Thursday, December 12, 2002

a collossal waste of time

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much time we as women spend fixating on our bodies. How many hundreds of years have we collectively wasted on thinking we were ugly for whatever reason?

Take me. I had to get fat to get okay with my body.

I've almost always thought I was fat. Even though I haven't always been. Imagine the time I could have saved on not thinking I was fat when I wasn't. And thinking that it mattered, when it didn't. That time, wasted or not, is gone.

And I'm here. And the thing is - I don't think I'm fat anymore. Or rather, I don't think I'm all the crazed connotations that go with it. I am fully aware of my actual, physical fatness.

I worry about a lot of things. What I'm not is worried about my weight. It's not a non-issue, because you can't be fat in America and have it be a non-issue all the time, no more than you can be most anything in America and have it be a non-issue. But it's pretty much not an issue. I am so happy about that.

I shouldn't have bothered with diets or food that didn't taste good or what other people thought of how big I was around. It didn't make me happy. It never would. I shouldn't have waited this long to get here.

I don't think my experience is unique. It's not that being pretty has no value, but that we spend so much time thinking we're not. So much time. I wish there were a way to convince younger women to stop them from wasting so much time, and spending it on something useful - say, kicking butt at work, demanding equal wages, or defending human rights.What about the rest of you - what did you do to get past body image (if you're already okay with it) or what are you doing now (if you're still working on it)?

By the way, this is my first post, and parts of it are reposted from my site.

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