving truckloads of pink slips.

U.S. News and World Report notes that 75 percent of bankruptcies in America today are the result of healthcare expenses gone awry.

So while GM bails out and the financial services industry bails out, American families unable to afford $10,000 per year in deductibles and another $10,000 per year in premiums along with a couple grand a year in doctor's visits and RX's not covered under their plans get to inherit the lasting effects of going bankrupt.

According to the report:

The costliest medical conditions are neurological problems, which cost patients $34,167 in average out-of-pocket healthcare expenses, according to a study in Thursday's online edition of the American Journal of Medicine. The study found that from 2001 to 2007, the number of bankruptcies caused by medical bills
rose by about 50 percent. Insured Americans bankrupted by health problems had an average $17,749 in medical bills; those without insurance had bills amounting to $26,971, on average.

The report also provides some tips for saving $ on healthcare, though I've tried most of these, and they require a LOT of time for very puny results if you ask me.

It appears President Obama is turning his attention to the healthcare mess, and not a moment too soon.

Young Lloyd & Abiola: The Tough Love Interview

2009-06-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Flashback Friday...

One of my favorite interviews last summer was with Young Lloyd. We talked about his collaborations with Lil Wayne, his album and even got him to sing. Lord have us mercy! Wink-wink. Check it out.

OH - And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the former host of BET's The Best Short Films, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Is Going to Jail the "Hot" Thing to Do?

Can Cooking Get or Keep a Man?

Is Going To Jail The "Hot" Thing To Do?

2009-06-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Think About It Thursday...

I recently have been dealing with a family member going through the system, but I'll share that with you on another Thursday. Today I discuss youth in prison and the prison industrial complex with artist activist Damali Abrams, who also happens to be my revolutionary sister. You saw her afro float by for a sec on VH1's Tough Love. Watch!

OH - And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the former host of BET's The Best Short Films, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Sexy Potatoes Recipe With Abiola and the Get Em Girls

Can Cooking Get Or Keep A Man?

Is Osama Bin Laden Alive or Dead?

2009-06-03T19:57:00.001-07:00

A friend referred me to this link at Fox News of the 2001 report of Bin Laden's death. In addition, the late Benazir Bhutto said in an interview that Bin Laden was killed. Did she mean to say someone else? Arab TV has said that Cheney had ordered Bhutto killed. What?

Seems very odd, if you believe he's dead, that we're still getting reports of Bin Laden's "threats." Either the US gov and media are incompetent, some political insiders are secret friends of his, and/or he is being used as an imaginary "boogeyman."

A trip to Wikipedia has more about his reported death.

On the other hand, we couldn't find Eric Robert Rudolph in the mountains. This article on Bin Laden's #2 illustrates how good he could be at hiding.

Things that make you go Hmmm...

Can Cooking Get Or Keep A Man?

2009-06-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Sexy Temptation Tuesday...

Meet my Harlem neighbors The Get ‘Em Girls: Shakara Bridgers, Jeniece Isley and Joan A. Davis. These sisters have a lifestyle movement that is based on their sexy debut cookbook, The Get ‘Em Girls Guide to The Power of Cuisine. They say that food is still definitely the way to your man's heart. Soon I'll share their secret recipes for salmon, asparagus and potatoes, but today, we find out their recipe for love. Check it out...

Get Em Girls! Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, sexy, cool, weird selves & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the former host of BET's The Best Short Films, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

I'm Through With White Girls!

Down Low Brothers in Hip Hop

Followship Diversity?

2009-06-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

New Harvard Research suggests a Man of Twitter (MOT) is almost twice as likely to follow another MOT than a Woman of Twitter (WOT).

And in other news, Hell is still HOT.

The NEWS to me is that Harvard finds this trend stunning:

These results are stunning given what previous research has found in the context of online social networks ⁱ. On a typical online social network, most of the activity is focused around women - men follow content produced by women they do and do not know, and women follow content produced by women they know. Generally, men receive comparatively little attention from other men or from women. We wonder to what extent this pattern of results arises because men and women find the content produced by other men on Twitter more compelling than on a typical social network, and men find the content produced by women less compelling (because of a lack of photo sharing, detailed biographies, etc.).

Huh? Remember the pre-historic era of blogrolls? Remember the echo chamber? Remember Aggregators and top feeds? Remember Techmeme? Twitter is not a new Internet, it's just a new node with the same tendencies and hierarchies (and patriarchies) replicated in 140 characters. I really don't GET the assumption that men usually follow/read/link-to women, and that women do the same. It's just not true. Not online, not offline, not never.

An interesting fact to me is the sheer velocity of popularity on twitter, and how ACTIVITY (not content) may be what drives follows:

Specifically, the top 10% of prolific Twitter users accounted for over 90% of tweets.

That may mean that tweeting OBNOXIOUSLY OFTEN gets you somewhere on Twitter. But then, I think we already knew that.

Lalah Hathaway Is More Than Donny's Daughter

2009-06-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Music Monday...

Singer Lalah Hathaway's father Donny Hathaway was an incredible soul music artist who has been name checked by Nas, Amy Winehouse, Common and Jim Jones. His influence can be clearly heard in the style of modern day crooners like John Legend and Music Soulchild. It was a pleasure to sit down with Lalah Hathaway and discuss her current musical project Self Portrait. Her voice is melodic and she is a gorgeous woman with a beautiful soul-the perfect heir apparent to such a throne. I love her confidence and unapologetic flavor, and it was wonderful to learn about her father's work. Watch the video below...

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the former host of BET's The Best Short Films, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online.

For more read "Picking Apart Miss Picky" by Nandois HERE

Abiola Hits Her "Dare" Book Release Party

"I'm Through With White Girls!"

Alas, suddenly self-employed, yet surprisingly ...

2009-05-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

What an incredible day this has been. First I finally completed the design and development of the website for my new business technology venture (AspiraTech) just in time to rush over to the temple to meet with my Lama for a lunch he cooked for me and another student. He made Tibetan momos for us, plus soup, and it was delicious! Plus hanging out with him for a few hours was pretty sweet in general, meal or no meal.

After all the tumult of the last couple months (with the company I used to do contract business technology consulting for deciding to eliminate its Western region offices after the local director quit, propelling me out on my own unexpectedly) it feels good to have a solid public presentation of my work, which a website represents. I was fortunate enough to have my previous clients recognize the value of what I was doing for them so much that they decided to stay with me after the transition, so I'm not starting completely from scratch. However I still need to attract new clients too, and that's where the website comes in. One simply isn't fully established as a business so long as they don't have an online presence.

If you hear of anyone who needs the types of services I provide, it would be so greatly appreciated. The work I do teaching meditation to incarcerated teens is only possible so long as I don't have to go into a 9-5 in-office position to support myself, and the technical consulting work I do is also incredibly valuable to businesses that need help in and of itself. So you'd be doing both them and me a favor, as well as helping to make it possible for me to keep doing the afternoon service work.

I specialize in SalesForce.com CRM Implementation work, CRM Management for businesses that already have SalesForce set up but need help running it or optimizing it, as well as web development (particularly search engine optimized sites), software training, saas database design, and pretty much anything related to online business technology.

I know this is a very business-y, techie post while I am a blogger who is primarily spiritual inspiration oriented (check out my Indigo Ocean blog for my many articles on enlightened vision), but this is what is up for me right now. Living here in samsara, all parts of life have got to be incorporated into the realization of nirvana within what is. Dealing practically with survival needs is an intrinsic part of the path of realization, and every step of progress in that regard can be part of progress on all fronts. It's all about one's perspective, not about the thing itself.

Whenever I work with a business, I literally pray for them. In every interaction I go in with the intention of blessing them in some way, and at some level they seem to pick up on this. The relationship I develop with them goes beyond the business objective we are working on together, as we become humans in right relationship, healing our hearts and our lives together, while also getting work done.

I see it as holy work, bringing the light of spirituality into the lives of people who may have no idea it has anything to offer them. They feel the influence and that is all they know. That was my same motivation when I wrote my book. I know a lot of advanced theories and I thought of targeting the book to an advanced audience, but decided against it because I really wanted to reach those people who had yet to embark upon the spiritual path formally, and whet their appetite for spiritually opening. In the same way, I love going into the places where spirituality usually is thought to have no home, whether the prison or the boardroom, and lighting a spark of self-remembrance. You wanted an e-commerce website? Sure, and how about a shakti shot to go with it? Love it.

What would our world be like if even half the people who are deeply devoted to spiritual awakening decided to bring the work into the world of commerce? Would that not change business as usual? Is it needed there any less than in the prisons the less financially fortunate find themselves in? There are many types of prisons, some less comfortable than others, but all equally soul stifling.

Abiola Hits Her "Dare" Book Release Party

2009-05-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's For the Win Flashback Friday...

I've always been a writer, and like many of you it was my dream to be published. I toured with Dare on the Divas of Literature tour with Renee Flagler and Jackie Christie. Yesterday I was honored to take part in the BEA, Book Expo of America, to encourage my fellow writers to do their thing.

