Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Just Wondering About All The Usual Suspects...

Do men actually realise that Tighty-Whities and G-strings can only ever be worn with even a modicum of sex appeal without laughter-inducers by model types?

Why do friends turn into the proverbial Smug Married types--who always try to give you lots of advice on your non-existent dating life and the gush over their men to you when you clearly don't need to hear about it because being subjected to it repeatedly causes mucho depression and feelings of inadequacy--when they fall in love, are in the Relationship, get engaged, get married?

Why do many men always blame the woman when a relationship crumbles and not themselves while many women blame themselves and not the men in the same situation? Answer from my upstairs neighbour, Daniel: "Because we men are so stupid and women let us get away with it."

Why do mothers always call you when you are in the middle of something important--typing down a rush of sudden brilliance into an essay, while you're doing a timed exam exercise, while you are blow-drying your hair, while you are getting down with it with your current squeeze--and then demand that you cease doing whatever it is or else start unleashing lashes of guilt-manipulation?

Do men even realise that approaching a woman to chat her up while being stonking drunk is not a good idea? More importantly, do they not realise that telling bad jokes is not really a good pick-up tactic? Especially when the woman is clearly forcing the laughter? Or are they too drunk or too nervous to realise this?

Why do aerobics instructors always have to lie about the counting of repetitions, especially when they see you all blue in the face and in pain? Example: "Eight more to go! Eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one... I LIED!!!! TWENTY FOUR MORE TO GO!!!! Twenty-four...!!!"

Do men really look at even the most unpromising looking Cinderella and go "PHWOAR!!! Lookit that--must have the best boobies/booty underneath those baggy clothes, messy hair and glasses? Does this explain why the cute ones or the one you have your eye on always turns out when you're looking all dishevelled and stuff while when you are dolled up to the nines, there's no one around to see?

What drives grandmothers to keep on bemoaning that their granddaughters are too picky and will be "left on the shelf" if said granddaughters do not get married by the time the other granddaughters get married?

What is wrong with being a more "masculine" girl who knows her comic books, her action movies and who gives as good as she gets? Is she such a rare creature that whenever one walks into a comic bookstore, all the geeks stare goggle-eyed and silent at her? Or is that just hormones?

Why do men always complain when they have to use condoms? Don't they know about safe sex? What the hell were they doing at the back of the hall during Sex Ed class in school?

Are all mirrors flawed in some way? Is that why perfectly normal-sized women see themselves as fat in the mirror?

If high heels are that flattering and sexy, why don't men wear them? Same goes for corsets, pantyhose and dresses that have to be taped to you to stay up as if by magic...

If men are so logical and rational, why is it that one's mother is typically able to multitask and ensure that everything gets done in the right order etc etc to save time and energy while one's father ends up in a right muddle when mom goes on holiday?

Cross-posted at Mindscapes

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