Sunday, September 21, 2003

"Revolve": aka great, ghastly backward steps

Have you heard? Thomas Nelson Bibles has unleashed upon teen girl culture a brand-(anti-)spanking-new glossy, part New Testament and part girly magazine, mixing God- and Jesus-inspired beauty, fashion and sex-is-bad tips with the usual homophobic, misogynistic tripe espoused by the bible.

The New York Post’s story is here, and Mark Morford’s genius lampooning of the periodical is here.

And here’s a sample of what Morford has to say:
It's called "Revolve: The Complete New Testament" and it's apparently racing up the Amazon.com sales charts -- whatever that means -- as it sucks up all the accoutrements of a teen fashion rag and rams them through the cute Christian grinder of humorlessness and sexual rigidity and homophobia, and regurgitates them as kicky dumbed-down slightly numb virginal tidbits of advice and admonition and, yes, Biblical storytelling.

Because apparently girls don't already have enough hollow dogma out there telling them what to do. Apparently they don't already face a large enough mountain of misinfo and scorn and sexual mixed messages, and not a single one of them telling them how to really tune into themselves, listen to their own unique voices, find their own sex and their own power and their own divine potency. … "Revolve" takes a decidedly conservative view of the Bible, condemns homosexuality, encourages virginity until marriage, and informs girls that excessive makeup and jewelry and revealing clothes are to be avoided and chastity is to be rewarded. … It also tells them to quietly shut up and always listen to your parents and don't take the initiative by actually calling a boy on the phone, ever. Did Mary Magdalene ever call Jesus? Of course she didn't. And "Revolve" tells these befuddled girls, in all seriousness, that it's best to let the males lead the relationship.
Sorry, I know we didn’t need another reason to be depressed. But there you have it. Gotta love the "progress" this grand country is making, dontcha.

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