My fellow writers and writers to be, please don't listen to the naysayers. They are just scared of doing their thing, so they want to knock you down from doing yours. Hang in there. Be persistent no matter what. And I look forward to reading your work too.

OH - And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with whatever friends roll through and the fab Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For the Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Down Low Brothers in Hip-Hop

Abiola Meets Lil Wayne's Twin Sister

Down Low Brothers In Hip Hop

2009-05-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Sexy Temptation Tuesday...

Some people may feel that Hiding in Hip Hop is old news. I disagree. As long as African American and Latina women are the largest group being infected with HIV and dying of the AIDS virus, down low brothers are still news. That's why I will always give props and a mic to my boy Terrance Dean, an author and activist who stepped up to the plate to tell his story.

Many of us are angry, and put this misplaced anger on Terrance and men like him who are courageous enough to speak out. Many of us know more about our favorite TV stars than we know about the people we open our legs, bodies and souls to. Instead of "do you like this dress," try asking your dude, "Have you been with men?" and "Have you been tested for STDs?"

I know that it's embarrassing. And it's hella uncomfortable. But let's just assume it's more comfortable than contracting an incurable disease. Word.

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

PSA for Gay youth: Abiola & Terrance Dean

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with whatever friends roll through and the fab Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For the Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Zahara Jolie-Pitt is America's Next Top Model!

How ugly is your beauty? Abiola and Michael Beach ask.

I'm Through With White Girls!

2009-05-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Think About It Thursday...

Ok, so I know from the title of the post you're feeling, damn, did Abiola fall out with a whole race?

"I'm Through With White Girls" is the award-winning debut film directed by my friend Jennifer Sharp. It's actually about tolerance. There are many women in the world of entertainment doing exciting things like Mara Brock Ali, Shonda Rhimes, and Robin Arrington Greene, and whenever possible I pay tribute to their work. Director Jennifer Sharp along with Producers Lia and Phyllis Johnson and star Anthony Montgomery speak to me about their film. AND did I mention HANDSOME Lamman Rucker from Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?"

OH - And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with whatever friends roll through and the amazing Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For the Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Zahara Jolie-Pitt is America's Next Top Model!

Abiola Meets Lil Wayne's Twin Sister

Abiola Meets Lil Wayne's Twin Sister

2009-05-27T02:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's What-the-Wednesday...

I work with my friend Casey Gane-McCalla on our sister site NewsOne.com to get the hard hitting stories. When our repeated requests to interview Lil Wayne fell on deaf ears, we decided to interview his long lost twin sister, DeWanda Carter, Lil Weeza F. Baby. Enjoy!

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with whatever friends roll through and the fab Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

--

Thanks for hanging with your girl. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For the Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com, YOUTUBE.com/planetabiola and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com.

Zahara Jolie-Pitt is America's Next Top Model!

Down-Low Brothers in Hip Hop

Zahara Jolie-Pitt Is America's Next Top Model!

2009-05-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's For the Win Friday... Open up the Cookie Dough Ice cream and indulge. You don't want to miss this.

Just like you, during the whole Angelina Jolie/Jennifer Aniston mess, I sunk to the lowest common denominator and was all in their business like I was Maury Povich and Brad was not the father! I love a scandal. Anyway, I found this missing Jolie Pitt secret video in the Goddess Factory just yesterday. As you regulars know The Goddess Factory is my flat in Harlem. Check out Zahara Jolie-Pitt's audition for Tyra Bank's America's Next Top Model.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with the gorgeous Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with me-- your girl Abiola. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For The Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com...

How ugly is your beauty? Abiola and Michael Beach ask

Abiola Gets Into Busta Rhymes' Business

How Ugly Is Your Beauty? Abiola & Michael Beach Ask

2009-05-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Think About It Thursday... Almost time for the weekend. Pop in some eye drops to conceal that party fatigue; you don't wanna miss this!

Though not a fan of Third Watch or E.R., your goddess sister was still thrilled to get a call from actor Michael Beach about his new documentary, America the Beautiful. He said to check my mailbox for his new film, and with a Hollywood actor involved, and I honestly expected some sort of typical fluffery.

I was pleasantly surprised to find an entertaining yet hard hitting look at artificial beauty in America. I tapped my new silk nails, fluffed my bone straight # 6 hair weave, batted my false eyelash extensions, sucked it in with pair of Spanx and adjusted the straps on my Vicky's Secret push up water bra. This documentary was definitely something to pay attention to. Take note: Whenever people start putting a scalpel to their vaginas, we need to have a convo. Ouch! Here's what Michael Beach had to say about the pursuit of beauty in America.

OH - And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with the gorgeous Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with me-- your girl Abiola. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For The Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com...

Abiola Gets in Busta Rhymes' Business

Abiola and Gorilla Zoe Take it Uptown

Abiola Gets Into Busta Rhymes' Business

2009-05-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's What-the-Wednesday, also known as Hump Day, so un-flex your freshly pedicured toes. You don't want to miss this!

Today is Busta Rhymes' birthday. It's also the day after he released his latest album, Back on my B.S. The victory is especially sweet because the rapper has had a tumultuous few years. Busta Rhymes is your favorite rapper's favorite rapper. His image is that of the court jester - a good time party dude who makes anthems. The past couple of years, however, have been anything but a party for the rapper, whose given name is Trevor Smith.

Check out our conversation below, where we included a few of your questions from my twitter, blackplanet, youtube and facebook, as well as Busta Rhymes trivia. Does he prefer boxers or briefs? Find out...

This has been a broadcast from Harlem, where I live in solo sin with the gorgeous Anabelle Kitty Kat. The dress was a gift from designer DaliaOnline.com. Thanks D! Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with me-- your girl Abiola. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For The Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com...

Abiola Answers Viewer Mail!

Man Hunting with Abiola and the Funky Brown Chick

Abiola And Gorilla Zoe Take It Uptown

2009-05-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Music Monday... Park your stilettos and grab a mimosa. You don't wanna miss this!

When my peeps at Bad Boy hit me on my dying Crackjack phone to ask if I wanted to interview their latest golden boy, Southern rapper Gorilla Zoe, I said, "Lemme consult with my agent." My agent is named Google so I typed Gorilla Zoe and the search engine gods revealed a hot mess of a rapper - promoting drugs, cussin', degrading women and the whole nine.

As someone who makes a career of being a delicious haute mess, I try not to throw stones, but my research had me wanting to toss boulders at this brother. Then I heard my mom's words in my ear: "We're all only human." I said yes to the interview, but only if I could ask him the hard questions. Then I threw on my leopard cloak and invited Gorilla Zoe to hang in Harlem. Watch the video, parts 1 and 2, to see how it all went down.

OH-- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

ABIOLA & GORILLA ZOE, PART 1

ABIOLA & GORILLA ZOE, PART 2

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with the gorgeous Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with me-- your girl Abiola. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For the Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com...

Man Hunting With Abiola & The Funky Brown Chick

2009-05-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Cupcakes,

It's Sexy Temptation Tuesday... Sip your green tea slowly; you don't wanna miss this!

Question: My single goddesses in the big cities - do you ever feel like you and your girls keep dating the same 10 men on rotation? Me too! New York City can feel man rich and man poor at the same time. There is strength in numbers so I grabbed one of my favorite divas, blogger Twanna Hines AKA The Funky Brown Chick. Then we hit the streets of Manhattan in search of male gold. We had only one question on our Lip Glassed lips: where are the men!? Check out Part 1 of our adventure here.

Oh -- And don't leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with the gorgeous Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won't like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with me-- your girl Abiola. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For the Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com...

Abiola and Gorilla Zoe take it uptown

Slide Hoes, Booty Calls, & Jump Offs: Beyond Mistresses

LADIES!

2009-05-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

Hey I'm still here - good to see you posting!!! we should knock the cobwebs off this old Edsel and take her for a spin. Thanks one and all for keeping this place our place. :)

Pelosi / CIA Song Parody

2009-05-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's quiet here. Where did everybody go?

Anyway, I took a brief break from limericks, just long enough to write a new song parody about the Pelosi / CIA brouhaha: The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song.

ABIOLA ASKS: Do You Use Sex Toys?

2009-04-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

I was a stranger to toys when I took the Babeland Tour (below), but as a single goddess, I am no stranger to my body. What's your stance on the M-word - toys, no toys, or not at all?

Hey Cupcakes,

It's me, Abiola. Ms. Abrams, if you're nasty! I am giving new meaning to the word DJing and the art of self pleasure. Women get ready discover your goodies. OK, with your fine self! Let's get down to the nitty gritty! This week, we're talking about self-pleasure. No "tough love" today.

I visited a book club that was reading Dare. The group, whose name I won't mention for privacy purposes, was a gorgeous gaggle of black and Latina sisters with a Becky in the mix for good measure. I have met with several groups by phone, but this group, that I'll call the Reading Divas, won a contest on my site to have me visit. It was just like the Pajama Parties I throw for my friends.

Without giving away too much, there is a scene in my novel Dare that involves a scarf and the main character Maya touching herself with jazz beats screaming. One of the Reading Divas, who I'll call Natalie, was intrigued with this scene and we all got into an explicit convo about the M-word.

