The Bulwer-Lytton Awards for bad fiction are in! I think I might take a crack at this next year. Here is the winner, written by Dan McKay of Fargo, ND. He compared a woman's breasts to carburetors.
"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."
Go to the link to see the runners-up. All of them are hilarious.