When I delved deeper, Natalie claimed to have never touched herself intimately except when showering. Never ever. Not alone, not with a partner, nothing!

Frankly, this was so fascinating to yours truly that I veered totally off the topic of Dare and spoke exclusively about the art of DJing, the nickname my buddy Rich gives the female version of jerking off. Why on earth would a healthy, red-blooded American woman not want to know and touch her body? I was baffled.

Our convo went something like this:

Abiola: What? Why?
Natalie: I just never felt the need to?
Abiola: Why Not?
Natalie: (blushing) Um. I dunno.
Abiola: Never?!
Natalie: Never! I...
Abiola: Never ever?
Natalie: I guess... I just felt ashamed. Or maybe I'm not a sexual person.
Abiola: Mami - everybody is a sexual person...
Food, sleep and sex. Your body needs all 3. And if you are lacking in one area, you will overcompensate in the other two. Medical fact.

Natalie's Reading Diva sisters came forth with stories, suggestions, and, in one case, toys, and all I can say is... I bet I know what Natalie is doing as we speak! Ah-hem! Now, Maya in my novel touches herself through a scarf because she is ashamed of her body. A scarf or any other barrier is bad enough, but to feel so dirty that you don't touch yourself at all? Egads woman, you are missing out!!

How can you teach a partner to learn your body if you don't know your body yourself? I understand having parameters. I'm not saying that you have to buy any big, scary, ugly vibrators, unless that's your pleasure. I personally have an aversion to the whole vibe thing.
Jocelyn Elders, the first African American surgeon general, had to step down when she not only promoted the use of condoms, but suggested that if young people would just masturbate, maybe they would stop spreading disease and unwanted pregnancies. Duh - sounds like great advice. Believe it or not, people freaked, and homegirl lost her gig. Urban legend says that she may have even started the saying, "Sex can wait, masturbate!" Love that!

People! It's yours. God put it all there for a reason.
It turns out that May is masturbation month. Yay! I know that we're early, but you can get a jump on it, so to speak. Get some candles and incense and set the mood, just like you do for a partner. Put on something silky or whatever turns you on and then go for it! Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... Mmmmmmm. Didn't that feel good? You deserve to feel good - everywhere! I thought that we got this memo, but I am happy to be of service. Now you can show your partner what you learned in class, and the night will get even hotter.

----------
Buy Dare by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books. Watch Tough Love Sunday nights on VH1 at 10pm. Find me at www.planetabiola.com, on facebook at www.tinyurl.com/planetabiola, youtube www.youtube.com/planetabiola, or twitter www.twitter.com/abiolatv.

Get a tax-free vibrator!

Watch Abiola give Eric Benet a little tough love.

Abiola Gives Eric Benet Tough Love

2009-04-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

Hey Lovecakes,

This week’s episode of my reality show VH1’s Tough Love was “Friends Don’t Let Friends Date Bitches.” I was offended then I had to think, do my friends and I let friends each other date jerks? We try not to! How about you?

When my “wasband” (Abiolacabulary. Wasband: Tthe marriage was too short to call him my ex-husband) was acting the fool and I said “he’s doing the best he can,” it was my girl Patranila who pulled my coattails. My novel Dare is about two best girlfriends trying to navigate the world of men, romance, fame and friendship. I was talking about Dare with a book club over mojitos when I got the call from Eric Benet’s fab PR goddess Liz Rosenberg.

CONFESSION. For the past few years I was not feeling Eric Benet, and truth be told, none of my girlfriends were either. To us, he embodied the epitome of doggiedom. (Abiolacabulary. Doggiedom: The State of Dogging Out a Good Woman.) All I had in my head was that Halle Berry was our girl, and dammit Eric, how could you do it?? We didn’t care that Halle has moved on and has a gorgeous daughter and hunky new man. Upon deeper reflection, we weren't really angry at Eric, but angry at the men in our own lives, angry at our own mistakes.

FAST FORWARD. After spending an afternoon with Eric I have to tell you that we all make mistakes and he is a more thoughtful person and a fantastic musician who is intent on being a better man and an amazing single father. In the future we'll share his thoughts about "raising a queen" -- his words -- his daughter India. Eric even offers dating advice, and well, what he seeks in love. This album is not about the past, but the future. One listen and you'll see why he considers Love & Life a tribute to R&B from the 60s and the 70s. For now, check out his interview, and his new album, Love and Life. (More after the video...)

Click HQ to watch in High Quality.

Special thanks to Eric for his sensual single Chocolate Legs, which I think that ladies with all colors of legs will appreciate!! ;-) At a time when women who look like me have disappeared from movie leads, commercials, music videos and just our visual landscape in pop culture in general, we of the chocolate legs appreciate the love, Eric. Enjoy -- especially for THE TRUE EBs -- the nickname for Eric Benet's dedicated fans.

xoxo,
Abiola

OH– The best ways to get in touch are to (a) leave a comment here and I will read every single one, (b) my official site www.planetabiola.com, (c) join me on twitter.com/abiolatv, (d) email advice questions to thelovegoddess@planetabiola.com or (e) visit blackplanet.com/planetabiola .

Abiola, VH1’s Tough Love & The Sexy Cupcakes

2009-04-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

Check out the official Love Cakes reel below:

Today's Goddess XO: "You are as beautiful as your thoughts." -Ralph Scott

Soundtrack: John Coltrane's My Favorite Things

Shoes: Black patent leather Mile high Cavalli platform

Question of the Day: What makes you feel sexy?*

Hello Lovecakes,

Welcome to Planet Abiola & the Goddess Factory: an inspirational blog with an online talk-variety show, celebrity goodies, and scandalous advice. You may know me from hosting BET J's "The Best Shorts" film showcase, being that street reporter on Source Magazine's hip hop TV news show, the author of the novel Dare, or as the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Or you may know me as Miss Picky on VH1's Tough Love.

Either way, allow me to reintroduce myself....

;-)

When the Drew Barrymore people told me about the reality TV version of He's Not That Into You, it sounded like a perfect match. Could you use a chance to work with Master Matchmakers? I said, heck yeah! Any chance to pimp love for love, and I am there. Over and over again. I write about my foibles in love, sex, dating, relationships and empowerment. I even have the nerve to offer my fabulous and well-tested advice. So feel free to ask. The million dollar question is how I'm able to give everyone else love advice and not myself. Because frankly in some moments I am a deliciously flaming hot mess! The key is, I love the beautiful mess that I am. I make mistakes, missteps and get caught out there like everybody else, then apologize and move on.

VH1's Tough Love Boot Camp was/is an amazing experience. We are up to episode 3 and it's terrifying because 7 days become 42 TV minutes, so you don't get to hear complete conversations, like the fact that I have always struggled with my weight because I work in an industry that does not appreciate the curves that I love, love, love. That's why I chose to pose with my lovecakes in the photo above!

Our last Tough Love challenge was the sexy photo shoot and my cupcakes, tiara and fully dressed goddess look got shut down but I am sticking to my guns. My shoot was as sexy as heaven because I enjoyed it. I love my quirks. Abiola's Rule #1: Definitely be weird! Cookie cutter is boring.

Some of you cheered and others shed a tear last episode as I said goodbye to my first match Terrance after the lingerie party, but there's good stuff to come. For now I say check out some of our famous friends indulging in my lovecakes cupcakes obsession in the video clip below as well as VH1 bonus footage.

I know you've got questions about why I rock a tiara (to remind us to hold our heads high), what a goddess dreambook is (a vision board with covers), whether I think I'm a princess (never, baby, we're goddesses) and all kinds of other fun stuff. I am not perfect. I am just you with a feather pen and a platinum microphone. And I look forward to hanging with you here in our safe play space.

OH-- The best ways to get in touch are to (a) leave a comment here and I will read every single one, (b) subscribe to my full Lifecast RSS feed, (c) join me on twitter.com/abiolatv, (d) email advice questions to thelovegoddess@planetabiola.com (e) visit blackplanet.com/planetabiola or (f) my official site www.planetabiola.com.

Our goal today? Let's dream bigger and learn to love ourselves more a little each day, while trying our best to be deliciously perfect with our imperfections. Phew! Thanks for watching and reading. And most of all, thank you for laughing and crying with me. I appreciate your support, and it is my pleasure to entertain you.

xoxo,

Abiola

Check out bonus footage from VH1's "Tough Love" here.

And see Abiola's VH1 page here!

Dems Still Being Blackmailed By GOP

2009-02-07T11:31:00.001-08:00

"It looks like the Senate may end up passing a stimulus bill that’s smaller (spending-wise), larger (tax-cut-wise), and far less likely to work than the bill
passed in the House.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of Senate Democrats letting Republicans blackmail them with the mere threat of a filibuster. Here’s a thought: Instead of caving in to GOP demands, how about telling them to go filibuster themselves? ..."

Continued here, including my double limerick on the
topic.

Alpha-Farewell To George Bush

2009-01-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

"Back in 2004 I summed up George Bush’s first term in my Alpha Politics. So it seems only appropriate to do the same for the Bush-Cheney second term:

A is for Jack Abramoff who’s big in pay-to-play.

B’s for greedy bankers who have fleeced the USA.

C is for Rep. Craig who isn’t gay, except in bed.

D is for democracy which Dubya hasn’t spread. ..."

The rest of my Alpha-Political Farewell to Bush and Cheney is here.

Take the Lead - Help Stop HIV and AIDS

2008-12-01T06:49:00.000-08:00

For 20 years, people around the globe have observed Dec. 1 as World AIDS Day. It's a time to remember those we have lost, to thank the people who give of their time to care for those infected and affected by the disease, and to rededicate ourselves to finding a cure. AIDS has not gone away -- not by a long shot. Therapies have improved, and many HIV-positive people are living longer and healthier lives, but many challenges lie ahead.

According to the World AIDS campaign web site, 8,000 people die from HIV disease every day, and there are millions of new infections each year -- despite increased commitments from government leaders and health-care institutions. This means we need even more leadership, more ideas, deeper commitments, and increases in funding.

Many people lacking insurance and health care simply do without necessary treatment -- and if they don't know that they are infected with HIV, they unknowingly put themselves and others at risk. With the global economic meltdown, there are likely to be more of them, especially among groups of people who already have little access to HIV education. Too many people don't get tested and some do not discover their HIV status until after they have progressed to full-blown AIDS.

As daunting as these challenges will be, we all have some reason to cheer on this Dec. 1. In the past year alone, reasearch has told us that people undergoing HIV therapies have similar survival rates as those of uninfected people. Newly discovered and approved treatment options make medication regimens safer and simpler to follow. Numerous states are making big headway in permitting routine HIV testing within everyday health care settings. This is all great news, and with renewed focus by government, research institutions, and health care administrators, hopefully we will see even more news to celebrate by this time next year.

In the meantime, health educators need new ideas for delivering potentially lifesaving information on HIV and AIDS to populations still not getting the word: young people, non-English speakers, disadvantaged communities in the US and overseas. There must be a renewed commitment to collaboration between health-care providers, researchers, and government officials so that they can bring necessary changes in diagnosis,a decrease in the number of new infections, and increased access to care and treatment -- especially during an economic crisis that will leave more people uninsured and under-insured.

HIV/AIDS organizations throughout the US hope the new Obama administration will bring needed change in prevention, access to care, civil rights, and research within its first 100 days. They call for a bigger federal investment in domestic HIV/AIDS programs, including research and prevention efforts, and in care and services for those with HIV/AIDS through the Ryan White CARE Act. They also urge the president-elect to get to work promptly on a national HIV/AIDS strategy that deals realistically with the HIV epidemic, which, despite the efforts of thousands over the past two decades, continues to grow.

HIV is everyone's problem -- that is most clear on this, the 20th World AIDS Day. We all must take some sort of leadership role to stop infections, to care for the sick, and to halt the dying. Since 1981, I have lost more than 100 loved ones to the disease, so ending this scourge is a very personal matter to me. Every person infected by HIV creates a group of people also affected by the disease. That adds up to a whole lot of misery -- and it must be stopped. With stronger leadership, fresh ideas, and renewed commitment, we can end the HIV/AIDS epidemic. I know we can. But we need you to do your part: Write to lawmakers and political leaders and remind them of the urgency. Volunteer at your local AIDS service provider -- you can serve as a caregiving buddy or deliver meals to homebound patients or visit people in hospitals or in a host of roles. Talk about the importance of testing, abstinence, and safer sex in your schools and within your community, your church, your home. If you can't give time, donate. Just do something.

On this World AIDS Day, I ask you to take time to inform yourself and to think: What will you do to make a difference before Dec. 1, 2009? Once you have found your answer, get busy. There are lives to save.

Prop 8 and DoMA: Defining Marriage Isn't the Issue

2008-11-17T12:27:00.004-08:00

My colleague at LA Progressive, Carl Matthes, makes a great point. While all of these people are bandying about trying to determine what the definition of marriage should be, they really should look at the definition of another word -- equality.

After the election, a close liberal friend of mine, who happens to be Jewish, said that she and her husband went to the dictionary to check the definition of the word “marriage” to help guide their vote on Prop 8. They wanted clarification on how marriage is defined. I assume they felt that by defining marriage clearly, this would give them direction for granting equal rights to gay men and lesbians.

Hmmm?!

She said her dictionary defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman. (As does my older Webster’s dictionary.) She then asked, “I wonder how your Oxford English Dictionary (OED) defines marriage?” So, for those who like to swallow their sense of equality with a big dose of dictionary, I submit the definition of “marriage” from volume IX of the XX volume OED which reads, “The condition of being a husband or wife; the relation between married persons; spousehood, wedlock.” Spousehood? And, no mention of man or woman. Those English must have known something which must have gotten lost in translation on the trip across the Atlantic. And, for those who like to play word games, notice the word “or” between husband or wife and not the word “and.” Oh, there could be two wives? Two husbands? A female as husband or a male as wife? My mind is reeling with possibilities.

I then thought that a better place to look in the dictionary for guidance on how to vote on same-sex marriage would be the word “equal.” My OED says that equal means, “Identical in amount; neither less nor greater…having the same measure, number, value, intensity, etc.” So, in the context of constitutional equality, I would expect to see next to the definition of equality a picture of Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi. Maybe in my friend’s dictionary there would be a picture of Strom Thurmond or Rush Limbaugh.

Not a lot of wiggle room with the word “equal.”

For years, people have told me that I need to compromise on the matter of the state permitting legal marriage for the GLBT community. Accept second-class citizenship in the form of civil union, they say -- it's good enough. Many gay and lesbian people do accept the diminishment meekly in the interest of peace. Good on them. Civil union is not equal, so it cannot be good enough. Ever. Grown-up people can and should compromise whenever possible, and on any other issue, I certainly am willing to make allowances or take less than I truly require or want. But not when it comes to equality: As the Supreme Court ruled a half-century ago, separate but equal isn't equal. We are either equal or we are not. This nation claims to offer equality under secular law for all. Therefore, equality, in a legal or non-theocratic sense, cannot be compromised.

Look it up:

equality (noun) - i kwóllətee, ee kwóllətee

equal (noun) - i kwól, ee kwól

MSN Encarta:

state of being equal: rights, treatment, quantity, or value equal to all others in a specific group
* full equality under the law

Merriam-Webster:

the quality or state of being equal (of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another; identical in mathematical value or logical denotation; equivalent - like in quality, nature, or status c: like for each member of a group, class, or society)
* provide equal employment opportunities>

Merriam-Webster Law Dictionary:

the quality or state of being equal: as 1. : sameness or equivalence in number, quantity, or measure 2.: likeness or sameness in quality, power, status, or degree

Dictionary.com:

the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability; equal - as great as; the same as (often fol. by to or with); like or alike in quantity, degree, value, etc.; of the same rank, ability, merit, etc.; evenly proportioned or balanced; uniform in operation or effect; adequate or sufficient in quantity or degree; having adequate powers, ability, or means; impartial or equitable

American Heritage Dictionary:

The state or quality of being equal

WordNet:

the quality of being the same in quantity or measure or value or status

Unless one wants a theocracy, nope, you won't find wiggle room here. Equal is equal, period. The United States and all but two states in the union do not provide equality for all. I don't care how religious one claims to be -- no decent person should accept inequality. Frankly, I don't see how they could. And if the US is supposedly the greatest, fairest nation on the planet, it should act like it and acknowledge the full equality of all its citizens.

Color Box

2008-10-26T06:22:00.001-07:00

Color Box

Just a pretty thing for a cloudy foggy day. I love this picture. I don't know what it's a picture of, but that doesn't matter to me.

Photo Credit: Jan Stewart

Let's Feel Up Our Own Boobies - Here's the Technique

2008-10-25T09:33:00.004-07:00

Hey Blog Sisters,

Last night I attended a Breast Cancer Awareness event at the Hue Man Bookstore in Harlem, NY thrown by The Lit Leaders Rosalind Mclymont, Linda A. Duggins, Esther Armah and Renee Daniel Flagler. I learned so much and was completely inspired to come home and feel up my boobs on camera just for you. There's a song and everything.

Whoo Hoo! I am willing to completely embarrass myself to save your life. Oh, and for post menopausal women, disregard the period part of the technique.

xo,
Abiola Abrams

McCain / Palin Haiku Contest Finalists Announced

2008-10-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

Cool news! Nearly 4000 people submitted haiku to the McPalin Haiku Hysteria contest held by People For The American Way and The Nation Magazine. And I’m one of the twelve finalists!!! So I’d really appreciate your voting for my haiku here. The three winning haiku will be published in The Nation. Thanks!

The Ills of Big Pharma? What if there were a cure - right now - to save your life and you couldn't get it?

2008-10-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's happening to Andrew Barron's dad, who happens to have a researcher on his case who has discovered something important.

It appears the Drug Company with the potential cure is trying to block its use.

In what can only be defined as a miracle in timing, a few days ago, one of his doctors who has been studying his tumor cells in the lab for years found an antibody with an exact match: Tysabri which is manufactured by your company, Biogen Idec. In the test tube, it attached to the antigens on the surface of the tumor 100%.

Though the drug has never been used before in this way, and because time is running out, the head of the FDA, Dr. Andrew von Eschenbach has granted special approval for use of the drug for this purpose but you have personally decided “no”.

Help Andrew if you can - he says how in his post.

-----

Quinn Swims From Angel Island (And It Wasn't Even On Fire)

2008-10-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

Quinn Swims From Angel Island (And It Wasn't Even On Fire)

Our part-aquatic friends the Woodheads continue to make their mark in the chilly world of open water swimming. Here's eight-year-old Quinn finally coming up for air, a towel, and age-group winning honors after swimming from Angel Island (San Francisco Bay) to Tiburon. He's gearing up for more Alcatraz shenanigans next.

Palin Found Guilty of Ethics Violation & Abuse of Power

2008-10-11T11:00:00.001-07:00

From All Facts and Opinions

Brian Ross of ABC News reports that investigator Stephen Branchflower determined that while Sarah and Todd Palin's desire to have their former brother-in-law fired was not the only reason for Walt Monegan's sacking, it was part of the justification for it, and that made the move unethical and illegal.

I have read the 263-page Branchflower report from start to finish. These are its major findings:

Finding Number One:

For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act. Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) provides

“The legislature reaffirms that each public officer holds office as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust.”

Finding Number Two:

I find that, although Walt Monegan’s refusal to fire Trooper Michael Wooten was not the sole reason he was fired by Governor Sarah Palin, it was likely a contributing factor to his termination as Commissioner of Public Safety. In spite of that, Governor Palin’s firing of Commissioner Monegan was a proper and lawful exercise of her constitutional and statutory authority to hire and fire executive branch department heads.

Finding Number Three:

Harbor Adjustment Service of Anchorage, and its owner Ms. Murleen Wilkes, handled Trooper Michael Wooten’s workers’ compensation claim properly and in the normal course of business like any other claim processed by Harbor Adjustment Service and Ms. Wilkes. Further, Trooper Wooten received all the workers’ compensation benefits to which he was entitled.

Finding Number Four:

The Attorney General’s office has failed to substantially comply with my August 6, 2008, written request to Governor Sarah Palin for information about the case in the form of emails.

Top 5 Reasons I Should Not Be Your Child's Godmother ;-D

2008-09-30T13:43:00.002-07:00

Hey Blog Sisters,

Here's the scoop. In my outer circle, my friends are popping out babies faster than the Palin family. In my inner circle however, my girls are all deliriously happy indie artist single goddesses unburdened by the darling delight that is motherhood.

Many of those wonderful outer circle girlfriends are trying to carefully choose who should raise their children should something horrible befall them. Others are trying to figure out which potential godparents would give their rugrats the best gifts. While some may be competing for these prized godmother spots, I write this impassioned plea to let you know, my pregnant and soon to be pregnant friends, when it comes to godmotherhood I am not your woman.

I have 2 godchildren, one nephew and a cat. Add to that trying to still trying to raise myself and my best friends and my hands are pretty full. I was blessed to have the best parents on the planet and then to add to my embarrassment of riches my Uncle Patrick and Aunt Ena ROCK as godparents. When I took off for LA to seek my fortune, telling my parents to kiss the back of the $300 jeans that they'd bought me, my Aunt Ena saw to it that the floor I was sleeping on was padded with a comfy mattress and silk sheets. And my Uncle Patrick was no slouch either. When I was that annoying brat in the first row of 2nd grade raising my hand before the questions were asked Uncle P kept me stocked in Highlights magazines so that I could be the chick lit writer I am today! Alas, my friends, this is too much to live up to. I am selfishly enjoying life too much to commit to helping you raise your children. Lest you doubt me in this area, I offer you this:

TOP 5 REASONS YOU SHOULD CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE AS YOUR BABY'S GODMAMA

5) The Blooming Plants. I adore plants and greenery of any kind. I have been known to annoyingly remark during rainstorms, "well the trees need water too." When my EFH (Ex From Hell) aka SGF (Still Good Friend) and I decided to part ways (meaning he cheated on me with every cheap trick available) I was forced to leave my lovely houseplants. They all had special meaning to me and were gifts from people I cared for. Fine, I thought as I packed to move to an apartment with no window ledges, you keep the bloody plants. In my mind, the plants would miss my tender affection and all quickly drop dead, forcing EFH to realize that I was the glue that held the very threads of life together. Instead, when I returned a year later to collect the bulk of my things, I found a virtual greenhouse! The plants were flourishing like they never had when I watered them with PUR, fed them and even spoke to them. The plants were glad that I was gone. Imagine how your kids would feel if I was left in their care.

4) K & R. My current godchildren. Wonderful as they are I am embarrassed to say that I rarely see them. One mother tried to ply me to visit with guilt by saying that poor little R asked how come she only sees Auntie Abiola inside the TV. How did I deal with this? Did I pack up a bushel of toys and books and head over? No, I apologized and felt guilty for 5 whole minutes before reiterating Goddess Maxim Number 3 - Guilt is a Wasted Emotion. Then I met my inner circle girls for Tuesdays at Tilman's- a delightful feast of networking and debauchery in Manhattan. Whatareyougonnado? Let your child fall to this same fate? Not recommended.

3) Better Alternatives. If something were to happen to you, might I suggest a nunnery or that uncle you mentioned who lives in your basement?

2) The Pets. When I was a kid, I never took to the baby dolls. Instead I turned my toy refrigerator on the side to make a file cabinet and turned the toy stove into a pretend desk to write on. When I was bored with that, my refrigerator was Barbie's second townhouse. True story! The Abrams family did have pets from time to time. The two I remember the most are the dogs Rocky and Flirt. I can honestly swear on a stack of Bibles that I never ever had physical contact with either of these animals. I am embarrassed to add that 2 years ago when my sister was shocked by and opposed to me getting a cat, Flirt's name came up and I asked how was he. Flirt is a girl, my sister explained. Oh, I said. When I did get a cat my sister and cousin came over and threatened to rescue her if she showed any signs of neglect! Again, true story.

1) My Beloved Kitty Anabelle. My daughter Anabelle is the only child that I can contend with at the moment. She is loved, well fed, happily spoiled and cared for. (When I sit writing for 14 hours and forget to feed her, she reminds me ASAP.) I am leaving soon for Guyana Fashion week and luckily I have friends that remind me to find a sitter for her. Those friends unfortunately are also the same inner circle single childless friends who give me horrible cat mothering advice like put olive oil on Anabelle's back to make her clean herself better. (Don't ask. I'll share this one day.) Your kids don't need this. And besides, Anabelle doesn't really like children.

Think carefully about who you choose as a godmother. I may appear on the surface to be a great surrogate mom catch. However, if you take the time to look deeper I think you'll agree that there are others who are much more deserving of this honor. If some disaster were to befall you, I could be entrusted with your wardrobe, however.

Love / Hugs,
Abiola
Curator of the Goddess Factory Lifestyle

"You've really gotten us into a mess this time, Ollie!"

2008-09-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Comparing Laurel and Hardy to McCain/Palin is a stretch, but if the financial mess we're in now doesn't focus the country's attention on the sorry state of affairs from eight years of insanity, then we deserve to crash.

The presidential campaign of '52 was the first I was old enough to remember, and it seemed so exciting and patriotic back then. We'd just come out of the war, the country was booming, and yes, there were problems, though they seem elementary compared to now. After listening to Stevenson and Eisenhower speak, I expected that the academic would easily beat out the old war horse. That was my first lesson in the short-sightedness of the American public. When I questioned my parents why Stevenson lost, my mom said, "He was too smart for the average American to understand." It didn't make much sense at the time. Unfortunately, she was right.

What does it take for your average American citizen to wake up to the fact that we've shot ourselves in both feet, at home and abroad? I traveled in Central Europe this summer, and was impressed by the sight of wind turbines twirling in swirling wheat fields. We are so terribly out of touch with what's going on in the rest of the world--all we see through the MSM lens is strictly US-centric. We've been salted down, wrapped in cotton wool, and isolated from reality.

Same thing when I lived in Australia for two years. There's so much more going on out there than Americans know. It was a relief to live a life in which American doom and gloom and rotten capitalism was reduced to an 11:30-midnight slot every night, and to have the choice to simply not watch. I learned about countries I'd never heard of before. Saw island nations strip mined by American megacorporations, the population decimated when the silt from runoff ruined the fishing economy. Watched the New Zealand Navy surround the French islands where Chirac conducted an underwater nuclear bomb test. Did this news ever make it to the US media? My guess is the O.J. fiasco pre-empted news of any value.

For all our bluster and misplaced pride, the US has slipped into a Third World existence where we have higher infant mortality than a couple of dozen countries. Our education system is abysmal. Le Monde and other overseas newspapers were solidly behind Obama this summer, and doubtless still are. Even the old standby, American Express Travelers Checks, were in bad odor. If Europeans would accept them, they charged an exhorbitant fee, telling us that by the time they got their money back from AmEx, the dollar would have devalued enough to justify the up to 50% fee.

I learned the hard way that when you finally leave an abuser for good, that's when they deliver the coup de gras. For the unpardonable offense of extricating yourself from a toxic relationship, the abuser seeks to get their last, hardest licks in. That's the one thing I fear for America. That the "October Surprise" will result in either martial law, another stolen election, or both.

It is so frustrating to see the rest of the world taking steps to strengthen their populace and economies, while our particular brand of capitalism only leads to an acute concentration of wealth in the hands of sociopaths, and the common wo/man is crushed beneath the wheel of greed.

OK, decomissioning the soapbox for a while. Please go vote. Hopefully for Obama, but if not, be prepared for a messy backlash.

'Peanuts' animator Bill Melendez dies at 91 - MSN TV News

2008-09-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

'Peanuts' animator Bill Melendez dies at 91 - MSN TV News

He was the voice of Snoopy. I hope heaven is enjoying a lot of laughter today.

Rating the Party Platforms

2008-09-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

from Natalie Davis' All Facts and Opinions
http://gratefuldread.net
http://gratefuldread.wordpress.com/

With the Republican National Convention under way in St. Paul, MN, the time has come to look at the various political parties' platforms side by side. A great organization, eQualityGiving.org, exists to funnel donations to worthy GLBT-supporting candidates. The group rates candidates as either pro-equality, anti-equality, or "heartbreaker." The latter designation means the candidate or party supports some pro-equality planks but just can't work up the nerve to stand for marriage equality -- meaning they oppose full equality under law for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. The eQualityGiving.org comparison shows that one party ranks as pro-, one ranks as anti-, and two end up as heartbreakers. Can you guess which is which?

The answers can be found by checking out these two easy to read tables:

1) Comparison of the 2008 Democratic and Republican Party Platforms
http://www.equalitygiving.org/Party-Platform

2) Comparison of the 2008 Libertarian and Green Party Platforms
http://www.equalitygiving.org/Libertarian-Party-Platform-Green-Party-Platform

Sorry, Barack fans who are surprised and disappointed, but if you'd done your homework, you would have known already (and, by the by, Hillary is a heartbreaker too). But Obama is certainly better than the one angry and completely anti-GLBT candidate. Of course, there is one fully pro-GLBT candidate...

A Personal Story

2008-07-17T09:20:00.001-07:00

From the Lurking Shadows: The Celibate Slut Diaries

2008-07-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hello my Blog Sisters!
I have been a lurker here for years and recently decided to finally share something with you. It is just to bring a little levity into your holiday weekend. I am just cutting and pasting from my Powell's guest blog for ease -- not to sell anything. So feel free not to click any of the links! ;-)

The Powell's Diary has been causing such an email uproar that I decided to reprint the text here. Enjoy!

------------------------------------------
Playful take on bedroom talk, Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex is a smart, funny encyclopedia with entries written by notable contemporary writers. This week we're pleased to feature a different post each day from one of the book's contributors.

Today's post is by Abiola Abrams, author of Dare, who has been a BET host for the past two years and currently also hosts The Planet Abiola Show for blackplanet.com. Find her blog, videos, manifestos, Dare excerpts, and more at www.thegoddessfactory.com.]

June 19, 2008
INTRODUCTION

I would introduce myself using my standard party intro but you are a much classier crowd than the parties I have found myself at recently. My essay "Slut" in Dirty Words: A Literary Anthology of Sex is about growing up as somewhat of a prude, bearing the burden of representation, envying the girls we called sluts and... Well, you'll have to buy the book to find out.

It was kismet when Ellen assigned me the S-word. You see, I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex.

Slut is more than a description of a wanton woman. Slut is a lifestyle. Haven't you seen Sex and the City, ads for stripping classes, Girls Gone Wild trial transcripts, and the Pussycat Dolls videos?

I am purposefully single. What does that mean? It means that I am committed to dating promiscuously and hanging out with wonderful guys but keep my knees together, grandma-style. Just because you've picked up the tab on my sesame chicken does not ensure you a day pass to the Promised Land. Therefore I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex.Therefore I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex.

Oh, and if you want to fix me up, I like men who are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside and who love to read as much as they love to dance. Also be the kind of man who makes dinner and has a sense of humor. I know. Original.

February 15, 2004
BERLIN HOMEGIRL

You ever hang out with 2 people who clearly really do not want to be hanging out with you?

Ever been hanging out with a friend and a love connection develops between her and someone else and now you're the 5th wheel to the coach, but you don't want to leave her alone with the guy, although she secretly wishes you would, so you sit in a bar you don't want to be in, nursing something you really don't drink, and pretend that her conversation is amazingly hilarious to build her up to the guy who's not really listening to you anyway, at 5 in the morning Berlin time when you really want to be home sleeping in your warm bed instead of on a spontaneous date between 2 people who don't know you're there in a cold, miserable European bar full of hideous, butt-ugly junkies of some sort who, unfortunately, are really the only people who seem to notice you as you turn your fabulous engagement rock backwards on your finger New York Subway-style because you get the feeling that if they lunged at you that neither your friend nor the future boyfriend would really notice, and the junkies seem to be laughing like they've seen that trick before? Uh-huh.

February 15, 2008
MY DATABLE APARTMENT

My bachelorette apartment is in Northern Manhattan, SOHA, Morningside Adjacent, or Harlem. Pick whichever label makes you feel safe. I finally have a space that I totally love. My haven is called the Goddess Factory. That's also the name of my website. Yes, my home has a name and my friends know that they can drop by the Goddess Factory anytime, day or night.Yes, my home has a name and my friends know that they can drop by the Goddess Factory anytime, day or night. The only hazard of living in an oasis is that when there is inclement weather my apartment is the most fun place to be, so I tend to invite new people over prematurely.

Okay, I need to clarify the weather thing for non-New Yorkers. Weather in New York is an event. It can be 40 degrees one day and 90 degrees the next. The weather was insane today but I had a first date with a guy I don't care to remember. I said why don't we just hang out at my apartment and order in — no hanky panky, of course. I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex.

My friend Pilar was appalled, feeling that I was sending this guy who I don't care to remember the wrong message. She made me establish a rule that no one could come to my house until the fourth or fifth date. The fifth date? Oy vey! Most dudes blunder and are removed from the Abiola guest list long before then, but there's hope.

I do understand her logic, though. An invitation back to the apartment usually means sex. For me, inviting them into my personal space feels like a very free Holly Golightly in Breakfast At Tiffany's thing. Meet my space, meet me. Well — Audrey Hepburn as Holly in the movie, not Holly in Truman Capote's original novel. She was a prostitute.

Hmm. Maybe I won't invite anyone else home for a while.

May 11, 2008
FENG SHUI FOR LOVE

Contemplating bringing men home got me thinking about the look of my apartment. Yes, it's cable ready and wi-fied out, but is The Goddess Factory wired for love?Yes, it's cable ready and wi-fied out, but is The Goddess Factory wired for love?

The Goddess Factory definitely looks like the inside of my head. There are huge wall murals, graffiti on the fridge, Middle Eastern pillows, rugs, cool masks and art everywhere. Imagine my surprise when I bought a book called Feng Shui for Love & Romance and discovered several big no-nos.

Top 3 Ways I Feng Shui'd for Love:

1) My many pictures of women alone were bad for the law of attraction. Some of these pictures were of me, some were of my mom or aunt, and the majority were pieces of art. I bought a new print of a gorgeous loving couple which I put over my bed. I also traded my solo pix for pix of me with friends when possible. I even gave away Mullet Woman, a huge South African painting, to my friend Nathan.

2) Everyone's still on the men like to eat and food is the way to his heart thing. I have no dining table and that's bad love shui but there's no room. I live in New York City. I did procure two "mini-dining tables" that I can bring out when necessary. You may call them folding TV trays in your world.I did procure two "mini-dining tables" that I can bring out when necessary. You may call them folding TV trays in your world. See, men? No need to fear. You can get your grub on at Casa Abiola's.

3) The last change I made was moving my Goals Board to a private space. Yeah, it is clear that I am a weird funky art chick from the moment you walk in and see goddess graffiti drawings on the wall, but you don't have to know that I secretly aspire to be Martha Stewart and Oprah Winfrey combined right away.

Ultimately I redirected the energy to mostly make it flow for me first and then for whomever my future partner will be second. However, I am not into baiting and switching. I am not going to put the more masculine Tolstoy out when my favorite novelist is Toni Morrison. I'm not leaving Netflix of The Da Vinci Code or Will Smith flicks around when I would rather watch Juno, SatC, or Foxy Brown again. And yes it's corny but my "I love you Abiola" screen saver gives me a small boost of self esteem when I'm procrastinating.

I also didn't do anything about my kitty Anabelle's litter. Hey, a cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do. Better Anabelle is comfy than some random dude.

This isn't a dog pound. It's the Goddess Factory. And yeah — there's a lot of frou frou, apparently also a big love no-no. But hey! I am a frou frou gal. Tiaras, candles and feathers abound. Deal with it. Or go home.I am a frou frou gal. Tiaras, candles and feathers abound. Deal with it. Or go home.

Hmmm... Maybe I'll reread the book.

December 10, 2007
DUDE VETTING

I have been preparing for my book release party. My debut novel Dare is about to be published by Simon and Schuster. It's the story of Maya, a sociologist dealing with heartbreak and getting back into the world of love. Her adventure is actually a comedic contemporary retelling of Faust with affirmations and homework assignments woven in between.

Talking about my new book has me thinking: There is a fundamental difference between being a single woman and being a single man — we have more safety concerns. Call it an unfortunate side effect of growing up in New York City but I can't trust just anybody. I remember waiting for the 86th Street bus afterschool and a grown man with a brief case asked me how old I was. "Sixteen," I answered, suddenly aware of how short I'd rolled up my uniform that day. "You're too old for me," he said.

Men have to be vetted. Who are you? What are your references? Men have to be vetted. Who are you? What are your references?

Because I am a sort of public person guys have the advantage. I am sort of pre-vetted. They can watch and read my work — the hits and all too often misses. They can see that I wore a tacky over-boobalicious black dress on the interview with Ashanti and realize that I may make some teeny wardrobe mistakes. Like Elvira may secretly be my stylist. They can find out with not much digging that I sauntered out onto the set of a Lifetime TV shoot feeling at the height of cuteness and fell SPLAT on my booty, Gucci platform flying. They can see that in one episode of The Planet Abiola Show I inexplicably channel Rosie Perez from the dancing to the Brooklyn accent. Prospective dates may even read in the acknowledgments of my novel me telling a guy that I dated for 15 minutes and no longer even speak too that I will "see him on the jet." Ugh.

So men know the relatively crazy, sexy, geeky, fun, and cool mess that they are probably in for. I can only go up from there.So men know the relatively crazy, sexy, geeky, fun, and cool mess that they are probably in for. I can only go up from there. They know that despite all of this I hang out a shingle and occasionally offer advice.

The best dates, of course, come from hook ups. See? Pre-vetted. Or at the party of a friend of a friend. Pre-vetted. But the drawback is that it's time to move beyond my circle.

Wait — duh — there is vetting. It's called Google. What am I thinking? We are the society of pre-vetted dates. The mystery is gone. Good. Mystery is overrated. If I could run someone's credit check before the date that would be great. Must be a way...

April 17, 2008
THE CRYBABY

I had an interesting date with "Alex," my third grade crush who has now become an investment banker. We ran into each other at Baskin Robbins, of all places. When they say 31 Flavors, I guess they're not lying. Alex is a tall, green-eyed cutie pie with a nice body, from what I could make out through the outline in his sharp Italian suit.

We had a great Japanese dinner with decent conversation and then afterwards went to have drinks at a sleepy lounge in the Village. Since the last time we'd met Alex was calling Davey Sirus a nose picker, we got caught up on each other's lives. The convo was cool. High school, college, etc. Then things got more personal and Alex revealed that his childhood was sad and at many times a living hell.

Alex began to cry.

His story was most definitely a tear jerker. Under normal circumstances I would have been crying too. But then again I cry at the Kleenex commercials. However, I couldn't cry because I felt like someone had to hold it together. We were in a public place. I didn't even reach out to hold him because I didn't know him that well. It was only the first date.I didn't even reach out to hold him because I didn't know him that well. It was only the first date.

So what did I do during the tearjerker portion of the evening? I had a glass of wine and patted his hand. Applied lip glass a couple of times and had another glass of wine. I'm sorry. This was just too much.

First I thought, Hmm, maybe this is a good thing because Alex feels so comfortable with me. But as the waterworks continued I thought, This guy is a total mess. I was completely turned off. First dates are like job interviews. You put your best foot forward. If this was as pulled together as he could get I can't imagine being three or six months in.

Trust me. I am compassionate. I am the person my friends call when they need an ear or a shoulder to cry on. For this reason I just can't allow myself to get sucked into the vortex of a spiritual vampire. Sorry, Alex. With no regrets I wrote down some books by Dr. Wayne Dyer including Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life that I thought might be of use to him and kept it moving. When he called to make new plans, I was elusive before giving him a "Yes, let's definitely keep in touch."

March 16, 2008
I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR BLOG

I just came from a date with someone I'll call Blog Boy. He was cool and works for the press. We went to Bowlmor, a bowling alley-slash-club-slash-fun scene in New York. It's been cool forever — very rare in The City. Well, on non-tourist nights.

Blog Boy was introduced to me by a friend of mine. She emailed us each other's blogs and MySpace pages. After pouring over his intelligent political blog I was in love. He was witty, though-provoking, edgy, and devastatingly handsome. And vetted. I thought, This is it. A wrap on my purposeful singlehood.I thought, This is it. A wrap on my purposeful singlehood.

WRONG. Blog Boy was totally different from the man that I had pre-met. As a mediamaker, I am no yokel. I know that much of what we read and see is smoke and mirrors. I have been at the film editing table when we stretched the picture to make a guy's paunch go away. But for Blog Boy to be such a 180 from the Prince Charming I was expecting based on his public personality was surprising.

Blog Boy only wanted to talk about Jack Black. Then he burped loudly and wiped his oily hands on his jeans. There was dirt in his fingernails and he went overboard on the bowling game, yelling and carrying on like we were there to train for the Bowling Olympics.

And then you won't believe what happened next. Blog Boy spit on the sidewalk in the middle of Manhattan. I felt like I was on an episode of The Simple Life. WTH? Blog Boy, I thought I knew ye!

I have a myspace, facebook, twitter, flickr, linkedin, blogger, youtube channel, stickham, last fm, blip... And probably some other stuff that I am forgetting. If someone delved into all of my pages they wouldn't know the total intimate Abiola, of course, but love me or hate me, they would have a very good idea of who I am.If someone delved into all of my pages they wouldn't know the total intimate Abiola, of course, but love me or hate me, they would have a very good idea of who I am.

Thus ended the chronicle of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Blog.

It got me thinking... Who else has screen personalities? Judging from some facebook pages, fuggedaboutit! And yes, my myspace may seem like a hot mess, but at least that hot mess is really me.

July 19, 2007
TEXTUAL HEALING

Have you ever had text sex? Last year I entered into an extensive textual relationship with a man I'll call AD who lived and worked a lot out of town. I met him when I was directing a short film. AD was fun, creative, and unfortunately, always away. We fell into a de facto long distance relationship mostly because I am a serial monogamist if left to my own tendencies. Remember? I am a celibate slut.

We had so much incredible tension between us that it completely exploded whenever we were finally together. However, when he was in town for more than a week it fizzled. It was all about the hot texts.

I wish that I could provide a G-rated version of our text message transcripts but I couldn't even begin to translate. My friends were reading my phone like it was a romance novel.My friends were reading my phone like it was a romance novel. My paranoid friend Pilar was horrified at the paper trail I was leaving.

The only bad part of our textual healing was that when I was over AD it turned into textual harassment. Then I had to hack-program my phone to block him. Oh, well.

June 11, 2008
WILL U MAKE ME DNNR?

If this was not my year of living purposefully single, the Abiola dating game would be the Kamau's game to lose. This man is fine. Gorgeous. Brilliant. Beautiful. Problem? He lives in Africa. Kamau is a lawyer and comes into town maybe 4 times a year.

Anyway, I was at a book signing at Barnes and Noble when I got the text: IN TOWN. FREE? I lost my train of thought so much that I had to ask the reader in front of me her name three times.

YES! I sent back immediately. Then the next text was simultaneously titillating and confusing: WILL U MAKE ME DNNR?

My mind went into single girl overdrive. What did this mean? Was this an important step? I mean, Kamau and I had never even been in the same private space alone together.

I fully intended to make Kamau a delicious meal. I was going to attempt my mother's curry chicken with my father's fresh bread. I have never made bread from scratch so this was going to be totally new for me. But with a WILL U MAKE ME DNNR? text from Kamau, I was willing to go all out.

On the appointed day Fresh Direct delivered the ingredients bright and early. My apartment was clean and feng shui'd for love.My apartment was clean and feng shui'd for love. And then I got an important work call. A huge coup — an interview with Janet Jackson's man Jermaine Dupri and his new singer Dondria. I ran off to work and came back in with only an hour before Kamau would make his appearance.

I let my fingers do the dialing and a half an hour later I was unwrapping an amazing Italian dinner. Ziti, veggie lasagna, Caesar salad, fresh garlic bread, the works! Then there was scant time for me to get my "fresh dressed like a million bucks" look going. (Slick Rick rap song lyric)

Kamau arrived right on time and said that he was starving — for food. We got caught up as I laid everything out with my gorgeous crystal glasses for the red wine that he brought with him.

Before I could even sit down, Kamau said (insert sexy British accent): "You changed my opinion of you, Abiola. You didn't seem like the cooking kind of girl."

I didn't seem like the cooking kind of girl?! What could I say to that? Got take out?I didn't seem like the cooking kind of girl?! What could I say to that? Got take out? There didn't seem time to correct Kamau as he devoured his meal. I was too busy trying to un-puzzle his words, consider how I was possibly being insulted, and meditate on how perfect his lips looked. Mum was the word as his praise went into overdrive about how great my cooking was. I was a hit! Or at least Mama Rosa's was.

After dinner I told the Kamau that I had to wake up early and kissed him good night. Remember? I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex. Kamau kept raving on and on about how special it was that I cooked for him.

"Anytime," I said.

What? I feel no guilt in this situation and if through some weirdness we ever fell madly in love I would tell him.

"Want me to take out the garbage?" he asked as he left.

"No thanks," I said, thinking of my bags of empty containers. "I'll get it tomorrow." Wink-wink.

April 1, 2008
YOU CAN FIND ME IN THE CLUB

Whooo! My adrenaline is going. I just got in from the most fun night. I was at Club Hiro dancing on the tables with my girls all night long!I was at Club Hiro dancing on the tables with my girls all night long! Paper Magazine chose me as one of their 50 Most People. Gasp. I feel vindicated that in the 11th grade Ms. Stein confiscated my Paper Magazine... while I was reading it in class.

My posse accompanied me to that party and then we had late drinks at Tilman's. We ran into a friend I will call Very Famous Guy. VFG told us about his brother's birthday party at a club across town. I put out a blast on twitter that I would be there and several more people met us at the jam.

After we were there for a while I spotted something delicious across the room. Kirby — a handsome guy who I'd had a year-long flirt with. Tall, with an incredible body and a huge curly afro. He had a way of looking directly into your being as you speak to him.

Kirby is like a junior Barack Obama with all of his youth justice, social issues, and not-for-profit work. In the interest of full disclosure I had tried twice already to lamely hit on Kirby and was feeling that clearly he was just not that into me.In the interest of full disclosure I had tried twice already to lamely hit on Kirby and was feeling that clearly he was just not that into me.

Lame Attempt 1: I volunteered to make a pro bono documentary about Kirby's incredible youth group when I don't even have time to visit my cousins in Brooklyn.

Lame Attempt 2: It was Martin Luther King Day and Kirby sent out a statement about how we should all live up to Dr. King's ideals. I googled and found 3 amazing MLK quotes and hit him back saying that here were some similar quotes that had inspired me. Well, they did! As soon as I found them. Stop laughing.

Anyway, the club was a different matter. Kirby invited me to "talk downstairs" and then we totally ended up making out in the solo bathroom!

I know that most of you might have moved past bathroom copulation when you were 18 — and no, we didn't go to third base — but give me a break here. I went to an all girl's school and a predominantly women's college. Then I was in one loooong term relationship. I missed out on some developmental stuff. Like bathroom fornication.I missed out on some developmental stuff. Like bathroom fornication. I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex.

I will say though without apology that it was hot. The thumping music was the perfect soundtrack. And yes, the bathroom was clean. It was a little less than cute to pull my sweaty self together and exit to find that such a long line had grown that the security guard was standing by to make sure that I was ok. Whoops. C'est La Vie.

By the way, the doc about his youth group never happened. It was too embarrassing to face his "kids" again and tell them the right and wrong ways of the grown up world.

Judge away, haters! At least my walk of shame was only back to the VIP area.

June 3, 2008
WHO'S THE MAN

I am a feminist. Not a wimpy, closeted chick but the kind who makes political speeches at high schools. This has nothing to do with my weakness for testosterone-heavy men who are man enough to step up to the plate and be manly. Understood?

Recently, I was working on a citizen journalist project with a guy that we'll call Scaredy McNervous. Scaredy kept telling everyone except me how much he likes me. Argh.

I don't want to ask him out. I want to be wooed. I want the man to make an effort. Look at what happened with my lame Kirby attempts.

I really do believe that men have a hunt and gather gene. Look at their work and leisure habits. They pursue everything as a game. This usually is a turn-on. I could easily ask SMN out no problem, but I also don't want to set up a precedent to entertain his wimpy tendencies. Moving on.

June 17, 2007
TOO MUCH BOOBAGE

I realize now that I have been on a cleavage overload. So I am cutting back.I realize now that I have been on a cleavage overload. So I am cutting back. Not quitting cold turkey just a step down program. Most people are horrified at what they wore to their proms. I am horrified to see what I wore yesterday. I can't even watch my Ashanti interview. Yuck. Note to self: Correct before leaving for the Divas of Literature Mall Tour this summer. Cleavage does not belong in a mall. And besides, real breasts are no competition for all of the gravity-defying boobage out there.

June 19, 2008
SINGLE BINGO

I am a recovering serial monogamist so I devised a game called Single Bingo to snap me and my kind out of this behavior. My theory is that you have to experience all of the squares on the board before making a commitment to any one. The way I see it, we should all date promiscuously. Now, that doesn't mean giving up the goodies to every Tom, Dick, and James, or anyone at all, it just means seeing what is available and getting your date on.Now, that doesn't mean giving up the goodies to every Tom, Dick, and James, or anyone at all, it just means seeing what is available and getting your date on.

Think basketball team. You have your starting line-up and your benched players. This is living purposefully single. Then you make your one true choice and yell BINGO. It will be even more worth it at that point and I can't wait.

I am a complete slut. I just don't have sex. Right now.

Is Keith Olbermann turning into Bill O’Reilly?

2008-06-16T16:32:00.001-07:00

Is it just me? Or is Keith Olbermann turning into Bill O’Reilly?

The bombastic commentary. The narcissism. And, of course, the misogyny.

I’d thought that once Obama clinched the Democratic nomination, it would be safe to start watching Countdown again. Without Keith’s daily anti-Hillary target practice, I might even be able to watch it without cringing.

Wrong!

There's more here.

How Not To Run A Movie Screening

2008-05-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

"In a parallel universe, Monday night’s New York Film Academy screening of John Cusack’s War, Inc. was great, as was the Rachel Maddow-moderated Q & A that followed the screening. Back on earth, however, the screening didn’t go quite so well. In fact … it barely went at all. ..."

There's much more about War, Inc. Interruptus here.

Feminism and Two Trainwrecks on the Interwebs

2008-04-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

The Internets work how they're supposed to. This is a write-up on some movement called "The Open Source Boob Project" at some SF con. Man, that's wrong. If there's anything to perpetuate the stereotype that sci-fi geeks are socially inept men not getting any and still living in their parents' basement, that is it. Somewhat unrelated: This reminds me of this internet money raising thing I've come across before on some blogs--where people put up pictures of their (covered) breasts to raise money for something, a charity I think. And then there's this whole breast cancer awareness thing. Yes, worthy causes, but when random men start championing these kinds of things, I can't help but feel a little skeeved about it all. Do men only sit up and notice if there are breasts involved?

Feminist bloggers and racism. Interesting schism. That's the problem with devoting oneself to a particular cause/movement/whathaveyou. People get tunnel vision. It's not just A vs B. There's also X vs Y vs Z and a kazillion other things. Anyways, I just look at this as evidence of why I'm a little uncomfortable about the major feminist movements--because maybe they espouse white feminism rather than feminism in general.

(Cross-posted at Syaffolee.)

Ladies, What The Hell Is Up?

2008-04-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

You know, I've been in this business of solo-web-practitioner for six years now, and a couple of decades on the agency and enterprise sides before that, and I've had my say about what's frustrating and wrong with the web 1.0 and 2.0 gender divide, and I've stood up and yelled foul when it was not in the best interest of my career to do so, and I've found myself in the middle of some of the biggest Internet dust-ups of all time, but I never thought I'd have to write a post asking what the hell is wrong with you?

Not all of the ladies; of course not.

I'm talking about the ones taking advantage of the other ones. And they are numerous.

I've already done the disinfecting; I'm well aware that I'm biting the hand that feeds me here. So let me continue.

Here goes the general, sweeping observation. You tell me if I'm wrong...

When men -- male CEOs or marketing heads or agency leads -- look for help on social media projects from women-owned businesses and/or consultants who happen to be women, they do not come looking to put us through sixteen hoops, a dozen or more what-SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN-billable hours, months of hemming and hawing, and eight attempts at trying it themselves only to come back and ask 'what do you think?' all before signing the statement of work.

They do not as a rule take the ideas you give them for free in the course of detailed proposal work and run off to implement them with a 'maybe later on we'll work together!' They generally do not expect, ask for, or anticipate freebies or unpaid time on our part simply because their project is the most super-coolest-omgzbbq that you have ever ever seen.

SO WHY THE HELL DO WOMEN expect these things of other women?

Why do women in these same roles -- women who know their female colleagues are trying to make a living -- ask something of them that they would never ask of a male consultant in the same business? The female CEO who expects free help from her sister consultants would not think of asking her brothers in business for those same freebies.

Why is that? Because she would get laughed at? Ignored? Turned away? Not taken seriously?

Really--tell me why?

Did I miss the secret handshake class?

Was I sick the day they taught that women in business should give away free to other women what they wouldn't to a man?

Is there a rule somewhere that says only the men I do business with understand that I need to get paid?

I'm telling you, I find it more infuriating and frustrating than ever in the techmeme world of gangs and bangs and winner take all, we can't depend on the women business owners who seek our services NOT to do us a disservice.

---

Cross Posted to Allied.

Industry Experts and Thought Leaders O My!

2008-04-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

What's Up Pussy Cats?